Technology, Travel, and Teaching

This August is one for the books. I got a job, my desktop bit the dust, and I traveled to California to meet my granddaughter ~

Piper at three weeks old

I love this picture. Piper was napping beside me on the couch and she looked so relaxed. She's three weeks old in the photo. I swear she grew before my eyes.

I practiced traveling with just my phone when we went to New York in July. In the past I've taken a digital camera and my laptop and downloaded photos throughout a trip. I didn't want to lug my laptop to California this summer so took the chance to travel sans computer in July. I missed my laptop but got more comfortable with the camera on my phone which paid off as I was able to easily email photos of the grandkids home during my trip. Ken appreciated that.

The desktop refused to turn on just two days before I left for San Jose. It's not like it hadn't earned the right to be done after nine years. I wasn't ready to deal with its demise but I wasn't going to replace it until it was absolutely necessary. Thankfully my computer guru determined that the data could be saved to an external drive, so it was the best case scenario and something I could deal with upon my return in mid-August. Luckily by then I had a job and didn't need to access my resume and supporting documents in a timely manner. I had backed up photos but not documents, a lesson now learned.

I have waited to write about the job because I didn't want to jinx it. My contract was approved by the school board this week and only then did I feel comfortable announcing my news to the world. Everything happened very quickly: application made, cover letter sent, call for an interview, interview held, and job offer all within the space of six days. I was offered the job on August 1, one week before I left for California. It still feels a bit surreal, not just that I have a real job after nine years of searching but that I am going back to teaching and going into an area new to me. I will be a Resource Room teacher working with students who qualify for special education services. I will get training and take classes and have a supportive team to help me throughout the process. I am positively giddy about the thought of this job.

It has been an amazing 24 days ~

Me with my son and grandson in CA

Mid Summer

I checked the calendar today. We are at an important mid point, half of summer behind us and half still before us. Phew. Many people are talking about the waning days of this most pleasant season in Maine, and I really can't bear to think of it ending. I still have much to do before I launch into the next thing...more about that in a moment.

Ken and I have learned to plan our vacation earlier rather than later and took a road trip in mid July. We had so much fun in New York's wine country last summer that we returned this year, staying at the other end of Seneca Lake this time. We stayed three days instead of two and then drove to Pennsylvania to spend time with my dear friend of 40+ years. From food to trains to music it was an amazing trip. Here's a snapshot of our adventure~

The FLounge is a gift shop in Geneva, NY that serves sweet coffee drinks and delicious waffles

My grandson is enamored with trains so we made note of every one we saw

The Route 30 Diner in Lancaster, PA served all the best of home cooking

Verna's Fabrics was worth the drive to Mifflinburg, PA - that's Verna

Two happy Mainers on vacation with their friend from New Mexico

Food theme on steroids at Central Market in Lancaster, PA

Outside Central Market we were treated to a concert by students in a music camp

Before I left on vacation I worked diligently to rework my home filing system, take stock of all my sewing projects in various states of completion, review the contents and space in the house to seriously clear away the things someone else needs more than I do. I jumped back into my age-old job search with the knowledge that life would change drastically when I am successful....

I was and it will. More on that next post. In the meantime I know that I will always have time for sweet Maggie~

Not

I did not win Powerball. I can honestly say I was disappointed. There were winners, regular people like me who bought tickets because at some point someone, or more than one someone, was going to win the jackpot. I thought, "Why not me?" Well, not this time but I will try again.

I did not get the job I interviewed for ten days ago. I was grateful to get the call because it meant that someone looked at my application and thought it was worth giving me a look-see. The interview was thorough; they were as interested in what I am currently doing in certain situations as they were in what I would do in the position they need to fill. I felt good about my answers but obviously I was not the best candidate. I will keep applying.

We have not had a snow day yet this winter. Snow has arrived overnight with time to clear the roads or the storms have waited for the weekend. I like snow days. They are gifts of time that are unexpected and much appreciated. I hope we don't go the whole winter without a snow day.

I Am Not Invisible

Dear Hair Stylist,

I appreciate the phone message you left at 4:24 on Tuesday to apologize for running late.  I do not plan to reschedule.

It had already been a bad day.  I stood outside in the cold rain for 50 minutes on recess duty and wasn't able to get warm the rest of the afternoon.  As I left the building for my 4:00 hair appointment I passed the library where staff had gathered to interview for the two positions for which I applied but was not invited to interview.

When I arrived at the shop there were others waiting.  By 4:10 everyone else had been attended to, so I confirmed at the desk that I had a 4:00 appointment.  Yes, they said, and you were running late.  I watched you chatting and laughing with the woman in your chair.  I calculated the minimum I could ask you to do so I could meet my later commitment.  At 4:18 you and she walked past me into another room without acknowledging my presence.  If I was in the chair by 4:20 I'd be okay; I had 30-40 minutes for a haircut but not 50-60.  But you didn't return.  I asked myself what I needed to do to feel okay.  At 4:20 I told the woman at the desk I had to leave.

