Two Months Later...

 I had plans. As often happens, life had other ideas.

I was looking forward to house/pet-sitting for my daughter the weekend before Thanksgiving. I had some projects to do for her, and I was going to write and catch up on correspondence. By Saturday the annoying, hacking cough and runny nose I'd had since Tuesday morphed into fatigue and shortness of breath. I managed to keep moving, albeit slowly and with frequent resting, and got some things done with the help of my husband. By Sunday I was all-in and home in bed before noon. I saw the doctor Monday and had a chest x-ray Tuesday: the good news was my lungs were clear; the bad news was that it was a virus that had to run its course. The week was cancelled. My daughter brought groceries on Wednesday and courses from the dinner she had made for Thursday. My husband started fighting a cold, so we were quarantined for the duration. By Tuesday this week, two weeks since the start, I felt well enough to go back to work.

Yes, I have a part-time job, started the first week in October. Three afternoons a week I work at my granddaughter's after-school-care program. I love it. I get to be with 25-30 kids from kindergarten to elementary school age, and I get to talk to adults I enjoy working alongside. We are a creative group, thinking of crafts we can do and always ready to change things to improve the program.

In September I started helping my daughter organize rooms at her house. I love that sort of thing, and it has meant that I get to spend time with her. We work and talk and have lunch and work some more. She passed me her fabric for safe keeping and told me to use what I want, setting aside the solids for her future projects. I have had so much fun sorting and organizing and dreaming of all the things I can do! This set me on the path to take a hard look at my sewing room, what works and what doesn't. In August I brought my mom's wooden kitchen table home to replace the computer table I had been using, and I wanted the room to be more functional...which led to completely rearranging the furniture. I didn't even have everything put away yet, and I just had to sit down and start sewing! The biggest change, and the most necessary move to make the room work for me, is that there is no longer room for the twin-bed trundle to become a king-size bed. The room still works for little guests but no longer for adults. There is a double-size futon downstairs and various other sleeping options for individuals. I was holding a space for once-or-twice-a-year visits, which was a surprising realization...

which seems to be the theme for this fall. Ideas and feelings have bubbled to the surface, and I have accepted them all. No anxiety. No fear. No denial.

The river continues to flow. There is a lot going on underneath the surface....

Now December

 The second half of November was a welcome family-centered two weeks. 

My older granddaughter celebrated her sixth birthday with friends in a zoom cooking activity where they made cupcakes. We were the lucky guests to Maggie's birthday dinner on the exact day, complete with streamers, colorfully wrapped gifts, her favorite foods, and happy chatter. I had fun making doll quilts to match the quilt we started together last summer and a matching pillow case ~ I am delighted she appreciates fabric as much as her mother and I.

The next week my younger grandson had his first birthday. His party was postponed but we had a video chat and sang happy birthday. I couldn't wait to hug him and his parents ~ making it through the first year is an achievement and worthy of celebration.

And celebrate we did over the four days of the Thanksgiving weekend. My sons live in the Boston area just four miles from each other so we easily visited back and forth. My older son and his wife hosted dinner on Thursday; we each contributed favorite dishes which made for a delicious dinner and tasty leftovers. Friday we celebrated Wyatt's birthday with his other grandparents, and Saturday the cousins came over for lunch and cupcakes. We topped off the weekend with the Patriots game and a beef brisket my older son has perfected. It really was the perfect holiday weekend.

Now we're home. The house is quiet and the days are long. I have time to work on anything I want to, when what I really want is to spend time with my grandchildren. I will see Maggie next week and family in Massachusetts later this month. It's good to have that to look forward to.

Day 343

Last year on Valentine's Day I went to the Portland Museum of Art. There was a special exhibit of flower arrangements paired with paintings and sculptures, and live chamber music was playing. People of all ages were slowly moving from gallery to gallery, talking quietly and taking photos. The atmosphere was relaxed, and encounters were pleasant. There was not a mask in sight and social distancing was the last thing on anyone's mind.

Just three weeks later my world shut down. I am fortunate in that I have been able to stay safely at home, and I have the privilege of taking care of my granddaughter two days a week. I have plenty to keep me busy and will never run out of projects to do or things to organize and clean. 

