Summer Wrap-Up

Last week we had our first days of fall-like weather. Tuesday started off with clear skies and cool temperatures, and by noon it was pleasantly warm. Then clouds moved in with showers by late afternoon. This summer was one of the wettest summers anyone can remember. Two-thirds of the days in June brought rain and better than a dozen days in each of July and August. 

Luckily it did not rain the last weekend in August. That was the time my family decided in May that we would get together to celebrate my mom, their Grandma Ellie. I had some ideas about how the weekend would go but knew I needed to stay flexible. With my sons and their families and my daughter with her daughter, we had four kids ages two to nine and seven adults to consider. We were all in and out on Saturday and together for dinner, where I proposed a toast to my mom and remembered how fond she was of my kids and their families. 

The weather cooperated both days. Sunday we had tickets to a Portland Sea Dogs game, the minor league farm team for the Red Sox, and an event that my mom would have enjoyed as much as we did. The seats were perfect, and there was enough action and food to keep the kids happy. We didn't realize it was a double header until the end of the first game, so we had twice the fun. The day closed out with dinner at Applebee's, where I commented that my mom would have enjoyed the day and I thought there was a good chance she had a hand in how well everything worked out. 

It was the perfect way to wrap up the summer. 

June had been a time to work through so many thoughts and feelings I'd had over the past year, putting words to my grief and frustration so I could see it all in one place. For me, writing is a way to make sense of what I don't understand or connect what appears to be unrelated.

In July I was ready to create an album of the photos my mom had collected since she was a girl. I made new pages for an album she had and cross-referenced photos so each one was labeled and dated. The process of finally getting the photos mounted had been months in the making and felt like such an accomplishment. It was a way to bring together the people and events in her life that made her happy, that she wanted to remember. 

In the process of putting all the pieces together I had time to think about how my relationship with my mom had changed over the years. Neither one of us gave up on trying to understand the other. It wasn't always easy and there were times that we knew the other was frustrated and unable to see a different perspective. I realized that we had come to forgive each other for the hurt we felt, the misunderstandings and disagreements. We didn't ignore the past, but we were able to see that it was the past and we couldn't change it. 

In my Mothers Day card to my mom just days before she fell and was hospitalized, I wrote:

We stand where we are/ Because our steps brought us here/ Thank you for walking the way with me. 

I have that card now and am grateful that I had the chance to share what I felt. In recognizing the growth in the relationship with my mom, I have had time to think about the things in my own life that I wish had been different, decisions and choices that I would make differently now. Then I applied the meaning of forgiveness to my own life, giving up the hope that the past could have been any different.

With that, in July of this summer, I forgave myself. And like I've heard so many times, when the student is ready the teacher appears. For me, in so many ways....   

On July 31 I read a quote by Alden Howlan that someone posted on Instagram:

"The day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect, he becomes an adolescent; the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult; the day he forgives himself, he becomes wise."

The journey continues....

2-22-22

 When I first noticed the two's in the dates this month I did not look far enough ahead to see that the best "number" day ever was today. My birthday is this month, and my middle child's birthday is tomorrow, so February is a good month in a normal year. 

As an adult my birthday was a bigger deal when the kids were younger. I made sure there was cake and Ken helped with gifts when they were too young to bake or shop on their own. When they moved out of the house they remembered, and they still do, which is what really matters to me.

I used to set goals for when I would turn a certain age. Sometimes I met them and sometimes I needed more time, which was okay because I had started working towards something I wanted. I set the goal to have my college degree by age 35; I graduated at 36 which was close enough for me. I had my first full-time teaching position two years later.

I started that job with all the optimism and enthusiasm of a first-year teacher at any age. Within weeks the joy was gone ~ I found myself in an untenable situation, co-teaching with a person who everyone knew needed to be removed from the classroom. No one would step forward to say or do what needed to be done. In January I told the principal that I would not return to work with this person the next year due to the situation, and he asked me if I would be willing to help correct the problem. I had nothing to lose, so I said yes. Another new-to-the-school teacher also agreed to speak up. At the outset, we did not know what the outcome would be...and we didn't know until the day after school was out in June that the problem person was transferred to another building to be closely supervised.