I do like the way you cut my hair.  I do not like the way I feel in the shop where you work.

Sincerely,
Sharon

Seeking Peace

Let me start this post with a few words about my favorite find among the used books I bought in California.  The book is Seeking Peace by Mary Pipher.  The subtitle is Chronicles of the Worst Buddhist in the World.  I hadn't heard of the book before that day in March.  In my mind Mary Pipher was an insightful, talented, successful psychologist, researcher, teacher, and writer.  She had it all.  I thought this book must be about how she achieved that success, and the subtitle was probably written in jest.

Then I read the inside flap.  "In 2002, Pipher experienced a meltdown."  Well, that was a surprise.  Flipping through the chapters it became obvious that this woman, whose work I have revered since my first reading of Reviving Ophelia in 1995, faced the same challenges that so many of us do.  By all appearances she had it all, but inside she was hurting to the point where she could barely function.  It wasn't until she stopped being what everyone else expected and asked herself who she was and what she wanted that she began to heal.  Pipher shares honestly and openly the challenges she faced and the lessons she learned.  I don't think she knows any other way, which is one of the things I like so much about her writing.

More than once this book had me in tears.  So many feelings and experiences felt familiar to me.  I was reading her words while I was letting go of things I have too tightly held onto for too long.  Like so many women our age we had to learn how to take care of ourselves as grown-ups.  I, too, have mentally gone back to the little girl I was and said, "You are not alone.  You will be okay."  I am continually amazed and grateful when I hear someone else's story and realize I am not the only one who has had this experience.  It is a gift when the story is as sincerely written as Seeking Peace.

It is against the backdrop of reading this book that life began to shift in a big way for me.  I stopped trying to make things right.  It finally sank in that I am not responsible for anyone else's happiness.  I don't cause others to be angry, unhappy, or depressed, and it's not up to me to figure out what I need to do or be to make them feel better.  I can be myself, and if someone doesn't like that, oh well.

I didn't understand how important this realization was until I noticed I had periods of time when my chest didn't hurt.  When was that and what was happening?  It was when I felt comfortable with myself.  The more I say how I really feel and do what works for me, the less I feel stymied and stuck.  Not everyone appreciates my new found state of being.  Oh well.  It is too late to go back now.  I am feeling better, and I like who I am becoming.

Then one evening I got a call from a friend.  She'd heard from a mutual friend about a job opening.  They both encouraged me to apply.  The position was an Ed Tech, an assistant teacher of sorts in this part of the country.  It would be a good way to get back into teaching.

After all that has gone wrong in my job search over the last seven years [peruse the "Job Search" category if you are curious...or don't...it's depressing] I take nothing for granted and do not assume I have a chance of being hired until I hear the words "You have the job" which has only happened once for a short-term period.  I stopped writing here about the jobs I have applied and interviewed for because the repeated rejection was humiliating.

My first reaction to hearing about this job was "Why would they hire me?"  Then I thought about what I have to offer and how I had nothing to lose.  I would apply and see what happened.  I could only put myself out there and wait.

I was called for an interview.  Okay.  I got my hair cut and wore a favorite purple blouse.  Afterward I felt good about the meeting, and for the first time in seven years I did not second-guess anything I said.

Yesterday morning I was offered the position.  I said yes!  I will be teaching reading to third, fourth, and fifth graders in a school a half hour from where I live.  I will learn all I need to know about current reading curriculum and standards, which is necessary to teach in elementary grades.  The Title 1 teacher I will be working with has invited me to visit on Friday to get the lay of the land, and she has secured time for me to be trained this summer.  This fall my day will have a start time and an end time, with no work to carry home.  There's a stipend for one three-credit course, which will also help me with recertification hours.  Since I will be working in a school system I will have access to people who know what I need to do to meet current qualifications to return to classroom teaching.

I am so excited!

Two Steps Forward

Several nights ago I got some good advice...in a dream.  Ken and I must have been building something because I had my paint clothes on.  There was an older guy helping us.  We took a break and were making small talk when the guy asked me what I was up to.  I told him I was applying for teaching jobs.  He looked at me over his glasses and kindly suggested that I could sound more enthusiastic.  He asked me where I was applying.  I told him, and he gently advised that I could look closer to home.  He was right on both counts.

Deep down I knew these things, but it helped to hear it out loud from a character in a dream.  I have decided to return to teaching and want to stop sounding so tenuous about it.  I sound apologetic when I am asked what I'm doing and make excuses for not doing something else.  That's on me.  It matters how I frame what I'm doing, the words I use and my tone of voice.  I could sound more enthusiastic.

