New Music Monday: Mercy Now

I decided to share music I discovered this summer because of the following song. A friend sent me a link to a song written and sung by Mary Gauthier. Someone had shared it with her and she thought I'd like it. I do. It could have been written for this exact moment, but the album, Mercy Now, was released in 2004. The entire CD is worth a listen. Mary Gauthier's earthy sound is blues meets country and puts me in mind of Lucinda Williams.

The title song from the album could speak to many situations. I think it is particularly pertinent now as our country suffers from almost four years of a greedy, power hungry, cruel administration that has slashed and burned down institutions with abandon and is the cause of suffering and death on a scale not seen in our country in modern history. 

My online dictionary defines mercy as "compassion or forgiveness shown toward someone whom it is within one's power to punish or harm."  

As the song says, I think every single one of us could use some mercy now.

YouTube link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IT7NiFpJmvI

Mercy Now

My father could use a little mercy now
The fruits of his labor fall and rot slowly on the ground
His work is almost over it won't be long, he won't be around
I love my father, he could use some mercy now

My brother could use a little mercy now
He's a stranger to freedom, he's shackled to his fear and his doubt
The pain that he lives in it's almost more than living will allow
I love my bother, he could use some mercy now

My church and my country could use a little mercy now
As they sink into a poisoned pit it's going to take forever to climb out
They carry the weight of the faithful who follow them down
I love my church and country, they could use some mercy now

Every living thing could use a little mercy now
Only the hand of grace can end the race towards another mushroom cloud
People in power, they'll do anything to keep their crown
I love life and life itself could use some mercy now

Yeah, we all could use a little mercy now
I know we don't deserve it but we need it anyhow
We hang in the balance dangle 'tween hell and hallowed ground
And every single one of us could use some mercy now
Every single one of us could use some mercy now
Every single one of us could use some mercy now

Autumn Arrives

Today is number 199 of my pandemic experience. I was laying in bed a couple weeks back, unable to fall asleep, and started adding to when I last counted days I've been mostly at home. I landed on 178 and pondered that number for a bit ~ that's half the number of days in a leap year. It had been half a year since this whole mess started for me. And tomorrow it will be 200 days....

It seems that autumn has decided to give us a break this week. Last week the nights started getting colder and early this week we had scattered frost on the fields in the morning. When the seasons changed yesterday the temperatures warmed and a lovely warm breeze blew that demanded open windows. The rest of this week promises to be as beautiful. I have no excuse not to paint the exterior door jamb that Ken has repaired, and it actually looks pretty good with just the first coat.

I decided that this is the week to make all the phone calls and appointments that I have been putting off. I have a dentist visit tomorrow that was rescheduled months ago, and there is a list of protocols to follow to insure safety. Next door to that office is my optician, so I called today to see if they will take my glasses in for repair; I will call from the parking lot and they will retrieve my glasses from my car and give me an estimate on how long it will take. 

I called my doctor's office to see what I can work out to get flu shots and TDAP boosters for me and my husband. It took two days and four phone calls but it turns out we can schedule "drive in" vaccinations where a nurse meets us at our car for our shots. The scheduling will require another phone call but it's worth it.

We need the TDAP booster because we are expecting grandchild number four in early December. My younger son and his wife are having their first child, and we are all very excited. I am already plotting how I can quarantine for two weeks here before I go to Massachusetts to help out, probably around the first of next year. They have taken the "stay safely at home" as seriously as we have so they have been part of our "bubble," and they were back to visit over Labor Day weekend. Those days were relaxed and easy and made life seem normal, if only for a few days.

But really, there is very little that is normal about this time of a pandemic, continual racial injustice and violence against people of color, and corruption of the party in power like we have never seen in our country ~ all amidst wildfires and weather events ripping through parts of the country with increasing severity. When it seemed like it couldn't possibly get worse, last Friday we learned that Ruth Bader Ginsburg had died. I woke up Saturday in tears. I have moments of complete despair. Tonight I asked myself what might help, even a little bit, something I could do right now.

Writing would help. Reaching out. Connecting. Even my introverted self reaches a point where I can't do it all by myself any more. So here I am. 

