Word 2017

Once again time has gotten away from me, though that is not the only thing that has kept me from writing. There wasn't much positive to share. I was teaching or thinking about teaching pretty much day and night, and until three weeks ago I was banging my head against a wall on every front.

Then three weeks ago there was a major shift. From the first day in the room in November I kept detailed records of behavior issues in my classroom. I knew where the problems were and I knew what needed to be done. Early on I had conversations with administration, and I continued to advocate for my students. Finally three weeks ago a move was made, and it has made all the difference. I now have a class I can work with.

Once I had a handle on behavior management, I could tackle curriculum and assessment. That will continue to be a process but at least I know how to find the information I need. I might not ever "catch up" this year, but I will meet deadlines. More importantly I am getting to know the kids and what best serves their learning needs.

Then there was the issue of my personal goal-setting. I was completely confused about what I was supposed to document and what forms I was supposed to use. Finally last weekend I determined that I had two separate tasks conflated and that there was no way to complete the task until I figured that out. Hours later I had completed the longest and most detailed goal document of the two, but something wasn't sitting right with me. After all my research and conversations I had with two teachers on my hall I had a crazy question: did I have to do this particular goal setting? Tuesday night I emailed the person in charge of certification and Wednesday I had my answer: a resounding NO, I did not have to do that paperwork because while I am new to the district I am not a "new" teacher! Phew! I regretted the hours spent but I was grateful that I was finally able to straighten things out.

When I look back at the last three months it makes sense that I have been exhausted. The demands have been many. It has felt like there was no relief in sight.

Then there was...in the form of shift and insight and support from unlikely places.

Along the way there has been wisdom shared, from my osteopath and my massage therapist, to take care of myself and to believe that I'm in the right place for the right reasons, to give myself a break, and to breathe. That was reinforced with the words of Mark Nepo. For January 31 he writes, "Yet when we feel the reflex to hold on, that is usually the moment we need to let go. When we feel the urgency to speed up, that is typically the instant we need to slow down."  We do that when we breathe. He goes on to say that while change is overwhelming, it happens one breath at a time.

Some days it has felt like the only thing I can do successfully is keep breathing, for if I give myself a chance to get to the next moment something will break open and light will creep in.

Because the journey continues, my word for 2017 is breathe.

As The Year Ends

It seems fitting that I put my back out today. It happened innocently enough - I leaned over to make the bed and felt the spasm. It will work itself out, but it has been a nuisance all day. I can walk slowly and a hot bath helped. Now I'm watching the clock so I can see with my own eyes the start of a new year.

I am ready. The last four months have been beyond stressful. I want to make a conscious decision to start fresh the minute a new year arrives.

At the start of the school year I was working as a special education teacher. I was in over my head but did the best I could for students and teachers. When I learned about an opening for a classroom teacher I asked to be considered for the position. Two days later I heard that I had the job, and I started in the classroom the Monday after Thanksgiving.

I have been a second grade teacher for 17 days. After the first week someone asked me how I was doing. I replied that I am still drowning, but I know this pool. 

I am the third teacher in the room since the start of school, and my task has been to begin at the beginning. Classroom management is my first priority. Getting a handle on curriculum is the second.

Taking care of myself is my third priority. To that end I have seen my osteopath regularly. She told me this week I need time to rest and to heal. There is a lot going on and my body is processing all of it. We talk about how to not take things personally, how to let emotions move through me, how to protect myself with love and compassion for myself and others, how to stay soft when the instinct is to turn hard, and how to accept what happens.

Support and encouragement show up at exactly the right moments ~ a friend calls to check in, another invites us to dinner, and a snow day is a welcome reprieve.