And I have been spreading too wide a net.  Twenty miles from home turned into thirty and would soon be forty if I didn't put the brakes on.  I have actually considered schools forty miles north of me.  That's quite a commute for a teacher on an ordinary day, but on a day when I want to have dinner with my daughter it would be impossible.  In September my daughter will start a new job in southern Maine, teaching at the medical school and treating patients in the attached clinic.  We are already talking about how we will make time to see each other.  While those plans don't dictate where I will work, it makes sense to look at schools a reasonable distance from home and not in the exact opposite direction. Right now the field is wide open so why not take advantage of that?

This week I made another decision:  I'm going to an educational conference at my alma mater Goddard College in Vermont in mid-July.  I haven't been back to visit in many years and haven't attended a conference there since I graduated in 1999.  I wasn't planning to go because I haven't been teaching and couldn't imagine what I have to offer.  Upon reflection on my dream advice, this conference could spark my enthusiasm.  I won't know if I don't go.      

The journey continues....

What I Have Learned So Far

I have put Christmas away.  I have cleaned the house from top to bottom.  For the first time in almost a year I feel that I have a handle on the clutter.  On Tuesday I cleared the desk completely and set about polishing the wood to a rich luster.  I put back only what absolutely has to live on the surface and have promised myself that I will stay on top of the papers and miscellaneous items that seem to collect with no effort at all on my part.

I have made the commitment to walk a mile on the treadmill every day that I am home.  Some days this means I climb on for ten minutes, stop to put in a load of laundry, climb back on for ten minutes, stop to hang up laundry, and so on until I have walked a mile.  I haven't put a time limit on how long it takes me, just that I will walk the distance.

I have been busy taking care of business.

This week our water was tested for the third time in as many months.  There is a blue-green residue that collects in the sinks and tub/shower in two of our bathrooms.  Two years ago I mentioned it to the technician who came to check our system, the one we put in because of the iron content and issues with sediment when the house was new.  The numbers all checked out in the lab so we were told all was well.  The issue has persisted, so when the numbers came back "okay" in October I set about doing my own research.  I found articles that talked about "low pH" and "stripping copper from pipes" and "plumbing that fails."  I called to talk about the research I'd done and learned that they hadn't tested the pH in October, so someone came to do that.  I had to call again when I got the report, without the pH numbers listed, to learn that the numbers were on the low end of acceptable.  I grilled the person on the other end of the phone about what that meant and what the problem could be and what could be done to correct the problem once they identified it.  He volunteered to come himself to test for copper, which would be coming from the pipes and fittings because water with a low pH interacts with copper.  And yes, there are traces of copper in our water, not in alarming amounts but enough that over time our pipes will be affected.  So our system needs to be adapted to raise the pH level.

The days fill up with multiple-step chores and errands like that.  Gifts returned and packages sent via FedEx, UPS, and the postal service.  The DVD player that Ken bought needs to be seen to because it whirs and makes noises that a new DVD player should not make.  Last May we were sold a bed that has a factory flaw that I didn't find until I was polishing furniture this week, so I have contacted the store and hope that the company will resolve the problem with a new footboard.

I stay in bed in the mornings until I absolutely have to get up because once my feet hit the floor there are endless things to attend to, some of my own making and some the daily business of living and some that just cannot be ignored.

All the while time is passing and the possibility of finding my dream job is slipping away.  Just before the holidays I got another rejection email.  So I think that that's okay because family is coming and there are things that need my attention.  There is always something that needs to be done or some project to finish or some problem to solve.  There always will be.

So I keep moving, even if it feels like I'm going in circles or merely stepping in place.

Nothing will change until I take action.  The first days of this new year I have taken a long hard look at where I am and what my options are.  I want to work.  I can't get a job.  My options are few.

Today I called the district where I worked as a long-term sub last spring to see if my paperwork is still on file; it is and with one phone call it can be activated so I can be called on an as-needed basis.  I think I have figured out how to file paperwork online for another district that also needs substitute teachers.

This is the very last thing I want to do.  The hardest job in any school is that of a substitute teacher, but this is work that is available.  I cannot go into this thinking it might lead to something more because chances are just  as good that it won't.  It is what it is.  Nothing else has panned out.  No other opportunity has presented itself in five years.  That's long enough.

If the lesson was humility, I have learned it.

It occurred to me this week that I need to do what I can do.  If no one wants what I have to offer, I can go where they will take whoever shows up.  I can show up.  I can do a good job wherever I am and under whatever circumstances.  If this is all there is, then this is it.  If every door has closed but this one, then this is the door I will walk through.  I needed time to come around to this, and now that I have I can make it work.