And yet I am tired of this, of masking up and staying apart, of not feeling safe. 

I am not alone. Everyone I talk to is tired, though everyone I know is doing all they can to stay safe for themselves and their families. We think it's important to do this right.

So I keep track of the days, anxious for the notice that I can get the vaccine. My daughter the doctor has been vaccinated and still practices all the safety measures. Once vaccinated I will continue to wear a mask and socially distance in public. Once my sons and daughters-in-law receive the vaccine we hope to see each other in person, hopefully sometime this summer. I have grandchildren to play with and a grandson born in November that I have yet to hold. There is a lot of time to make up, forty-nine weeks and counting.

The journey continues.... 

Hunkered Down

I talked with all my kids and grandkids for Mother's Day, which was the next best present I could have been given. The best present would have been visits in person but that is a ways off.

It's not that I haven't been planning a trip. I can't wait to get to Boston and have been hoping against hope that I could go this summer.

But after chatting with family in that area and reading all the updated stats and guidelines, I don't know when I will be able to go. It could be months.

Phone calls and video chats will need to be enough. 

The good news is that we are all healthy. Those who are employed are mostly working from home and following the safest protocols when they do go into work. 

My cupboards are stocked, and I have recipes to try. I have fabric and patterns. I go from project to project so it takes awhile to finish any one thing. There is always something to do.

It's a strange time.   

Saving Time

School ended three weeks ago Friday, and I have been soaking up the days like a sponge. Every day I wake up grateful to have the day to spend as I want.

The first week of my summer vacation I drove to Pittsburgh to see my sister, visiting from Scotland, and a good friend who drove over from eastern Pennsylvania for a visit.

The next week my husband and I met our son and his family at the airport in Boston. They had a lot of luggage as they are moving back to the east coast. Ken and I watched our grandchildren while our son and daughter-in-law started house hunting. We enjoyed two days together, including a July 4 cook-out with friends.

All the while I was aware that my friend Barbara was fighting for her life. In April 2017 she was diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia. Over the next 14 months she did everything a person can do to overcome cancer, and she did it with grace and humor and dignity. April this year she underwent a stem cell transplant, which often works when other treatments have failed. It appeared to be successful at first, and then at the end of June the cancer returned. There were complications from the stem cell transplant, and Barbara passed from this world a week ago. She touched so many lives and will be missed by so many that it's impossible to put into words the sadness that we feel.

That time is precious has been the theme this summer. It's not that I expect to live forever. It is that I want to appreciate the time I have. Today I found myself thinking about saving time. I stopped to ask what that means ~ to save time. Is that possible? I don't think it is. I think the answer is to appreciate the moments as they happen, to say yes, to stay present, and to be grateful.

I've turned to sewing to work through my questions and grief. Fabric therapy always helps. The first two projects use pink and yellow and orange ~

                                                                         "Sunrise"

                                                                          "Sunset"

There is a pink and green quilt top in the works. I want to get back to making clothes. There's time... as the journey continues.

A New Year

And now let us welcome the new year, full of things that have never been.
 - Rainer Maria Rilka

The holiday break was wonderful, though woefully short. The weather turned brutally cold the weekend of New Year's and just today started to warm up. 

We had a snow day on Thursday, when a storm swept through with a foot of snow and a couple hours of blizzard conditions in the afternoon. Ken got up and went to work before the snow started. Wednesday night I got the call that school would be closed... 

and I reveled in the thought of being home alone all day. There was the gray stillness that precedes a storm, and the house was filled with natural daylight through every window. Coffee in hand, I periodically looked outside for snow. There were sewing projects in progress in two rooms, laundry going downstairs, and preparations for a pie underway in the kitchen. I walked on the treadmill, caught up with people online, worked on organizing last year's photos, and tidied surfaces as I moved through the house.

I wrapped myself in the day, an unexpected opportunity to enjoy all my favorite things at home. 

It may be the last snow day I have at home alone. 