This week another sign came in the form of the daily meditation in Mark Nepo's The Book of Awakening for December 27: 

     Without hope for the future, without hope that things will change, with no hope of finding what's been lost, and no hope of restoring the past, with only the risk to crack open all that has hardened about me, what will I do with what I have? 
     At first, this might seem scary or sad, but as a tired swimmer comes ashore surprised to find pearls washing through his legs, I lift my tired head again and again to find all I need is right where I am.
     But being human, I stray and dream of lives other than my own, and soon I am busy wanting something else, somewhere else, someone else; busy imagining something just out of reach to strive for.
     It leads me to say if you are unhappy or in pain, nothing will remove these surfaces. But acceptance and a strong heart will crack them like a shell, exposing a softness that has always been, exposing a soft thing waiting to take form. It glows. I think it is the one spirit we all share.

Happy New Year everyone. The journey continues.... 

A Light In The Darkness

I am devastated by last week's election. I went to bed before the election results were final because I was shaking so badly my teeth were chattering. I got up at four the next morning, physically ill. I called in sick and thought I'd go back to bed but I couldn't settle down enough to stay in one place, much less go back to sleep. I cried and fretted, checked websites, then got off the computer only to  listen to bits of the news on television and radio. I couldn't believe it. I could not wrap my head around the devastation that is upon us.

I still can't.

The saving grace two days later was a visit from my son and his family from California. They flew east to attend a wedding in southern Maine and were able to stay with us for two days. We kept meals simple and the schedule flexible. My granddaughter Piper is almost four months old, a cuddle bundle who slept in my arms. She needed to stay with her parents in Portland, but our almost three-year old grandson Kenny came for a sleepover Saturday night.

It was exactly what we needed. We played with trucks, read books, chatted and sang songs, went shopping, checked out the living fish and stuffed animals at LL Bean, ate donuts, watched Toy Story, and focused completely on the joy that is Kenny. He is thoughtful, curious, and funny. His obsession for all things with wheels is contagious. Show him a photo of his cousin and he will focus on the truck in the background. We laughed and cuddled and soaked up his unfiltered enthusiasm for life.

He and my other grandchildren are the reason I will pick myself up, dust myself off, and find out what I can do to combat the insanity that is about to attack the very things that make our country what it is today.

And I have photos to remind me every day where I need to keep my focus~

 

Now November

Days are long. I start most weekdays by 5 a.m. and  forge ahead for 17-18 hours. I am now sure that I will never get caught up at work. Ken asked me early one morning as I sat working at the computer if it was worth it. I said I didn't know.

I am taking it one day at a time.

Like last year, sewing has saved me. October was right up there with the toughest months of 2015. Through it all I kept sewing. A few minutes here, an hour there...and it adds up. I was able to finish 61 blocks of sixteen 2 1/2 inch squares. I like that that comes to 976 squares, a nice round number.

I started over a year ago cutting those small squares from any pieces I had on hand that would give me a square that size. I made piles loosely organized by color family. Then late summer I laid out some blocks and liked what I saw and started sewing them together. I don't have a final layout but I've had fun considering the possibilities~

My word for the year is "trust." The word chose me. I thought it meant to help me focus on trusting the universe and accepting what happens. I learned early in October that it meant to remind me of something else, too...to trust myself. I am grateful to learn that I still do.

September

It has been five weeks since I last posted. This afternoon there was no staff meeting, our one Wednesday a month when we don't have to stay. I thought that I would come home early and write a post, but I stayed to do paperwork. By the time I got home and had dinner it was just like every other Wednesday. I am still going to write a post.

This is the hardest teaching job I will ever have. The teaching isn't hard. The paperwork is unending. Every teacher has to assess students and document their progress. The requirements in special education are documentation to the nth degree. There are people who are walking me through each step, but I have to wait for help because I don't know where to start or what to ask so I know what to do next. I can only see what's in front of me, which turns out to be a good thing because I can only be overwhelmed with that...and not all the work still to come.

I am also getting a handle on curriculum for math and reading for 2nd and 3rd grades. The administration agreed to invest in a complete reading program that I have used and believe in. There are hours and hours of work ahead to get the program organized and set up, but once it's ready to use it will provide a comprehensive system to teach reading.

There are people to help me at every turn. I love working with the kids. I am up early every morning, one of the first cars in the rear parking lot each morning and one of the last to leave each afternoon. It's the right job at the right time and exactly the right thing for me to be doing right now.