The interim months were stressful and difficult. I was in survival mode, trying to make it to the end of the schoolyear. I decided to take a personal day for my birthday, determined not to spend that day in that place with that person. I thought about what I wanted to do just for me, what I could do to take care of myself. I wanted to be at the ocean. I drove to Camden, bought a cup of coffee, and sat in the harbor on that cold February day. It was the perfect thing to do. 

I thought about that day yesterday at the ocean, this time at Popham Beach with my husband and granddaughter. The sun was shining, the sky was blue, and the waves rolled in as we walked along the shore. It wasn't my exact birthday but the sentiment was the same ~ time to reflect and be grateful for another year. I have mixed feelings about this aging thing and am working to find ways to be okay with the inevitable. More days like yesterday are sure to help.   

New Music Monday: MCC

 I bought a  number of CDs this summer, some by long-loved artists and some new to me. I thought it would be fun to share my favorites here.   

I load up the player Monday mornings for background music while we start our weekly visit with our granddaughter. We are lucky in Maine to have a locally owned store that sells new and used CDs and DVDs, and they offer free shipping with each $35 purchase [Bull Moose Music if you want to check them out]. I enjoy the new music as well as often-played favorites from our collection, and some days I put together a particularly well-conceived set. Luckily, some artists complement just about any other choices.

Mary Chapin Carpenter is just such an artist. I was going to share her 2020 release next week, but MDK [Modern Daily Knitting] just posted a review of her latest CD, which is worth a read if you feel so inclined. I have enjoyed her artistry for 30 years. Her music is sometimes soulful and sometimes lighthearted, always honest and poetic. The Dirt and the Stars is so perfect for this year that it's hard to believe she crafted the songs before the pandemic. I will play this magical mix over and over for months to come.

Here's the title song~

Between the Dirt and the Stars

Try to conjure up a night
Of jessamine upon the air
I'm 17 and in a car,
ready to ride anywhere
This summer night sticks to my skin
And the beer's gone to my head
My arm hangs out the window 
And I can't hear what you just said -

Over the radio
wild wild horses
everything you'll ever know
is in the choruses

Everything that made you whole
Everything that broke your heart
Whatever called you by your soul
And piece by piece took you apart
Every spark you ever chased
All the faith love robbed you of
Every light the dark erased
And every cause that gave you up

Turn on the radio
wild wild horses
everywhere we'd ever go
is in the choruses

Standing on the porch tonight
All I hear is a distant car
Watching the fading light
Between the dirt and the stars
Between the rough and smooth 
The easy and the hard
The lonely sound of loneliness 
That's shaped just like my heart

Years will pass before we turn
To face the place where we come from
Years will pass before we learn
What time denies to everyone
And if we're lucky ghosts and prayers
Are company not enemies
I time travel straight back there
When you were singing back to me

Along with the radio
wild wild horses
everything we'll ever know
is in the choruses

Over the radio
wild wild horses
everywhere we'll ever go
is in the choruses

Day 141

Twenty weeks...the number of weeks we have been mostly at home. The news for my town and county is excellent; according to the Maine CDC website there are currently 1-5 cases of COVID-19 in my town. My county has had a total of 43 cases, no deaths. Maine's positive rate for testing is currently under 1%.

We wear masks and social distance everywhere we go, even at the beach.

We are in a good place. Yet for some reason my anxiety has risen in the last ten days, probably over concern for family in the Boston area, schools everywhere making plans to reopen in some fashion, and my daughter's medical students return to campus in southern Maine. I will have grandchildren in school and a daughter-in-law who works in a public school. I have had trouble sleeping, also a result of hot, sticky weather in the last week. I wake early with thoughts gone wild if I don't consciously reign them in, breathe deeply, and talk my body into relaxing so I can at least rest if I can't get back to sleep.

Tonight the anxiety broke and I am grateful beyond words. It started with a video chat with my daughter about how things went today with my granddaughter. Then we started talking about how the situation with the virus looks statewide and by county. She follows the data closely, monitors updates from the Maine CDC, and tracks the latest medical findings about the virus. Her days are busy and we don't often have a chance for a long in-depth conversation about the current situation. She answers questions any family member has, though we don't take her time or position for granted. Maybe she got a sense of my anxiety. Whatever the reason we had a chance to talk, it has made all the difference in my perspective. I feel hopeful.

I appreciate people who read what I write, and every comment keeps me coming back though it has been weeks since I've posted here. I have all the time in the world and don't feel I am doing all that I want to or could do. That feeling has kept my thoughts spinning, second guessing ideas and plans.