As of today Ken is retired. Officially he is on the rolls until the end of the month, but that's as much a formality with the union as anything. He worked the first week of the new year because of a technicality that will work in his favor. It also gave him a chance to have breakfast and lunch with co-workers to say farewell.

I have known for a year this this day was coming. It wasn't my decision to make but one I have to live with now. I haven't been able to see all that this means for the future, and I had to let go of trying to figure that out. I know I will miss my solitary routines and the days home alone when school is not in session. This is a life-changing event that I have no control over. I haven't written about it and will share few details here about my struggle with this decision over the last year. There have been lots of ins and outs, and there are still some things to put in place. Perhaps as the dust settles I will figure out a way to share how I'm feeling as we go along.

Some months ago I turned to the serenity prayer as I settled into bed for the night. I was reaching for something I could repeat in hopes of soothing my overactive mind so I could get to sleep. I would say all three lines, and then I would repeat the first line again and again, sometimes until I fell asleep ~ God please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. It helps, and a week ago it became obvious to me that my word for 2018 is acceptance. It fits. It showed itself and made itself at home to help me start the year.

Thank you to all of you who have stopped by to check in. It has been good to reconnect. I have missed writing and plan to be more present in the coming weeks.

And now let us welcome the new year, full of things that have never been. 

Summer Time

Summer break started three weeks ago today. I didn't want to waste a minute so there has been some stress over where I put my energy ~ what I want to do, what I need to get done, and how I make best use of the days so that I don't feel like I've squandered this time. It is a challenge because I want to feel relaxed and productive, but putting pressure on myself to feel that way doesn't help.

One of the things I promised myself was that I would write here more often. Then I get hung up on getting photos organized so I can post them. Another day goes by. Then another...and another.

So here I am three weeks into summer. Before another day goes by I want to share some thoughts. Photos will have to come later.

I have done a bit of sewing every day I have been home ~ planning, cutting, sewing by machine, and/or stitching by hand. This simple act of sewing every day has made all the difference. My brain slows down and my mind goes into a different mode. Planning a project, working with fabrics and colors, making something new makes me happy. The toughest months over the winter were the times when I thought I didn't have time to sew. I was wrong. Time opened up when I gave myself permission to create. I learned that lesson. I decided this summer I would sew every day, before the house was clean or the errands were finished. Those things will get done regardless.

On the to-do list was to look for a truck for Ken. He still has a company vehicle for now but will need his own wheels when he retires next year. He started looking a year ago at what's available to get a sense of what he wants and what it would cost.

We had planned to go to the Finger Lakes Region in New York the first weekend in July, but we found a truck that might fit the bill. We changed plans and drove a hundred miles north to test drive a few options. It was fun because we weren't under pressure to make a decision, like we were when my car was totaled in March. We found exactly what he wanted and negotiated a price we felt was fair.

Then we drove fifty miles east to stay on the ocean in Bar Harbor for a couple days. It was the perfect thing to do the first weekend in July.

We were home for a quiet day July 4th. Strawberries have been plentiful, and our weekly share of locally farmed vegetables makes meal planning easy. Last weekend we went to our first free LLBean concert of the summer to hear Langhorne Slim and The Law, a fun evening of good music.

Chores outside and in are being addressed ~ a compost bin has been established in the yard and the clutter in the shed is being tended to. I have researched how to best clean the deck and railing and set about finding the right cleaner and tools. I have thoroughly vacuumed the house, from baseboards to windowsills. There are things to go in the attic and a fan or two to come down. There is a bit of painting to do inside and out.

And through it all I will sew because time makes more sense and life is easier when I do.

Photos next time, I promise. For the first time in a long time I feel hopeful as the journey continues ~

As The Year Ends

It seems fitting that I put my back out today. It happened innocently enough - I leaned over to make the bed and felt the spasm. It will work itself out, but it has been a nuisance all day. I can walk slowly and a hot bath helped. Now I'm watching the clock so I can see with my own eyes the start of a new year.

I am ready. The last four months have been beyond stressful. I want to make a conscious decision to start fresh the minute a new year arrives.