I have gotten wiser over the years and know how important it is to make time for a life outside school, even when it seems like there is not a minute to spare. My son and his girlfriend came up from Boston in mid-September and we picked apples. My daughter and granddaughter joined us~

Maggie helped

She liked the pumpkins, too

We all had a lovely day. It was our anniversary weekend so the family time was extra special. We celebrated with our Boston family with dinner out Saturday night at one of our favorite spots, which they enjoyed. My daughter rounded out the celebration with a gift of the most gorgeous flowers grown in volcanic soil from The Bouqs Company. The lilies opened three days ago~

Roses and lilies get more beautiful with time

I have also continued to sew, sometimes only for minutes at a time, because it's my creative outlet. I will share photos of my latest project next time~

Technology, Travel, and Teaching

This August is one for the books. I got a job, my desktop bit the dust, and I traveled to California to meet my granddaughter ~

Piper at three weeks old

I love this picture. Piper was napping beside me on the couch and she looked so relaxed. She's three weeks old in the photo. I swear she grew before my eyes.

I practiced traveling with just my phone when we went to New York in July. In the past I've taken a digital camera and my laptop and downloaded photos throughout a trip. I didn't want to lug my laptop to California this summer so took the chance to travel sans computer in July. I missed my laptop but got more comfortable with the camera on my phone which paid off as I was able to easily email photos of the grandkids home during my trip. Ken appreciated that.

The desktop refused to turn on just two days before I left for San Jose. It's not like it hadn't earned the right to be done after nine years. I wasn't ready to deal with its demise but I wasn't going to replace it until it was absolutely necessary. Thankfully my computer guru determined that the data could be saved to an external drive, so it was the best case scenario and something I could deal with upon my return in mid-August. Luckily by then I had a job and didn't need to access my resume and supporting documents in a timely manner. I had backed up photos but not documents, a lesson now learned.

I have waited to write about the job because I didn't want to jinx it. My contract was approved by the school board this week and only then did I feel comfortable announcing my news to the world. Everything happened very quickly: application made, cover letter sent, call for an interview, interview held, and job offer all within the space of six days. I was offered the job on August 1, one week before I left for California. It still feels a bit surreal, not just that I have a real job after nine years of searching but that I am going back to teaching and going into an area new to me. I will be a Resource Room teacher working with students who qualify for special education services. I will get training and take classes and have a supportive team to help me throughout the process. I am positively giddy about the thought of this job.

It has been an amazing 24 days ~

Me with my son and grandson in CA

Mid Summer

I checked the calendar today. We are at an important mid point, half of summer behind us and half still before us. Phew. Many people are talking about the waning days of this most pleasant season in Maine, and I really can't bear to think of it ending. I still have much to do before I launch into the next thing...more about that in a moment.

Ken and I have learned to plan our vacation earlier rather than later and took a road trip in mid July. We had so much fun in New York's wine country last summer that we returned this year, staying at the other end of Seneca Lake this time. We stayed three days instead of two and then drove to Pennsylvania to spend time with my dear friend of 40+ years. From food to trains to music it was an amazing trip. Here's a snapshot of our adventure~

The FLounge is a gift shop in Geneva, NY that serves sweet coffee drinks and delicious waffles

My grandson is enamored with trains so we made note of every one we saw

The Route 30 Diner in Lancaster, PA served all the best of home cooking

Verna's Fabrics was worth the drive to Mifflinburg, PA - that's Verna

Two happy Mainers on vacation with their friend from New Mexico

Food theme on steroids at Central Market in Lancaster, PA

Outside Central Market we were treated to a concert by students in a music camp

Before I left on vacation I worked diligently to rework my home filing system, take stock of all my sewing projects in various states of completion, review the contents and space in the house to seriously clear away the things someone else needs more than I do. I jumped back into my age-old job search with the knowledge that life would change drastically when I am successful....

I was and it will. More on that next post. In the meantime I know that I will always have time for sweet Maggie~