Post Plant Sale

The plant sale was a huge success. I don't have any numbers yet, but I heard this year's sale had the largest number of plants in 36 years. Just before the doors opened on Saturday I snapped this photo of geraniums sitting under a window~

The bagpiper, who entertained those waiting outside, led the line of people into the hall~

In an effort to clean up our "yard" so we can someday plant, Ken has been periodically burning brush in our fire pit in the front~

I was feeling optimistic, so I bought violets and daisies to plant on either side of the steps to the deck and a ground cover called Emerald Gaiety for the slope beside the walkway~

Plant Sale

Thank you, friends, for your support.
It means more than I can say.
It helps to stay busy. In January my book club friends invited me to join the Friends of the Library committee. Several weeks ago I made a commitment to help with the library plant sale, the proceeds of which provide half of the operating budget. This is the 36th year of the sale, and I had heard that it was a big event. I had no idea how big. In mid-April women started digging up and potting perennials intended for the sale, which is held in the town hall. Three days before the sale the potted plants are brought to town hall in trucks and trailers. One truckload ~


after another~

after another is delivered to town hall as trucks make repeated trips to local gardens ~

The side yard is designated for trees, bushes, and shrubs ~

while plants of all kinds fill long tables inside ~

along the back wall ~

and along both side walls ~

The whole operation depends on many volunteers. Yesterday I unloaded trucks and trailers. Today I labeled and priced plants. Tomorrow I will help unload a delivery of vegetable plants and annuals from a local greenhouse. Before the Saturday sale an inventory is made so we know how many plants we have to start, and a count will be kept so we know how many are sold. Records are kept each year to plan for the next year. I have no doubt that the women in charge of this event could run a small country.

Wishin' And Hopin'

I wish I knew what I was doing. I feel pulled in so many directions because I don't know which effort will take me where I want to go. It would help if I had a clear idea about what the future holds. No matter how hard I try, the cloudy vision of the future refuses to clear.

I keep hoping that something will click into place.

I have signed up for another series of workshops. This time the topics are basic bookkeeping, financial planning, and marketing for women who have, or want to start, their own business.
Last night was basic bookkeeping methods that are easy to put in place and use. I like math and keeping records. The anxious moments come when I think about the things that I have no control over. I set those fears aside long enough to finish the class.

When I got home the disappointment I feel in myself washed over me. What have I done with my life? What am I doing now?

My life is full of loose ends, and it feels like there is no way to tie anything up neatly.

Someone in a post or a comment recently said, "Don't tell me what you're going to do; show me what you've done." That has been going through my head for days.

I have spent thirty years making a home and taking care of my family. That's what I have done. That job is finished. I did such a good job that my children are now taking care of themselves and living their own lives.

I didn't account for what comes next, for what I would do afterward. The days are filled with self-doubt and obstacles at every turn. The nights hold uneasy wakefulness and unsettling dreams.

More questions. No answers. Sadness is heavy. The tears flow easily. The core of peace is elusive.

Career Exploration Summary

The Career Exploration Workshops ended a few weeks ago. I have been gathering my thoughts about the process in hopes that some insight, some small kernel of wisdom, would emerge to give me a clue as to what to do next.

I had reasons to be optimistic. The workshops where we explored our personal values and interests gave me food for thought.

The third week we used laptops to visit a variety of sites that listed job openings. The good news for me was that I hadn't inadvertently left any rock unturned; the bad news was that I didn't find anything new.

I didn't attend the fourth week because the class was about education and training. Going back to school is my default position. At this point I need some experience before I return to the classroom as a student.

The final week was intended to give people time to set short-term and long-term goals. I felt like I knew more about what was important to me personally. However, the type of work I want to do is the same and how I go about finding a job is pretty much the same, too. It was hard to sit in a room where people were talking about going back to school because they now know what they want to do. I am past that point.

There was still one thing I wanted to do. The organization that sponsored the workshops celebrated thirty years in 2008. In honor of that milestone a brochure was printed that features the stories of thirty women who have participated in the programs offered. Many have gone on to start their own businesses. Some changed careers. Each story is unique to the individual as they found their way to do what they really want to do.

