Habits And Routines

It took a bit of work to get into a habit of getting on the treadmill every day. Once I did and started feeling the benefits, it got easier to keep the commitment. The timing was flexible on the days my granddaughter was here, and I kept up the daily routine last summer through the problems with the floor in the family room. 

Last fall I fell into the habit of walking each morning between 9 and 10. With the treadmill in the sitting room I can monitor laundry, and I nibble breakfast while I'm walking. 

I didn't recognize how much I relied on this routine until two weeks ago when I had the house to myself for a couple days. First thing in the morning I got busy, flitting from one thing to another because I had so much I wanted to get done. Early afternoon I was frazzled and frustrated, and I took a moment to think about what was different. I had not taken time to walk. I chuckled and got on the treadmill.

This past month I have moved walking to later in the morning which has thrown me off a bit. Ken and I make use of the space in the house with an appreciation for what the other person is doing, so now it works for me to walk after 10. This isn't a big deal but it coincides with me trying to add other elements to my routine, and I'm struggling. I'm having trouble settling into time to sew, time on the computer, time for projects that I enjoy. I feel scattered and anxious.

My answer has been to turn my attention to the house - cleaning, repairing, painting. It's okay in the short term but it's not a good long-term solution. I have been in this place before and remember that things do not resolve on their own.

I am putting this out there to hold myself accountable. My doctor and massage therapist are helping me work through the havoc this time of transition is playing on my body. I have suggested adding a stretching program to my schedule, and they both think that's a good idea. Now I just need to start.

I find a way to make time for the things I value. I always have time for my kids and grandkids. I have made daily walking a priority. It takes effort to add something new to my day, to decide to add a new commitment. I have the time. It's up to me to decide how to use it. And I know once I commit to something, I will honor that commitment. I am giving myself notice. 

Two and Fifteen

Wednesday marked two years since the coronavirus began to have an impact on my life. March 9, 2020 was the start of a period of time that I could not have anticipated. Life has not completely returned to how it was in the "before time," and my expectation is that there will not be a 100% return to how life was "before covid." I will continue to make the most informed choices I can based on the best scientific information I can find. 

As I thought about the date there was something in the back of my mind which eventually floated to the surface. I got into the box of house papers and warranties under the bed for confirmation: March 9 is the date we closed on this house fifteen years ago. It's funny that I hadn't focused on that before. Every year I remember the snowstorm on March 17 that stranded us in the middle of painting each room before we moved in a week later. I think about how the kids helped us load and unload the U-haul in the rain, followed by dinner at Ruby Tuesday's and breakfast at Friendly's. That spring I was finishing my graduate work with no internet or cable at this house, and there was not reliable cell phone service. If I had known what we were in for I'm not sure I would have continued to press so hard to make things work, as there were multiple issues to resolve before the closing and the parties involved were not always helpful.

Life is often one foot in front of the other, looking for the light at the end of the tunnel. 

The journey continues....  

2-22-22

 When I first noticed the two's in the dates this month I did not look far enough ahead to see that the best "number" day ever was today. My birthday is this month, and my middle child's birthday is tomorrow, so February is a good month in a normal year. 

As an adult my birthday was a bigger deal when the kids were younger. I made sure there was cake and Ken helped with gifts when they were too young to bake or shop on their own. When they moved out of the house they remembered, and they still do, which is what really matters to me.

I used to set goals for when I would turn a certain age. Sometimes I met them and sometimes I needed more time, which was okay because I had started working towards something I wanted. I set the goal to have my college degree by age 35; I graduated at 36 which was close enough for me. I had my first full-time teaching position two years later.

I started that job with all the optimism and enthusiasm of a first-year teacher at any age. Within weeks the joy was gone ~ I found myself in an untenable situation, co-teaching with a person who everyone knew needed to be removed from the classroom. No one would step forward to say or do what needed to be done. In January I told the principal that I would not return to work with this person the next year due to the situation, and he asked me if I would be willing to help correct the problem. I had nothing to lose, so I said yes. Another new-to-the-school teacher also agreed to speak up. At the outset, we did not know what the outcome would be...and we didn't know until the day after school was out in June that the problem person was transferred to another building to be closely supervised.

The interim months were stressful and difficult. I was in survival mode, trying to make it to the end of the schoolyear. I decided to take a personal day for my birthday, determined not to spend that day in that place with that person. I thought about what I wanted to do just for me, what I could do to take care of myself. I wanted to be at the ocean. I drove to Camden, bought a cup of coffee, and sat in the harbor on that cold February day. It was the perfect thing to do. 

I thought about that day yesterday at the ocean, this time at Popham Beach with my husband and granddaughter. The sun was shining, the sky was blue, and the waves rolled in as we walked along the shore. It wasn't my exact birthday but the sentiment was the same ~ time to reflect and be grateful for another year. I have mixed feelings about this aging thing and am working to find ways to be okay with the inevitable. More days like yesterday are sure to help.   

