After The Darkness

I have been breathing deeply and moving slowly.  My sore ribs and pounding heart are taking a long time to heal.

My sorrow is deep, for the loss of innocent lives and for the families of Newtown whose lives will never be the same.  The tears come when I least expect them.    

The words that run through my mind are
There are no stars tonight, only tears that fall.

I have searched for a reference to a poem or song that contains the phrase but have found none.

This morning I lit candles while I mixed cookie dough.  I have so much to be grateful for while families have lost the light of their lives.

Breathing deeply and moving slowly....

Then I put on the first music I have listened to in days, my newest favorite CD The Calling by Mary Chapin Carpenter.  I played it so often when my son was home that he asked me if I had it on repeat.  There in the last song are not the exact words I have been looking for, but I did find the words of hope for light after the darkness ~ 

Bright Morning Star

Last night I dreamed my head was in a fever
Last night I dreamed it never was so far
To reach a shore of safety and redemption
And to gaze upon a bright morning star

I dreamed I was by friends all but abandoned
I dreamed I was alone but for my scars
And blinded by the tears that fell like water
No more to see my bright morning star

The streets of dreams never looked this lonely
The streets of dreams never felt this hard
I heard my voice barely of a whisper
As the clouds denied a bright morning star

Sometimes this life is no more than a moment
And sometimes the light is lost unto the dark
But courage hears the sound of dawn approaching
And each our own bright morning star

I woke to find every window open
I woke to find the heavy door ajar
And I walked outside and stood upon the hilltop
And gazed once more on a bright morning star

I walked outside and every bird was singing
As I found again my bright morning star.

by Mary Chapin Carpenter, 2006.

Hello December

My son has a job!  He interviewed on November 19 with a structural engineering firm in Boston, and this past Friday he was offered the position.  He starts work on Monday, the day before his 25th birthday.

I am so excited for him.  I told him this morning that I envy him, just starting out with so much to look forward to.

Possibility.

This job is just the beginning.  For the time being he will stay with friends in Newton.  Soon he will have his own place.  Then he will be off and running with all the excitement that a life in Boston holds.

On Saturday we will load up the car and take T back to the city he knows so well.  Then Ken and I will drive to Nashua, NH for his company's Christmas party. 

On Sunday we will finish Christmas shopping.  Then it will be time to head home, just the two of us....