At the start of the school year I was working as a special education teacher. I was in over my head but did the best I could for students and teachers. When I learned about an opening for a classroom teacher I asked to be considered for the position. Two days later I heard that I had the job, and I started in the classroom the Monday after Thanksgiving.

I have been a second grade teacher for 17 days. After the first week someone asked me how I was doing. I replied that I am still drowning, but I know this pool. 

I am the third teacher in the room since the start of school, and my task has been to begin at the beginning. Classroom management is my first priority. Getting a handle on curriculum is the second.

Taking care of myself is my third priority. To that end I have seen my osteopath regularly. She told me this week I need time to rest and to heal. There is a lot going on and my body is processing all of it. We talk about how to not take things personally, how to let emotions move through me, how to protect myself with love and compassion for myself and others, how to stay soft when the instinct is to turn hard, and how to accept what happens.

Support and encouragement show up at exactly the right moments ~ a friend calls to check in, another invites us to dinner, and a snow day is a welcome reprieve.

This week another sign came in the form of the daily meditation in Mark Nepo's The Book of Awakening for December 27: 

     Without hope for the future, without hope that things will change, with no hope of finding what's been lost, and no hope of restoring the past, with only the risk to crack open all that has hardened about me, what will I do with what I have? 
     At first, this might seem scary or sad, but as a tired swimmer comes ashore surprised to find pearls washing through his legs, I lift my tired head again and again to find all I need is right where I am.
     But being human, I stray and dream of lives other than my own, and soon I am busy wanting something else, somewhere else, someone else; busy imagining something just out of reach to strive for.
     It leads me to say if you are unhappy or in pain, nothing will remove these surfaces. But acceptance and a strong heart will crack them like a shell, exposing a softness that has always been, exposing a soft thing waiting to take form. It glows. I think it is the one spirit we all share.

Happy New Year everyone. The journey continues.... 

A Light In The Darkness

I am devastated by last week's election. I went to bed before the election results were final because I was shaking so badly my teeth were chattering. I got up at four the next morning, physically ill. I called in sick and thought I'd go back to bed but I couldn't settle down enough to stay in one place, much less go back to sleep. I cried and fretted, checked websites, then got off the computer only to  listen to bits of the news on television and radio. I couldn't believe it. I could not wrap my head around the devastation that is upon us.

I still can't.

The saving grace two days later was a visit from my son and his family from California. They flew east to attend a wedding in southern Maine and were able to stay with us for two days. We kept meals simple and the schedule flexible. My granddaughter Piper is almost four months old, a cuddle bundle who slept in my arms. She needed to stay with her parents in Portland, but our almost three-year old grandson Kenny came for a sleepover Saturday night.

It was exactly what we needed. We played with trucks, read books, chatted and sang songs, went shopping, checked out the living fish and stuffed animals at LL Bean, ate donuts, watched Toy Story, and focused completely on the joy that is Kenny. He is thoughtful, curious, and funny. His obsession for all things with wheels is contagious. Show him a photo of his cousin and he will focus on the truck in the background. We laughed and cuddled and soaked up his unfiltered enthusiasm for life.

He and my other grandchildren are the reason I will pick myself up, dust myself off, and find out what I can do to combat the insanity that is about to attack the very things that make our country what it is today.

And I have photos to remind me every day where I need to keep my focus~

 

Word 2016

This is the latest date on record for me to write about my word for the year.  The irony is that the word came to me at the earliest possible moment ~ I literally woke up to the word on New Year's Day.

Weeks earlier Ken and I had made plans to go away for New Year's weekend.  Our reservation was in an upscale hotel in a seaside town.  We had a lovely New Year's Eve. The first morning of the new year I woke up gently in a comfy bed, and a word came to mind before I was fully awake.  A solitary word presented itself with alarming clarity.   Huh, I thought.  That's interesting.  Where did that come from? 

For the last two months the word has presented itself almost daily, a mantra of sorts.  Apparently the word planted itself in my subconscious to remind me that I know what I'm doing and I can handle whatever comes my way. 

All the while I have been skeptical that that's true.  For weeks I didn't feel any differently.  It felt like I was pretending to be confident, able to forge ahead.  There was still a voice in my head questioning my decisions and wondering if any amount of effort could really make a difference.