Two Twenty Twenty-Two

 More two's to celebrate. It's the small things these days. My mom and I were talking today about how much has changed and keeps changing and how little we have any control over. The days run together unless we make sure they don't. 

So when there is something that makes me smile, I take note ~ interesting number combinations, the pattern of temperatures for the blanket I'm knitting, the image of Anne teaching her granddaughter to knit with chop sticks, and a new quilt pattern that challenges my thinking about perspective and directionality. 

My year-old grandson has started taking steps, and we all clap during our video chats. This week is February break for the grandchildren so we will see all of them over the next several days. The things they are learning and the stories they tell are amazing. They light up our days.

Today is number 713, just 17 days shy of two years of  living in a pandemic. Slowly I am making up for lost time by scheduling visits with grandchildren and doctors' appointments. My fingers are crossed that I will be able to travel out of New England this summer, to be determined as the weather gets warmer and if the rates of covid continue to decline. I have a friend in Pennsylvania that I need to lay eyes on and chat with for hours. I have family in Virginia and West Virginia that I need to visit and enjoy a laugh with. As so much has fallen away and ceased to be part of my daily life, weddings and births and celebrations of lives well lived have come to pass. It is as important as it is daunting to re-enter the world outside my corner of the woods. The more I go the easier it will be. It's only through doing that it will get done. 

Time's a-wastin and the journey continues ~ 

Two Two Twenty-Two

I like numbers, the way they line up and go together. So I couldn't let 2-2-22 go by without making mention of it. Here we are in February 2022, nearly two years since life changed. Today is Day 695. 

With all the time at home I started knitting again. In February 2021 I finished my first blanket~

It's made with garter stitch, two strands of DK weight wool on a size 7 circular needle. My daughter had more than two dozen colors left over from a project and passed them on to me. Just for fun in November 2019 I played around with how they might go together if I ever got inspired~

I was glad I had taken a photo to reference when I was ready for a project. More than a year later I started Kaffe Fassett's Garter Stripe Shawl and was glad to to have a pick-up put-down project to work on that also kept my lap warm. I like the end result and thought I'd keep my eyes open for another  pattern.

******************

In December 2021 I read a post on the Modern Daily Knitting blog about knitting a "temperature blanket." The writer shared her color chart with coordinating temperatures and explained that it is up to the creator to decide the temperature increments and what colors to use. If you are on Instagram check out #temperatureblanket to see a variety of crocheted and knitted blankets. Anything goes really, and it's fun to see the different ways people have interpreted the concept.

I liked this idea for the next project to practice my knitting. I went to my wicker basket of yarn and picked out all the various skeins of worsted weight yarn to see what I could pull together. I started with 19 colors and assigned temperatures between zero and a hundred. I was about ten days in when I added dark blue for temps below zero. I decided to add two ridges of green at the start of each month [two rows of garter stitch make one ridge]. I'm using a size 5 circular needle.

Here's what January looks like~

Gray is for single digits. Three shades of purple for teens and low 20's. Little bit of light blue for upper 20's. I'm hoping for more blue this month.

Knit on~

New Year, New Word

 Sunlight.

Daylight.

Be the light.

Don't hide your light.

Light on your feet.

Lighten your load.

Light at the end of the tunnel.

Light the way.

See the light.

My word for 2022 is 'light.' Since the first of the year I have thought long and hard about how to make changes this year, how to simplify what I have to do to make more room for what I want to do. What came up again and again was a desire to feel lighter, less encumbered, with more space for thinking and creating and connecting.

I will leave the light on for you~

Day 648

We are expecting measurable snow this weekend. It's not unexpected this time of year, but I was hoping to make a quick trip to Boston to put a few presents under the grandkids' trees. I will stay home because it's one thing to get caught in the snow but something entirely different to knowingly drive into the storm. I will put things in the mail instead, and we will catch up in person after the 25th.

It was encouraging to think about taking a drive because I have been totally homebound since December 6, when I tested positive for covid. We got word a few days earlier that there was an outbreak at my grandson's daycare and were advised when to test. My grandson and his parents tested positive too; Ken was negative. My biggest concern was for my grandson as he is not old enough for the vaccine. Fortunately he came through it okay, as did the rest of us. I felt like I had a sinus infection for ten days. I got back on the treadmill this week and no longer feel "fuzzy" headed.

I am grateful that we are all okay. I am glad we had the Thanksgiving weekend together. I wouldn't trade a minute of the time we had.

The news this week about the latest variant is concerning. We will continue to be as careful as we can and do our best to keep ourselves and others safe. 

I thoughtfully share my experience because it is the case that we can do everything right and still get caught. I will go forward one day at a time acting on the best information I have.

Be safe out there~