This evening I pulled Mary Oliver's New and Selected Poems, Volume Two (2005) off the shelf.  Occasionally I crack open one of her books to a random page, and the perfect poem is there.  Tonight was no exception ~

What I Have Learned So Far 

Meditation is old and honorable, so why should I
not sit, every morning of my life, on the hillside,
looking into the shining world?  Because, properly
attended to, delight, as well as havoc, is suggestion.
Can one be passionate about the just, the ideal,
the sublime, and the holy, and yet commit to no
labor in its cause?  I don't think so.

All summations have a beginning, all effect has a
story, all kindness begins with the sown seed.
Thought buds toward radiance.  The gospel of
light is the crossroads of - indolence, or action.

Be ignited, or be gone.     

Which Of These Things...

...is not like the others?

On Tuesday October 16 we had an earthquake.  We were just finishing up dinner and the house started to shake.  Whoa.  Facebook immediately lit up with friends in New Hampshire, Vermont, and Boston reporting seismic activity.  We learned later that it was rated 4.0, the strongest event felt here in 40 years.  The ground quaked from New Jersey to Quebec City, apparently because the old, dense crust on our side of the continent allows the shock waves to travel long distances.  Thankfully there was no major damage or loss of life reported.

Nine days after the earthquake I had an interview, and I use the term loosely.  I was ushered into a room by a man, the principal I gathered, who spoke so quickly that I didn't catch his name.  There was a woman sitting at the table who neither introduced herself or told me her position, though she did smile and tell me she had a cold.  The principal fired questions at me, fidgeting in his chair, while the woman looked on.  I asked a few questions and was told that I would hear the next day one way or the other. Beginning to end I was in the room for less than 20 minutes.  True it was for a long-term sub position...but still!  When he called the next day to tell me they hired someone who already worked within the school system I said that I guessed as much because the interview was rushed.  When these places already know who they want to hire they need to refrain from plastering the state with news of an opening, which really doesn't exist, and advertise in-house so people within the system, who will be tapped for the job, can be the ones to apply.  My son looks at me like "this is crazy" and I explain to him that this is life when you try to get a job these days in public education.

Today Ken made room in the garage for the car, which is now safely out of harm's way.  We have battened down the hatches in preparation for impending hurricane Sandy.  Maine is slated to get heavy rain starting tomorrow and wind gusts of 50-70 miles an hour Monday night.  We have gas for the generator if we do lose power.  Ken is working locally so he will be home tomorrow at a decent hour and not on the road.  We can only do what we can do and keep a good thought for all of those in the path of the storm.

An earthquake, an interview, and a hurricane all within the span of 13 days.  Sounds like a bad joke doesn't it?  Maybe the interview fits in after all ~ no rhyme or reason on the timing and no way to predict the outcome beforehand.  We have to prepare the best we can, wait out the event, and deal with the aftermath.

I am hopeful that this most recent storm will move through quickly and clear skies will soon return. 

Hit "Send"

I frequently check a website called servingschools.  All schools list all openings, from bus drivers to cooks to teachers to substitutes.  It is where I get the information I need to apply for positions, and every once in a while there is something out of the ordinary posted.  Six days ago just such an opportunity caught my eye, a senior associate position with a nonprofit organization that works with teachers, administrators, and other professionals throughout the state to create teaching and learning models for the 21st century.

Be still my heart.  The thought that such a place might exist has kept alive for 18 years my hopes for education reform.  The idea makes me giddy that this organization provides a forum for conversations, seminars, and support for implementation of changes in our schools.

The reality of submitting an application to this place that I only imagined made me nervous.  Very.

I read and re-read the posting for the position.  Yes, I could do the job.  No, I don't have all the experience they ask for.  Wait, I have the education...and that and that and that....  I shouldn't apply because there will be so many people who will.  What do I have to lose?  Why shouldn't I take a chance?  Where do I begin?

I started working on my resume on Sunday.  The ad calls for someone with varied teaching experiences.  Those I have, but in most recent versions of my resume they have been lumped together in one entry.  Time to separate jobs and list what each added to my experience.  More is more in terms of all I've done.  Less in more in the amount of space it takes to tell my story.  I was determined to keep my resume to two pages.

I worked and reworked those two pages all day yesterday.  If there is any chance that I might qualify I didn't want to leave anything out that might work in my favor.  There is no way to know what might catch the attention of the person who reviews the resumes ~ it can be where I went to school or a place I taught or a name on my reference list. 

Then there is the cover letter, which is a separate entity.  There is no reason to duplicate the information in my resume.  I believe the letter is the chance for someone who has never met me to get a glimpse into what is at the heart of why I want the position.  Many drafts, and many hours, later three sentences construct the middle paragraph:
   

As a teacher I am an advocate for students.  I returned to graduate school to earn a degree in social work because I wanted a better understanding of how to work within a system to create change, how to bring people into the process to explore what is possible.  People have insights and ideas, and progress is made when people work together.   