I have chosen instead to heed the word and keep going in spite of old stories, worn-out habits.  I have decided to listen to a word that appeared to come out of nowhere, when it quite possibly came to the surface after months of asking the universe for help.   Gradually, I have come to believe that I have it in me to do what I need to do.

My word for 2016 is "trust."  The message is to trust myself.  

It Started With A Line

It's three days in and I can say that the year has gotten off to a good start. Ken and I decided to spend the first few days of 2016 out of town. I made reservations for three nights at an in-town hotel in Portsmouth, NH. Ordinarily the room is not classified as having a good view, but New Year's Eve we had front row seats at a gorgeous fireworks display right out our window over the parking garage. Fortunately I remembered to make fashionably late dinner reservations, and the meal was everything we hoped it would be.

New Year's Day we made a trip to a nearby mall. We had a few specific things to shop for but mostly we wanted a chance to walk and window shop. Our last stop was JCPenney. I had five items to purchase at the first register we approached. Ken remembered one more thing, so we left the line and walked to another department.

That was our first mistake.

We picked up the five dollar item and joined another line at the "line forms here" sign. The woman in front of us had a few items, but the couple in front of her had several hundred dollars worth of merchandise. The woman moved with her few items to a second clerk when it was her turn. The couple with piles of linens was still checking out when the second clerk at the register became open. It was our turn but a gentleman with one item stepped up the counter. We thought it couldn't take long, and our turn would come shortly.

That was our second mistake.

The second clerk asked the man if he had a JCPenney credit card. He couldn't remember, so she offered to check the computer. It took her four tries to correctly enter his phone number. Alas, he no longer had an active account. The clerk offered to open a new account for him, and he thought that was a fine idea. The couple in front of us had a total of 51 items; the store allows a maximum of 50 items on a receipt, so the first clerk had to start a new ticket. About that time a clerk in jewelry announced that she could take people at her register. We thought that sounded like a good idea.

That was our third mistake.

I started toward the jewelry department saying, "Thank you! We have been in line a long time." Just then a man came out of nowhere and raced me to the register. He got there first. Ken said, "Let's go back to the first register."

That was our fourth mistake.

We walked across the store with our six items and got in line again behind two people. There was a woman checking out with over $500 worth of clothes. She talked loudly about her use of reward points, and the clerk announced that the woman had saved over $250. The customer grabbed her bags filled with purchases. We breathed a sigh of relief because the next woman was holding just one item.

That was our fifth mistake.

The woman stepped up to the counter with one shirt. The clerk reached around to a counter behind her and picked up two bags of clothes which she placed on the front counter. "You want to return these?" the clerk asked. The woman responded in the affirmative. There were two separate receipts so each item had to be matched with the correct one. Ken and I were shaking our heads and trying not to laugh. About halfway through the process the customer shared that she forgot her wallet, so she had no identification. A moment later she explained that the items were gifts and she did not have the credit card on which the items were charged. Then the clerk got on the phone to the manager because she was unable to complete the conversion of the return to a gift card. Ken and I were still discreetly laughing when another clerk showed up. Did we dare hope....

Finally we were able to make our purchase. Other than the fact that I had to bring to her attention to an item she missed, we were successfully checked out and went on our way. It took us 45 minutes to purchase six items at JCPenney. At the 40-minute mark I said that I needed to write about this experience because it was so ridiculous. And because no one would believe it. And because Ken and I were able to laugh at an absurd series of events in a situation that will likely never occur again.

This is my first post of 2016, the result of something that happened that I decided to share here. I want to celebrate that. There were few moments like that to write about last year. The birth of my granddaughter was such a moment, as were the quilting retreats.

I want more moments like that this year, moments where I am so present that I see how miraculous they are or how creative or how ridiculous.