I hope you are well. I will return....

A Light In The Darkness

I am devastated by last week's election. I went to bed before the election results were final because I was shaking so badly my teeth were chattering. I got up at four the next morning, physically ill. I called in sick and thought I'd go back to bed but I couldn't settle down enough to stay in one place, much less go back to sleep. I cried and fretted, checked websites, then got off the computer only to  listen to bits of the news on television and radio. I couldn't believe it. I could not wrap my head around the devastation that is upon us.

I still can't.

The saving grace two days later was a visit from my son and his family from California. They flew east to attend a wedding in southern Maine and were able to stay with us for two days. We kept meals simple and the schedule flexible. My granddaughter Piper is almost four months old, a cuddle bundle who slept in my arms. She needed to stay with her parents in Portland, but our almost three-year old grandson Kenny came for a sleepover Saturday night.

It was exactly what we needed. We played with trucks, read books, chatted and sang songs, went shopping, checked out the living fish and stuffed animals at LL Bean, ate donuts, watched Toy Story, and focused completely on the joy that is Kenny. He is thoughtful, curious, and funny. His obsession for all things with wheels is contagious. Show him a photo of his cousin and he will focus on the truck in the background. We laughed and cuddled and soaked up his unfiltered enthusiasm for life.

He and my other grandchildren are the reason I will pick myself up, dust myself off, and find out what I can do to combat the insanity that is about to attack the very things that make our country what it is today.

And I have photos to remind me every day where I need to keep my focus~

 

An Issue Of Our Time

Almost twenty years after the fact I remember hearing the news about the accident.  I taught in the school district but didn't live there, so I didn't know the high school student who crashed his car and lost his life.  My co-workers couldn't understand how this happened - the student wasn't drinking; there were no cell phones in those days; there was no other vehicle involved; and he was alone in the car.  What caused him to lose control and crash into a tree? The police investigation revealed that he was distracted when he reached for a CD.  It wasn't called "distracted driving" then, but that was the first time I heard of a concrete example that being distracted while you are driving can cost you your life.

My friend in New Mexico knows more about distracted driving than she ever wanted to learn.  Her friend died last year after he was hit by a distracted driver.  In response to the tragedy she has researched the issue, written letters, contacted legislators, and worked on legislation for the state of New Mexico.  Laws are changing there and elsewhere around the country.  Education is an important aspect of the campaign to stop distracted driving, which includes texting but is a wider problem than that.

I am one of those people who needs to be totally focused on my driving.  It sounds funny but I involuntarily cringe when an actor on screen takes their eyes off the road while they're driving.  I don't know that I personally know people who drive distracted.  I know for sure that I've seen distracted drivers on the road and do my best to steer clear when they cross the center line or drift onto the shoulder.  I live in a state that hasn't outlawed cell phone use while driving, though legislation is in the works.

It matters that we raise people's awareness about this issue.  There are statistics that indicate it's time to sound the alarm, and there is a new documentary on the subject.  This is a link to the trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TxyjJyf7gGM. 

The brief description of the program is this:

Produced by Emmy © Award winning Christopher Productions LLC, this program highlights the most recent brain research involving cell phone use, DWI, and other causes of car crashes and helps us understand why distracted driving crashes are rising at an alarming rate, especially for young people.

I have not seen the full program or heard how the documentary will be available.  When I have more information I will share it here.

Peace

I sat down at the computer all set to write a post.

I started listening to the Rachel Maddow Show on the laptop and looked over to see these words on the screen:  "We cannot rule out peaceful solutions to the world's problems."  President Obama spoke those words today in a speech.

My heart swells with gratitude.

I am grateful that we currently have a President, Secretary of State, National Security Advisor, and other high level government officials who are finding ways to work WITH world leaders to address serious, complicated, long-term problems where the answers are not simple or easy.  It takes vision,  effort, patience, and compromise.    

We are all in this together.  We all have a stake in finding ways to live alongside each other.