As usual I let my writing sit overnight.  I made a few final tweaks this morning before I transformed the Word document into a PDF, something new I learned compliments of my youngest son.  I attached the file to an email and hit "send." 

That's a lot of time and energy invested into something that may not amount to anything, except that I now have a completely revised resume that will be appropriate for application to the next interesting position that may come available.

I was so intent on what I was doing that I didn't think twice about answering the phone at 9:15 a.m. with a cheery "Good morning."  The woman was looking for me to ask me to schedule an interview for a long-term substitute position that I had guessed was already filled.  Thursday at 10:30 a.m. it is.

So it's time for a haircut and a settling back down to earth.  That's how it feels to face another interview for a teaching position.  I will go and put my best foot forward because I don't know what's next.  I can only dream....     

None Of That Mattered

The rejection letter came in today's mail.  It is possibly the shortest turn-around time in my interviewing history, which is long and varied, between the interview and the "no." 

Dear Interview Committee:  If you already know who you plan to hire, please inform the unknowing interviewee in advance that you will be wasting her time and energy when she gets dressed up, arranges her day to avoid traffic delays to arrive early, thinks seriously before she answers your questions, and processes what you've said before she constructs meaningful questions for your benefit.  Maybe you enjoy the game, but I'm here to tell you that she doesn't.

I think I'll feel better after I go shred some papers.  

Afterthoughts

I did the best I could in Friday's interview.  Now I wait to hear how they think I did. 

The women who met with me appeared to like each other and their jobs.  They laughed easily and gently asked a half dozen or so questions that took less than a half hour to answer.  I had as many questions for them about the daily schedule and how the position has worked in the past.

The position is not for a regular classroom teacher.  The person they decide to hire will work with students who need someone to help them learn how to moderate behavior so they can be successful in the classroom.  My first internal response was "me?"  Then as I thought about it and answered questions I realized that I have a lot of "tools" in my toolbag to work with students around the choices they make.  I am comfortable working with groups of students as well as students one-to-one.

I wonder what in my application made them want to talk to me.  How many people applied?  How many people did they interview?  When the Human Resource Manager called to set up the interview she asked if I was still interested in the position.  The interview was then set for almost two weeks later.  What happened in between that phone call and the conversation I had at the school Friday morning?

This weekend I rethought many of the answers I gave.  Too much information?  Not the answers they were looking for?  Did I appear nervous or overconfident?  Had they already decided one way or the other before I got there?  What did they think during the interview?

Anything is possible before an interview takes place.  Then it happens and the decision is out of my hands.  Now I wait.

Last Week In September

We are off to a good start this last week of the ninth month of 2012.

Four of us went to Boston yesterday.  My daughter bought tickets to a Red Sox game for Ken's January birthday.  At the time we had no idea that this would be the least winningest season the Sox have had in 15 years.  I was looking forward to the trip regardless of the team's record, and it was made all the better that T could join us, which worked out well because he stayed in Boston to fly out to Seattle today. 

While T dropped off his luggage with a friend, three of us had lunch at Thorntons Grille after more than three long years without this jewel in a Fenway neighborhood.  In January of 2009 Thorntons Grille and a row of adjoining small businesses were completely destroyed by fire.  My son sent me a link to the news article.  We were all very sad.  This restaurant was our favorite place to eat when we visited the guys in Boston and one of their go-to places for a meal with friends.  We watched with anticipation as plans to rebuild evolved; the surrounding community was adamant that the restaurants and shops needed to be rebuilt as they were, to reflect the character of the neighborhood.  It took two years and many hearings, but community members won and plans were developed. 

This summer Thorntons Grille reopened.  It is as good as it ever was, atmosphere and food.  Yeah!

The day was gorgeous.  We had walked the two miles from the bus station to the restaurant.  Under a clear blue sky we then walked over to Fenway Park for a 1:35 p.m. game.

The ballpark is 100 years old this year.  It has been several years since I've been to Fenway but nothing has changed.  The wooden seats painted dark green are as close as possible to the row in front and the one behind, so you quickly get to know your neighbors.  The green posts supporting the upper tiers may obstruct a portion of your view of the field, unless the fans sitting next to you leave early and you move down a few seats.  Kids of all ages eat cotton candy and popcorn. The coffee is made by Dunkin' Donuts, fresh and hot.

We had a wonderful time.  It was a bonus that it was a great game and the Red Sox won.  Afterward we all walked up to see the "red seat," a regular seat painted red to commemorate a phenomenal homerun that Ted Williams hit in 1946 against Detroit.  I hadn't seen it before, and it was fun to be in the ballpark as people made their way out of the stands.  Families with children were filling the left field grandstand so the kids could run the bases on the field, a real treat for the youngest fans.