Here's to a year of moments ~

Giving Thanks

I am giving thanks for family. I am always glad when my son comes home from Boston, which he did last night. This year is special because we have a new member of the family, Maggie Louise, who was born just nine days ago. My daughter made a hat and sweater for the baby to wear home~

She didn't know if the baby was a girl or boy, so there was the decision to be made about a name.  Many were tried. Maggie fits just right~

Maggie spends most of her day eating and sleeping.  My daughter will sometimes catch her awake for a photo~

We are delivering Thanksgiving dinner to Maggie's house this year.  I think I'll go wake her up~

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Until further notice, I will be holding the baby~  

Start From Now

Students started classes last Tuesday, September 1.  I am always disappointed when school starts before Labor Day because in my mind that holiday is part and parcel of summer vacation.  This year was one of those years when the first Monday in September came too late to wait for school to begin so back we went, with gorgeous summer weather continuing without regard for where we need to be between 8 and 3.

The room I'm in this year is even smaller than I originally thought.  It is not half the size but one third the size of a regular classroom.  At nine feet wide and twenty-seven feet long there are limited options for room set-up.  I do have a small desk in the back between the file cabinets and the bookshelves.  At just a glance it is obvious that there is only room for one small table, one teacher, and a couple kids at a time.

The good news is that there is a second door to the room in the back that goes between our room and the computer lab.  Past occupants had covered the door with shelving and supplies, so I didn't know it was there.  Now I keep the door open most of the time, which helps dramatically with air circulation.  I appreciate the natural light I can see through the windows in the computer lab.

The back door makes is easier for me to come and go, which I do often.  There will be times when students are in the lab for classes or testing, but once I figure out the schedule I will have what I need on the cart and be able to do what I need to do.

My current perspective took a few days to evolve.  When I first saw my space for the year I was crestfallen.  I knew I needed to devise a plan to make it work for me, which is when the importance of the second door became apparent.  I have perfected slipping out quietly to make copies, get necessary materials and information, and take on additional duties.

The other thing that helped, at least it did when I started the process on Thursday, was to register for a course that starts tomorrow.  I am reminding myself of the benefits of learning with other educators as I sit here with a five-page syllabus in front of me trying to remember how to be part of a group discussion online.  We do have three classes in real life; the first one isn't for a few weeks and can't come fast enough.  My first thought tonight was that I wasn't ready to make this commitment.  My second thought was that if I don't do it now I may never decide I'm ready.  My third thought was to write a post about it because my fears look less threatening in black and white.

So much has happened this year that has left me feeling vulnerable that I've forgotten how it helps to write, not about the details necessarily, but about the feelings that come with the ups and downs of daily living.  I remembered tonight and feel better already.

Last Tuesday, as I headed out for the first day of school, I loaded my stuff into the car and climbed into the driver's seat.  There on the steering wheel was an envelope, blank and unsealed [Ken's trademark move in case I want to use the envelope again].  Inside was a card with a sepia toned photo of a woman walking along a railroad track while balanced on a rail.  The words above the photo are:  Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new beginning.

Isn't that perfect?

Looking For Tulips

I took a spin around the yard in the rain this morning, hoping against hope that I'd find a tulip.  I did see that the bleeding heart continues to bloom~

The lilies of the valley are the loveliest they've ever been, but no tulips are blooming in that bed~

There is a pink lady slipper blooming among the phlox, but no tulips~

 

 

The first iris is blooming, with the promise of more to come, but no tulips~

The three holly bushes we transplanted from my daughter's yard are doing well, but the tulips over there aren't blooming either~

Last year this time I had dozens of tulips in bloom.  This year I will have to be happy with the hundreds of tulips we enjoyed last weekend at the Coastal Maine Botanical Gardens in Boothbay.  It was the earliest in the season we've been to the Gardens, and it my daughter's first visit ever.  The bonus was that Maine residents get free admission on Memorial Day Weekend.  The tulips were gorgeous~

We went late in the day once the crowds had thinned out.  It was sunny and breezy and lovely.  Ken went for a hike along the Back River and met us back at the Visitor Center as the park was closing.  Perfect timing as there were no lines to exit~

Note to self:  next year look for tulips in Boothbay~

February Break

I just had a week off from school. The week of Presidents' Day is school vacation for Maine students. When we first moved to Maine it seemed strange for schools to have another week off so close to Christmas vacation, but once I had kids in school I could appreciate the time off.  This was not a thing when I was growing up in Maryland.  I think they do it here because some people want to go skiing and others want to go where it's warm, but I don't know that for sure.  We just enjoyed the break in the routine when the kids were little.

