The Final Chapter

The book is almost closed on what needs to happen to settle my mom's affairs. Last week we accepted an offer on the sale of her trailer, which was not a given. My mom owned the trailer but not the property on which it sits; a neighbor wanted to buy it but the property owner refused to allow him to leave it where it sits, and the location is why he wanted to buy it for his mother-in-law. Yet after several attempts the property owner wouldn't give me a clear answer about what he wanted to do...until the day before the deadline when he texted an offer, which we accepted the same day. Next week my brother will transfer the title and the final chapter will be complete.

I made the two-day trip to West Virginia with two important pieces of advice in mind: Jacqueline's comment to accept that things had served my mother well and it was time to let them go; and Helen's advice to set up zones for keep/donate/throw and to touch things only once. I would not have been able to do the job in ten days without those things in mind.

I was not prepared for what I would find. My mother's trailer was exactly as she had left it and the large storage unit was almost full. The only thing to do was to begin, somewhere, anywhere. As I went through boxes, bins, closets, drawers and shelves, I set aside items for my brother to go through and things that I knew I wanted. I was able to sell the best pieces of furniture. I donated books, magazines, and puzzles to the nursing home and medical equipment to the Commission on Aging. I made one trip to a Goodwill store 40 miles away with a carload of electronics, dishes, utensils, pans, and blankets. My brother and sister-in-law each filled a vehicle, and I came home with a carload of items I will enjoy and use to share family history with my children and grandchildren. Everything else was discarded. As hard as it was, it was what had to happen. 

Ten days, 18 hours a day, and I was done. It was emotional and cathartic at the same time. I was able to stay present the entire time, which was essential for the tasks as hand. It was hot and humid so the afternoon thunderstorms were a welcome relief. I drank copious amounts of water. I talked to the neighbor's dog, Daisy, who made regular visits for pets and treats. I shared progress with family and my closest friend, whose encouragement and humor kept me going.

Through it all I felt my mom's energy and approval. I never doubted that we would find the help we needed or that we would finish the job at hand. I am grateful that I had the time and energy to do the work, and that my brother and I had time to work things through together. I think we did mom proud. 

Hello August

The support of friends and family has meant the world to me. That so many have walked this path before is a great comfort.

July held lots of conversations with my brother about all the things that need to happen to settle our mom's affairs. She lived in a small town in eastern West Virginia and the small-town connections have been helpful. The lawyer who is handling probate has an office around the corner from the courthouse; the manager of the storage facility knew a used furniture dealer to recommend; the home health aid has continued to take in the mail and water the plants on her own time; again and again one phone call has led to another phone call that has led to the person I need to talk to. I have been amazed with the information I have been able to collect from 700 miles away.

Distance communication has limitations, and my brother and I have done all we can without being in the same place at the same time. We need to figure out what to do with possessions as well as the small trailer she lived in. There isn't a thrift store or Goodwill in the town and any place to donate household items is an hour away, so there will be some hard decisions to make. We come from a long line of "Don't throw that out! Someone could use that!" It will be a challenge to overcome those voices....

But the time has come. Tomorrow I am heading to a place I never called home but where my mom lived for nineteen years. I will work with my brother and his family to sort, cull, re-home, and clean out what remains of 86 years of living. My hope is to stay present and attentive. If I do that, I will know what's right.