T walked with us to the subway station, he headed back to his friend's apartment while we headed to South Station to catch a bus home.  We all wished him luck for his Thursday interview in Seattle with the company that designed the "greenest" commercial building in the world.

It was a good day and a good start to this last week in September.  I have an interview on Friday for a teaching job I don't know much about, other than it's in a middle school with a good reputation and a philosophy of education that I embrace.

It may turn out to be too good to be true, but I have all week to imagine the best case scenario for T and me.

Shift Change

The past week I have thought a lot about when we first bought this house. We started house hunting on a lark, and I have witnesses who will verify that I said I would never move from the house in Augusta. Our younger son was in his first year of college and our house was finally the right size again. When Ken and I started taking weekend jaunts to check out what was on the market we didn't mention it to T because we didn't think anything would come of what was just a reason to get out of the house in January.

I will never forget the phone call from our surprised first-year college student. "You're moving?!" My older son had spilled the beans. I assured him that we were just looking and no decisions had been made.

When we made the offer on this place, T was my first call. I promised him that he would always have a room here. I've always felt good about that and glad that he has felt comfortable coming and going.

So it was bittersweet when I picked him up at the bus station on Tuesday. I know his first choice is to find a job in Seattle. Those plans haven't settled out yet, and it made sense for him to come home to regroup. He will continue to apply to companies in Seattle and Boston. I told him that the right thing will come along.

I believe that because I have seen that happen again and again for each one of my children.

I chuckled at the irony of how many square feet of living space we have in this house as I dismantled my sewing room. We have lots more "room" but the same number of rooms we had for almost three decades in a much smaller house. The space here is living space, not storage or places-to-put-stuff space. Over the last five years we have spread out to fill every corner and closet, which included my taking over T's room for my sewing room when he moved to Seattle a year ago.

It took me a full day to inventory fabric I had stored in several places across two rooms and another day to clear off the daybed that is a holding bay for mending, ironing, and projects in progress. This led to sorting through two closets....

My goal is to be prepared for any eventuality. I want things to work out in the very best way for my son. I also want him to enjoy being home while we enjoy having him around. It was easy to talk about how he will continue to look for work in Seattle, while I secretly hoped that proximity would work in the east coast's favor. I promised myself that I would be supportive of whatever happens....

Which is why I smiled and asked questions this evening when he shared that he has an interview in Seattle two weeks from today. He will fly out and spend a week, which allows time for any other interviews he may be able to put in place.

In the meantime we are comparing job hunting strategies and watching West Wing on DVD.

I feel privileged to have whatever time we have together. That is where I will keep my focus.

Back Online

My desktop is back online. [The problem was McAfee, which has been removed from this computer and I will have removed from my laptop as well. My smart children have been telling me forever to use Microsoft's anti-virus but I was slow to listen.]

The first thing I want to do is visit blogs and leave comments. If I don't get to yours this morning, I will be by this evening.

I now realize that I cannot be someone who lives only with a laptop. I miss sitting at a keyboard and viewing a full-sized monitor.

My routine is to check in with email, facebook, and blogs throughout the day. Our desktop is in the center of the house, so it's easy to take a moment to check in. My phone hardly rings during the day, so technology is my connection.

I am back in the stream of connection just in time.

I am slipping into the place where I question the decisions I have made that brought me to this "middle of nowhere" place once again, not that I can go back or that I would do anything differently if I could.

It's all my own doing, moving from job to job and going back to school again and again. I chuckle when I compile transcripts for applications because I only send those for completed degrees ~ I leave out the two business classes I took in 2001 and the 13 credits I earned when I started a doctoral program in 2002 before I decided that I didn't want to be an administrator in a school or school system.

I am floating, waiting, listening and watching for a sign of what to do next.

In the meantime I submit applications, cook good things to eat, clean and declutter rooms and closets, finish sewing projects and start new ones.

Back to "start" I go, an all too familiar place that holds something new every time.

Intermittent Connections

In my house, the problems with technology abound.

Every day I depend on my computers for entertainment, news, weather, communication with family and friends, and overall connection with the outside world.  Currently I need access to the "Serving Schools" website because that is where all job openings in schools are posted, the only place where every teacher position is advertised and links to school websites provide access to applications.

Not to mention that my resume and cover letters are saved on my laptop and desktop.  I can't easily explain why some documents are in one place and others are in another.  It depends on where they were composed and saved and whether or not they were emailed to be saved or printed elsewhere.

It has become obvious that I need to do a bit of organizing when things are working again, I say with certainty that things will be working again.