I made the most of the week.  Hair cut.  Teeth cleaned.  Reading.  Sewing.  Movies. Massage.  Shopping.  Sleeping.

Of course we got more snow, so that was a good excuse to stay home for two days, which was lovely.  I've always enjoyed time at home.  These days I appreciate that time even more.

There was time to send emails, make phone calls, and write letters.

There were things I intended to do that didn't get done.  I still haven't sent Christmas cards out, for a variety of reasons, so I'm thinking I might send out looking-toward-spring cards. 

I didn't post here either, though I have taken some photos of the snow to share tomorrow.  I was waiting for something interesting or exciting to happen, but the week passed fairly quietly.  I didn't win the lottery, which was disappointing, but there's always next time.

I'll be back....

Packing Away Christmas

I finished taking down the tree today.  I put it up December 15, which is early for our house.  I wanted the house ready when family arrived the weekend before Christmas, and that meant weeks of clearing and cleaning and making ready to get the tree up by mid-December.

Today I finished packing away ornaments and rolling up strings of lights.  There weren't many other decorations this year.  We needed space for gathering and eating and sleeping and enjoying the baby.

For the first time in many years there was a baby in the house this holiday season.  What a joy it was!  Every day my grandson was a delight from the time he woke up until the time he went to bed.  His birthday was three days before Christmas, which added to the magic of his time here.  He played with toys that belonged to the generation before him and was delighted with all of his own gifts.  His love of helium-filled mylar balloons prompted all of us to cheer and clap.

This light of my life sat in the high chair while I worked in the kitchen, and we "chatted" and compared notes the entire time.  I showed him how to smell cinnamon and vanilla.  He snacked on Chex cereal while I made cookies and bits of bread when I made French toast.

My grandson and his parents left Sunday for another week in Boston.  They will be back for a brief time this coming weekend.  I don't know when I will see him after that.  I hear second-hand that there are changes afoot in his travel plans in the coming months, so I need to ask about plans and schedules.

So Christmas is packed away for another year.  Who knows what next year will look like.  I know that I am grateful for the time I had with family this year.

And tonight is the eve of a new year....

I have been preoccupied this week with a post written by Carolynn at A Glowing Ember about her choice of a word for 2014.  I wracked my brain but could not remember the word I chose for this year or, to be more precise, the word that chose me.  This afternoon I went into my archives to look and then I remembered.  The word stayed with me for months; I wrote about it in my journal and worked with it until it was literally worn out.  The word was "release."

It sounds harsh, but the word did its job.  By mid-year I had let go of just about everything.  I have heard over the years that life is easier if you "let go" but I have not found that to be true.  Nothing has been easy this year, not my relationships or my marriage or my job or my everyday life.  Not one thing has been easy....

Except my love for my grandson. That is easy and natural and true.

And that I will hold onto forever.

Wait

We had a different kind of Thanksgiving this year ~ my younger son hosted the day in Boston.  We had eight fresh inches of snow on the ground in Maine, but that didn't keep my husband, daughter, and I from leaving early with the turkey in tow.  It was the kind family day the four of us enjoy, which means sharing good food in good company with a board game on the side.

Then I spent Friday and Saturday at home puttering and catching up.  It was much needed.

Monday night I was finally able to reach an oil guy who came highly recommended.  He has installed and serviced boilers and furnaces for 30 years and had plenty of time to talk.  He assured me that the sounds I described are the natural sounds of pipes as they heat and cool in a house that is still settling.  We talked about heating in general and he had some good ideas.  I'm sure we will talk again. 

The ice arrived Wednesday morning.  There were meetings at school and no students until 9:30 so I waited to leave for work.  I am not often in the car at the right time to hear The Writer's Almanac on NPR, but I'm glad I was yesterday.  The poem that Garrison Keillor read was a salve for my anxiety and the message has stayed with me: stop struggling and wait.