I aim to jump that hurdle and move forward in the days to come. Perspective is everything. 

A Different Kind of July

This time of year is usually prime motorcycle-riding time for Ken. May was cold and rainy, and it wasn't until summer actually started that June turned warm and sunny. July is guaranteed to be good riding weather. Ken rides back roads, up and down the coast of Maine with an occasional foray inland. It's his time to be out and about and to stop for a slice of pie at some town's diner.

Ken's outings came to abrupt stop on June 28. He had stopped for a few groceries and was on his way home when a woman rolled through a stop sign and hit Ken's motorcycle. He was okay, though the bike went down. The back fender was dented, the tail light was cracked, and the roll bar was slightly bent. A police report was filed and he rode home. We knew the bike would be out of commission while it was repaired. We were not prepared to hear that the bike was totaled. Because of its age at 21 years and because of the way Harley Davidsons are constructed, it would cost more to repair the bike than the bike is worth on paper. Aside from the costs, some parts are no longer available. The settlement is not enough to replace "Hiatt" but will be put aside in a motorcycle fund and added to until the amount meets the purchase price of a "new" used bike.

This year the usual push and pull between riding the open road and working outside is not an issue, so this July became the month to address long-neglected landscaping. Ken dug and dug, and I helped where I could when it came time to fill and fill. I haven't yet bought any new plants but have put back what was there and transplanted from the next bed that needs to be dug out. Ken has gone so far as to rebuild support for the driveway and put in railroad ties for a new raised bed for blackberry bushes. For the first time since we've lived here I feel like it's possible to have a real shade garden. Ken plans to replace the rubber squares on the steps with stone pavers this fall.

Here's what it looks like so far~
Before:

 During:

 After:

The plaque on the stone is from Quebec and says Le Jardin. The flamingos are solar lights. All the border rocks are from our property. There's more to do but this feels like a good start.

July So Far

July started with the purchase of a 2015 GMC Sierra truck. I have driven it once, and it feels big. I will need to get used to driving a truck again because it has been many years. This is what it looks like in our driveway~

The next two nights we stayed in Bar Harbor, and the first morning the harbor was fogged in~

It cleared by late morning. That afternoon we drove to Northeast Harbor to visit Thuya Gardens, a unique place we discovered 31 years ago and have not been back to see since. It is quite the hike up a hill to the top~

From that same spot I looked back to see Northeast Harbor~

There was still a ways to go. We will stop at the lookout on our way down~

There is an enormous wooden gate at the entrance to the gardens~

And the place is as beautiful and peaceful as we remembered~

Many flowers had gone by, yet the beauty remained~

The peonies were still stunning~

From the lookout I could see the harbor flow into the ocean~

That weekend was a great way to start July. The next week I finished the top to my grandson's quilt~

The weather on the second Saturday in July was perfect for the outdoor concert with Langhorne Slim and The Law~

A friend is dealing with a bear of a health challenge. I decided she needs a quilt in turquoise and rose. I have finished the top~

So there are projects to work on in August, when I get back from a visit with my son and his family in California. My granddaughter turned 1 yesterday, and we have been invited to a party;)

September

It has been five weeks since I last posted. This afternoon there was no staff meeting, our one Wednesday a month when we don't have to stay. I thought that I would come home early and write a post, but I stayed to do paperwork. By the time I got home and had dinner it was just like every other Wednesday. I am still going to write a post.

This is the hardest teaching job I will ever have. The teaching isn't hard. The paperwork is unending. Every teacher has to assess students and document their progress. The requirements in special education are documentation to the nth degree. There are people who are walking me through each step, but I have to wait for help because I don't know where to start or what to ask so I know what to do next. I can only see what's in front of me, which turns out to be a good thing because I can only be overwhelmed with that...and not all the work still to come.

I am also getting a handle on curriculum for math and reading for 2nd and 3rd grades. The administration agreed to invest in a complete reading program that I have used and believe in. There are hours and hours of work ahead to get the program organized and set up, but once it's ready to use it will provide a comprehensive system to teach reading.

There are people to help me at every turn. I love working with the kids. I am up early every morning, one of the first cars in the rear parking lot each morning and one of the last to leave each afternoon. It's the right job at the right time and exactly the right thing for me to be doing right now.