The problems started last Wednesday when I couldn't get the laptop to connect to the Internet.  I tried everything to no avail.  On Thursday my daughter installed and ran "spybot," which found and fixed 31 of 33 malware incidents.  The problem must be in one of the two not erased because the laptop sometimes connects to the Internet...and sometimes it doesn't.

We decided that I would take it into the shop.  There was no urgency because I could use the desktop, right?  True...until Saturday morning when the desktop would not connect to the Internet.  The icons showed connection to the router but no connection to the modem, which I knew wasn't true because the laptop sometimes connects and (knock on wood) the iPad connects.  I had had a lengthy conversation with our phone company/DSL provider when the laptop stopped connecting, and everything is working on their end.

So I am limping along technologically speaking.  I took the desktop into the shop Monday morning.  Today I managed to get the laptop hooked up with the printer so I could complete a third application and get it in the mail.  I have had no response to the first two I mailed so I need to stay on top of this.  Two more applications to print out, complete, and mail tomorrow.

Tonight I am trying to make friends with the iPad, and hopefully this post will appear the way I have composed it.  I have my doubts.

I miss my regular computer routine.  

Loose Ends

Feeling at loose ends.

Tying up loose ends.

In this third week of August both are true. I have no fewer than half a dozen projects in different stages of completion around the house as I spend time with family and friends and begin again to apply for teaching jobs.

Everything I go to do takes multiple steps to finish.

It took three weeks to receive both stereo speakers from Newegg. Great product but mediocre customer service and a frustrating return policy when the error is theirs.

The new dehumidifier has been timely during weeks of high humidity because it actually removes moisture from the air. It was indispensable when I had to coat with oil-based paint a rusting vent in my six year-old dryer, which I remembered after vacation when I dried a white sheet.... The directions called for 24 hours drying time between each of four coats.

Two weeks ago a storage shelf fell off our closet wall. We heard a thunderous crash and thought a tree had fallen across the deck. It wasn't that thank goodness, but a unit with two shelves and a short bar for hangers had fallen to the floor. It was amazing that nothing was broken or damaged. As I picked up the pile of clothes I realized I expected this small unit to hold too much weight. I have repaired the wall and Ken has reinforced the shelf, which we will hang up this weekend.

We had hot, dry weather in early July. Plants went dormant, and my lush flower beds from last year were nowhere to be seen. In late July the rain started and has continued on a regular basis, often in the company of thunder, lightning, and rain so heavy drivers can barely see the road ahead. Maine is one of two states in the country that have had a normal amount of rainfall this summer. The hostas recovered and bloomed, but for the first time ever deer have feasted on my hostas and left leafless stalks in their wake.

I had 276 prints made of photos taken over the past year. It was fun to look through all the photos on the computer and select representative pics. It took time to order prints online, but the reward of memories in hand was worth it. I am midway through updating albums and scrapbooks.

I have another teacher application packet ready to mail today. While I don't know what I will be doing this fall, I know I will be working somewhere.

In the past I did not like the feeling the week before school started because it felt like summer was ending too soon and there was still so much to do.

At this point in my life, I know that there will always be much to do ~ appliances break down, metal rusts, shelves fall off walls, and cars need to be replaced.

I also know that there is always time for friends and family.

Life doesn't stop when I return to work. Life happens through all my best laid plans just the way it is supposed to.

Onward....

I Got The Job

I have been waiting to say those words for four years.

While I didn't anticipate that they would be in reference to a teaching job, it feels good to type them all the same.

On Monday I start as the long-term substitute 7th grade science teacher at a middle school that is nineteen miles from my house. Today I came home to the message from the principal on the answering machine. I called him back to accept the job. He said it took this long to ask me to take the job because it's February vacation week and it took some time to contact my references.

The interview on Friday was as good as any interview for a teaching job I've ever had. I thought I felt a connection and spoke a common language, but with my track record over the last four years I wasn't sure I could trust my gut instinct when it came to how I am perceived and whether or not I am qualified.

It turns out I can. When I sat around a table with the principal, vice principal, guidance counselor, and language arts teacher to talk about teaching 7th grade, it was true that we share a similar philosophy of education. We care about kids, how they develop, and what they need. We agree that the emphasis should be on how we learn and opportunities to demonstrate what we know.

When I applied for this job ten days ago I thought I was beginning the process of returning to teaching. I thought it might take a while to find a position and that I might need to piece together jobs this spring to get my feet under me.

Instead I hit a homerun right out of the box. All indications are that I have landed in a school that cares about students and teachers, a place where it matter that people work together and succeed.

There will be a substitute [for me] in classes on Monday so I can meet teachers and students, get to know the school, and complete paperwork. I have the phone number for the teacher I am temporarily replacing and have been encouraged to call her to see what she can share about students. I have been told many times that the other teachers will help me with anything I need. [In contrast, the last year I taught I went into a classroom that had not so much as a pencil in the desk drawer. When I shyly asked the school secretary how I might go about getting a few supplies, she took a look around the room and said, "She didn't leave you with a thing, did she?"]