One story in particular caught my interest, and yesterday I had the opportunity to talk to a woman who is doing the type of work that interests me. Years ago, after she attended the Career Exploration Workshops, she thought she might like to do a different kind of work, and she had in mind the type of job she would like to have. A few months later that job was advertised in the local paper. She applied, got an interview, and was hired. Eleven years later she is an associate director in one of the divisions in the organization, and she loves the work.

Our conversation renewed my optimism that I will find a job when the time is right. We talked about how working with others, thinking outside the box, and understanding how to work within a system can be part of many different kinds of jobs. She mentioned how being an administrator entails all of those things, something that came up when I was exploring my interests. She gave me good advice about my cover letter and how to respond to questions during an interview. We talked about the benefit of having an open mind, a wide view, and patience.

I will continue my search for a job. In the meantime I will say "yes" when other opportunities present themselves. The journey continues....

Happiness Is...

I just walked two miles on the treadmill in 28 minutes! Making progress makes me happy.

As I said I would here, I read again What Happy People Know by Dan Baker. The book made a lot more sense to me the second time through because I was no longer looking for the secret to happiness. There is no magic formula, but there are things that people can learn to do.

Happy people know that life has ups and downs. They know the hard times won't last, or as Oprah says, trouble don't last always. People who are happy do not allow fear to derail their lives. They let go of the stories of the past to live in the present. Happy people talk to themselves in a positive way even when, especially when, they're having a hard time. People who are happy aren't always happy, and they give themselves a break when life isn't going exactly the way they want it to or thought it would.

On page 94 Baker writes about the lesson he learned from an 86-year-old woman whose positive attitude transcended what many would see as reasons for her to be unhappy. "From that day on, I realized that there was something happy people know that unhappy people don't: No matter what happens in life, there's always something left to love, and the love that remains is always stronger than anything that goes against it." I starred that page so I could find it again easily.

When I finished Baker's book this week, the memory of a picture book I had as a young child came to mind. I remember reading it with an older cousin who would help me with the words I didn't know. Yesterday I found the six-inch square, brightly colored book on the shelf with the poetry books. In Happiness Is A Warm Puppy, Charles Schulz identifies and illustrates simple joys of childhood with the Peanuts characters. It's an adorable book and lists many of the things that children love, from jumping in a pile of leaves to sleeping in your own bed. I realize all these years later that many of the things mentioned in the book still make me happy.

Happy people know how to appreciate the simple things in life.

Coming And Going

My daughter is home from New Hampshire. She is exhausted, and life is in a jumble. There are two months left in her second year of residency, but the finish line feels far off in this marathon. There is little I can do to help. I can remind her, as Christopher Robin said to Pooh, "You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." I would add, your life is a miracle, and you are a gift to your patients. Hold tight to the dream, ask for help when you need it, and remember to breathe.

As one arrives, another one departs....

My youngest son has returned to Boston to start summer classes. He had less than two weeks between semester finals and the start of the summer session, which is required this year and next so he can get all the classes he needs. Northeastern is known for their co-op requirements, which in his case is three six-month paid internships in his field of civil engineering.

Last year he was able to find a co-op in Maine that started in May and ran through December. I enjoyed him being home because I knew he would probably look for a position in Boston this year. The job he secured starts July 1 with a firm in Boston that specializes in bridges, which is a particular interest of his. He did well to get everything lined up as early as he did. It will be a good experience.

I will savor the times I see my children this spring and summer. As time goes on, their lives will only get busier as commitments pull them in different directions.

Daffodils

When we bought our house two years ago, the man who built the house asked me if I had seen the flowers in the yard. He was very proud of the daffodil and tulip bulbs he had planted. The daffodils sit along a rock wall near the edge of the property ~

and are hard to see from any distance~

although they are beautiful up close ~

Yesterday I cleaned out the area near the front steps. There is a rhododendron bush that doesn't bloom, tulip leaves without buds, and lupin that did bloom last year. Leo is checking out all the earthy smells ~

I woke up this morning thinking about all the work that needs to be done on our property, which can hardly be called a yard at this point. When I read the posts of women who have beautiful gardens I wish I was there already. Last night I asked Ken if we can spend Saturday working to clear away more fallen limbs and brush. He sighed and said yes. It is a huge job, and it feels overwhelming. We need to break it into what we can do one day at a time. Somewhere down the line we will begin to see improvement. When Ken came home last evening he noticed that I had raked a section near the driveway and front stairs. That's a start.