I have gotten wiser over the years and know how important it is to make time for a life outside school, even when it seems like there is not a minute to spare. My son and his girlfriend came up from Boston in mid-September and we picked apples. My daughter and granddaughter joined us~

Maggie helped

She liked the pumpkins, too

We all had a lovely day. It was our anniversary weekend so the family time was extra special. We celebrated with our Boston family with dinner out Saturday night at one of our favorite spots, which they enjoyed. My daughter rounded out the celebration with a gift of the most gorgeous flowers grown in volcanic soil from The Bouqs Company. The lilies opened three days ago~

Roses and lilies get more beautiful with time

I have also continued to sew, sometimes only for minutes at a time, because it's my creative outlet. I will share photos of my latest project next time~

Of Flowers And Fire

On Sunday we stopped to see a neighbor in our old neighborhood.  He started laughing because he had just posted a picture of our old house on Facebook ~ he said he takes one every year because "our" lilacs signify spring. We could smell the blooms from his driveway.

I need to research if lilacs might grow in the shade of our current property.  I am going to try forsythia seedlings at the edge of the woods.  A splash of color would be a welcome replacement for the rhododendron that were eaten by deer.

I don't know what to call our yard other than "the woods."  We do have a few flowers~

Wild ladyslippers pop up everywhere

Hardy perennials grow on the hill

Bleeding heart thrives in a corner

The flowers that grow here are able to take care of themselves.  The trees and fallen leaves that cover most of the landscape require little maintenance but demand a certain amount of caution.  We are aware of the fire hazard of the layer of dead leaves and take measures to insure the safety of "our woods."

So I was alarmed three weeks ago when I saw smoke rising from the adjacent property recently purchased by a couple from out of town.  I trekked into the woods to see what was up and met the new owners, happily tending a good-sized bonfire.  I introduced myself, shared my sense of alarm at the sight of smoke, and asked if they had a burn permit.  They did.  I asked how they got one without a water source on the property.  They showed me three five-gallon jugs of water they'd drawn from the nearby stream.  I told them there were strict guidelines for having a fire in this town; they said they were aware of that and had procedures in place to be safe.

Two weeks later I got a call from the neighbor on the other side of us.  There had a been a fire in the woods behind our property.  The new neighbors had not sufficiently doused a fire, the embers reignited, and the flames took off through the underbrush.  Thankfully the fire department arrived in time to contain and put out the fire.  He told me he talked to the new neighbors, who said they weren't planning to have any more fires.  I sincerely hope they hold to that~

View from the road

Stretch of scorched ground

Stone wall that edges our property

I may be a city girl at heart but I take guardianship of "our woods" to heart, too.

April Survival Guide

April is a transition month.  Spring can't quite settle in because winter refuses to quit.  The wide range of temperatures and odd display of weather is confusing.  In years past even April vacation, the third week of the month, has been frustrating.  I have never been able to cross everything off the incredibly long to-do list.

This year was different.  I took some notes so I can happily survive April next year....

Start the vacation week with company.  My son came for an overnight stay the first weekend so the house was clean and the pantry was full.  That freed us up to visit and play with Maggie~

Maggie "holding court"

Go away for a couple days.  Ken was working out of town so I joined him in Dover, New Hampshire for two nights.  His work schedule got crazy but we made it to our favorite restaurant in Portsmouth for dinner~

The view from our table

Work on a project in progress.  In March I cut into strips the first quilt I ever made out of scraps of the clothes I sewed while I was in high school.  The quilt needed an update and over April break it became clear what I wanted to do - add more color~

Framing fabrics are odd pieces handed down from my daughter

Do something new.  Sometime late winter I learned about the Maine Quilt Shop Hop.  It has been a tradition for 12 years but I just heard about it, which is a loss on my part that was corrected this April when I was lucky enough to visit 20 of the 36 shops taking part in this year's month-long challenge.  The idea is to visit as many shops as you can in the month of April, submit your stamped "passport" for a drawing for very nice prizes, and vote for the challenge quilt of your choice [each shop has one].  Here's my choice for the quilt challenge, found in the Sanford Sewing Machines shop~

A 3-D quilt designed by people in the store

Work with fabric.  Yes, it's true.  I bought fabric at most of those quilt shops I visited.  I have four projects in mind and need the raw materials to make them happen.  The lesson is to get the fabric when I see it because I may not find it again.  I traveled 565 miles to shops all over central and southern Maine, saw parts of the state I've never seen before.  It was so much fun!  Here are the solids I bought, all American Made Brand cottons grown, woven, and dyed right here in the USA~

This is a fraction of the colors available

Spend time with Maggie.  I adore this child~

Maggie went shop hopping too

 I survived April and now it is May.  I need to remember these strategies as the journey continues.... 