I feel hopeful, yet cautious. I feel nervous, yet excited.

It feels like I am beginning again.

If Life Is Uneven

It must be February.

Last year at the end of this clump of days on the calendar I threatened to skip February this year. I'd had car trouble, re-started my job search, and lost the signal for ABC just in time to miss the Academy Awards.

This year the pattern continues.

The difference this year is that I am looking at life through the lens of "possibility."

When the drywall guy came yesterday to fix the ceiling in the sitting room, I was looking forward to crossing that project off the list. In the months since it first appeared, the stain hasn't gotten any bigger and water doesn't seem to be coming through any place else. Two weeks ago I talked to the owner of a drywall company that did a project for us 27 years ago, and he was willing to help us with a small patch.

Once the guy had cut out the damaged area he was ready to reinforce the strapping. I have been curious as to what was going on in the ceiling so I climbed up the ladder to take a closer look and put my hand up to feel around...and it was wet. Oh. There is still water coming from one of the pipes.

There are two ways to look at this: There is a good-sized hole in the ceiling that is going to require attention from a plumber and another visit from the drywall guy before I can put the room back together. On the other hand finding that leak means that it will be repaired before it gets any worse, and we don't need to look any further for the problem.

All that happened yesterday morning before 8:30. I am not a morning person but since the day was already started I kept going. I made phone calls, put dinner in the crockpot, and climbed on the treadmill. A neighbor called to confirm that the man who stopped at his house to ask directions was really coming to see me and not casing the neighborhood.

When the phone rang again I thought it was the mechanic who was working on my daughter's car ~ this February she's the one with car trouble. [We really do need to be braced for whatever February throws at us.]

No, the phone call was about another ongoing project. My job search.

I have an interview scheduled for this afternoon. On Valentine's Day I mailed the application for a long-term substitute teacher position at the middle school in a nearby town. They need someone to start in March to finish out the schoolyear, and next week is school vacation, so it won't take long for me to get an answer one way or the other.

The snow predicted for today turned to rain, so school was not cancelled.

Hey, things are looking up and anything is possible.

Renewed Determination

In late September I started thinking about what papers I would need to gather to apply for teaching positions. I had decided that since nothing else was panning out that I needed to consider the possibility of a return to the teaching profession.

Just days later I got a call for another interview for a social work position. I thought the interview went well, until I received a letter in late October with the news that I didn't get the job.

Three years. Dozens of applications. Ten interviews. Zero job offers.

I felt defeated, no longer optimistic that I was destined to find employment in the social service field.

The holidays were just around the corner, so it made sense to take a break from the search for work. I had plenty to do and look forward to. The new year would be the time to start again.

And here we are in mid January. It's time.

Last week a friend helped me open a "Dropbox" account, a free website where you can store and then share documents and photos. On Saturday she helped me scan and save in "Dropbox" the documents I have only in paper form so I can submit online applications. She also printed applications for three local districts that still require paperwork to be submitted the old fashioned way, through the mail.

For now I will submit applications to school districts with the hope that I can get work as a substitute teacher. Job openings for next fall will be posted in the spring and summer, and I will have all my paperwork together to apply at that time. If nothing else, districts always need substitutes.

My resume looks splotchy for the last eight years. I will need to account for the two years I spent back in school and my attempt to change careers. It boils down to my feeling that I wanted to give myself a chance to do the work I've wanted to do for more than thirty years. If I didn't take a chance then, when would I do it?

I gave it my best shot. Now it's time to move on.

I have changed my perspective. The first time one of my children's teachers encouraged me to become a teacher, I was surprised. Then a friend shared with me a way to return to college to get a teaching degree. I liked the coursework, my classmates, and being in the classroom with students. The schedule coordinated with the life of my family, so I became a teacher...

with the thought that there would be time to do something different later.

Now I wonder if teaching chose me as much as I chose it. I wonder if the message is that I was on the right path all along. That path includes the return to school for an MSW and the time I have spent without a job. I have learned things about myself I never would have known without that part of the journey. I have changed in ways that I never would have considered possible.

Sometimes the desired goal is not the outcome. Sometimes "no" is the answer.

Message received.

The journey continues....

That Would Be Another "No"

I forgot to tell you that I did get a bit of painting done on Monday. I slipped in a quick base coat, with another coat or two needed and on the agenda for tomorrow.

I haven't forgotten about the recipes I promised to share. Tomorrow. I promise.

I was gone most of today, and I came home to find a rejection letter in answer to my most recent job application. Qualified? Yes. Good interview? Yes. Am I just starting out? Yes. Or...at least I am trying to....

Back to the drawing board.