Wait
by Galway Kinnell

Wait, for now.
Distrust everything, if you have to.
But trust the hours. Haven't they
carried you everywhere, up to now?
Personal events will become interesting again.
Hair will become interesting.
Pain will become interesting.
Buds that open out of season will become lovely again.
Second-hand gloves will become lovely again,
their memories are what give them
the need for other hands. And the desolation
of lovers is the same: that enormous emptiness
carved out of such tiny beings as we are
asks to be filled; the need
for the new love is faithfulness to the old.

Wait.
Don't go too early.
You're tired. But everyone's tired.
But no one is tired enough.
Only wait a while and listen.
Music of hair,
Music of pain,
music of looms weaving all our loves again.
Be there to hear it, it will be the only time,
most of all to hear,
the flute of your whole existence,
rehearsed by the sorrows, play itself into total exhaustion.

He's Here!

My grandson brought his parents for a visit.  It's his first visit to Maine, and he arrived just in time for Father's Day.  Here's Kenneth with his dad and grandad~

There has been a lot of laughing~

And talking~

Playing with toys~

And general merry making~

There is no downside.  It's all good.  We have another ten days of this gaiety.  I will be back with more pictures soon.

Broadway In Boston

Ken listens to a sports talk radio station out of Boston.  Weeks before Christmas he heard that the Broadway production The Book of Mormon was coming to Boston in April 2014.  He asked me what I thought about tickets for Christmas gifts for me, my daughter, my son in Boston, and of course Ken himself.  I was on board immediately and the online search for tickets began. [We have since learned more about ticket acquisition and the importance of staying on top of announcements for scheduled shows.]  I reviewed calendars and took into consideration the obligations that I was aware of for all of us.  We found four tickets for a Saturday matinee.  Sold!  We were pleased with ourselves and anxious to share the surprise.

Christmas morning the four of us were exchanging gifts when my son handed an envelope to Ken and me.  Ken opened it, a gift certificate for the purchase of two tickets to The Book of Mormon.  Ken smiled.  I smiled.  Sometimes duplicate gifts are a sign of enthusiasm.  We then handed out our envelopes and everyone was smiling.  Travis hadn't bought tickets yet, so he offered to find tickets for another show for us.  We all marked our calendars and waited for April 5.

Everything about this past Saturday was just as we hoped it would be.  The rain stopped Saturday morning.  There was room on a second bus to Boston at the desired time.  Once in Boston we enjoyed every minute.

We started with brunch at the South Street Diner, where I had peanut butter and banana pancakes~

From there we were walking distance from the Boston Opera House~

The theater was originally built in 1927 and has a complicated and colorful history.  Most recently renovated in 2002 the Boston Opera House is a showcase in every sense of the word.  The lobby sets the tone~

We had seats on the mezzanine level, where the stair landing has artwork in the ceiling~

And overlooks the opulent lobby~

The hallway continues to amaze with gold leaf and crystal~

No photos are allowed in the theater so believe me when I say it did not disappoint, and neither did the production~

Ken and I agreed that we need to frequent Boston's Theater District more often.  I had made reservations at Stoddard's Fine Food and Ale, which is unassuming from the outside~

And inside exudes the character of the original 1868 structure that began as a corset store~

The atmosphere was warm and inviting, and the food was delicious.  We opted for dessert at a Theater District landmark, which my daughter and I first discovered fourteen years ago ~ 

The four of us ended the day with a delectable sample plate of a dozen desserts that left us satisfied and looking forward to the next time we can enjoy such a wonderful day.

Moments In March

Home again.  I spent the week-end catching up and looking through photos from my trip....

I celebrated St. Patrick's Day early with Kenneth.  Green is his color ~

We played with blocks ~

 

And chatted after breakfast ~

We cuddled every chance we got ~

It was as if time stopped while I was in California.  Spending time with Kenneth and Claudia was all I had to do.  My son was traveling on business, so it was just the three of us for the week.  It was a splendid task, to focus on the baby who laughed and cooed and looked right at me. 

I brought that feeling of being in the moment home with me.  I want more of that feeling in my life. My own children were the first to show me how, and my grandson is reminding me now....