Slow Stitching Retreat

The Slow Stitching Retreat, made possible by Samantha Lindgren of A Gathering of Stitches, happened this past weekend in Washington, Maine.  The setting was a picturesque camp, complete with cabins, lodge, fire circle, and paths through the woods.  We were privileged to spend the weekend with Chawne, groundbreaking quilter of Completely Cauchy, and Carolyn Friedlander, talented designer of fabric and patterns.  We learned techniques together, had meals together, and enjoyed the slow pace and slow stitching together.  The weekend was made all the better for me because my daughter was able to attend, too.  She and I rarely have time to sew together, so we made the most of the opportunity. 

The porch of the lodge, perfect for rocking and slow stitching

The barn, where we asked "How small can we go?"

Lots of room to work in the barn

My small log cabins made of Shot Cotton, 2.25" square unfinished

Work space, with good light in the lodge, to cut applique

Basting stitches in red, applique stitches in off white

Appliqued halfway around the outside edge

Finished "Roberta," at 15" square my smallest quilt yet

Again, I came home from a quilting retreat with a new perspective. 

It never occurred to me that I could get so much satisfaction in going smaller in my quilting; I am using techniques I learned this weekend in my work started at the July retreat.  I will share that project in my next post. 

I have always shied away from applique because I didn't know where to begin, much less how to get a pleasing finished look; now I know where to begin and with each stitch I am more satisfied with my technique.

I have been sewing since I was a little girl.  In learning as I go I didn't learn the secret to how to thread a needle, which Night Quilter explains here, or any of the various tips I've picked up while working with other sewers.  It's fun to share stories and ideas and shortcuts.  It's fun to ask, "How small can you go?" and watch quilters finish complete blocks that are smaller than 3" square.  I'm sewing the skinniest strips I never imagined because I picked up hints on how to do that this weekend.

I realized months ago that this summer was going to be different from what I envisioned.  When Chawne mentioned this Slow Stitching Retreat on her blog, I followed the link.  My daughter was able to go, so we made plans.  Return visits to Samantha's blog turned up the Quilters Color Weekend.  I am grateful for the timing of these retreats and for the opportunity to work with the teachers and quilters I have had the pleasure to meet. 

Sometimes change needs a push....

Quilters Color Weekend

That's the official name of the retreat.  People who are on Twitter can put a hashtag in front of that and follow the "goings on" of the weekend.  Yesterday the idea behind our work here got a bit clearer.

The air cleared a bit so I got a better photo of Islesboro from the deck~

That's the dining room from the deck~

Here is the room where we are working~

This is my work space~

My area includes the floor where I laid out my collage.  My assignment before I came was to pull together images from magazines and elsewhere that appeal to me, to not give a lot of thought to why I like what I selected and to not try to make the pictures fit together.  That was our work yesterday, to lay out our pictures in a way that makes sense to us.  It took quite a while, and this is what my original collage looked like~

I was surprised at how the colors flowed from one into another, when color is not what I focused on when I selected the pictures.  It turns out that was the point of the exercise, not to think about it but to go with what naturally appeals to us.  I was even more surprised when I learned I could separate my original collage into three separate collages where the colors looked like they were destined to go together~

Then I matched squares from paint chips to each collage.  This collage process is what Amy Butler, our leader yesterday, uses to design fabric.  Her work is more intricate than what we accomplished in one day, but the basic steps are the same.  She repeatedly asked us to trust the process and follow the steps, and by the time I saw the potential for three collages she had me convinced.  Then I pulled out the fabric that I brought from home just because I like it, even though it's not the colors or the pattern I would normally select.  I honestly thought maybe I could finally do something with it this weekend~

Here's my primary collage - the one that came first in the organization of images~

Uncanny.  Then I looked at the edge of the material and realized it was designed by Amy Butler.  Quite the trip, this journey through color....