Reflections On An Election

I have spent the last two weeks immersed in coverage of the 2012 election.  I gave myself over to it because it was on my mind every waking moment anyway.  I wanted to know as much as I could about every aspect ~ the candidates, the issues, the polls, the analysis, and the predictions.

I love politics.  I have had an interest since my earliest memory of knowing what the word meant.  I see a connection between my life and politics at every level.  I marvel at the changes in this country in my lifetime because of the people who have been elected and how they have worked for progress through leadership and legislation.

Anyone who said the 2012 election did not matter has not been paying attention.

Across the country there was much at stake ~ reproductive rights, health care, education, union rights, movement toward alternative energy and away from war, civil rights, jobs, our social safety net, fair and just immigration policy, the environment, diplomatic relations with other countries, and respect for differences within our own borders.

At one point on election night I realized I was holding my breath.  I was able to breathe in deeply and exhale with relief at 11:15 p.m. when Ohio was called for President Barack Obama.  As more results came in his margin of victory grew.  The final tally was 332 electoral votes for President Obama, as well as a majority of the popular vote, which made him one of a handful of presidents in history to be re-elected with such numbers.

It was also a historic election for women who will serve in Congress: There will be 20 women in the Senate, sixteen Democrats and four Republicans, and there will be 80 women in the House, sixty Democrats and twenty Republicans.

Maine elected its first Independent Senator and was one of three states to pass a law for marriage equality by popular vote.

I have been basking in the election results for a week.  I know that the political road ahead will be bumpy and that none of these numbers in any way promise that a consensus will be reached easily on any issue.  I also know that we have to start somewhere.  I am optimistic that we are in a good place to begin the work that needs to be done.   

Use As Needed

I have a new cell phone...that I haven't used to call anybody yet. I did use it to see what time it was when I spent the night at my daughter's house this week. [I was the first to sleep in the new guest bedroom, which isn't yet equipped with a clock.]

Five years ago my family decided it was a good idea for me to have a phone to use in case of emergencies on the road. My son P had added his brother to his plan when T started college in Boston, so it was easy to add me, too. On Mother's Day I was given a Razr flip phone, which I learned to use and found I liked having with me when I was away from home.

I figured out how to make the best use of that phone. Numbers for many friends and family members are in the "phonebook," which was especially useful when I needed to contact people when Ken was hospitalized in 2009. Our trips to Boston were much easier once we all had a way to stay in touch.

Now both my sons are on the west coast, so I rarely use my cell phone. It is almost five years old, which I am told is a good run. It's in my nature to use things as long as they still work.

For some time my daughter has been talking about getting a new cell phone. She has researched companies, their service areas as well as how they spend their profits. My daughter and I feel strongly that it matters that we pay attention to the causes that companies support. For that reason we each have our long distance service with CREDO, and we have been waiting for their service area to include our locations in Maine.

In December we learned that that time is now. I received an email for an excellent limited-time offer with CREDO mobile. As is my inclination I picked up the phone, called the 800 number, and talked to a pleasant young man named Jason, who was extremely helpful and able to sweeten the deal I was originally offered. I emailed my daughter and she did further research online. Long story short, after three days of emails and phone calls between my daughter and me, and phone conversations with Jason over that period of time, we signed up for a thirty-day trial period with CREDO mobile.

It has been twenty-seven days and the plan has been everything it was purported to be. My daughter likes the new Samsung smart phone and has found that coverage has been as good as it was with her old provider. Neither one of us had contracts to consider so we kept our old phones until we were certain that the new arrangement would work out.

I think that was confirmed today. My daughter and I had time to carefully review the first bill this week. Everything checked out, except that we were not credited for the activation fees as promised. Once my daughter added my name to her contract, one more of those details in doing business these days, I was able to talk to a customer representative about the itemized bill. No problem. As of noon today we had received the $70 credit.

I opted for another flip phone, which was all the more attractive because it was free. This weekend I need to dedicate some time to learning how it works and saving people's phone numbers. [All communication with CREDO is online or over the phone, so there is no convenient way to copy phone numbers from one phone to another.] That will call for a trip to Starbucks, which really isn't a chore for me, because we don't get cell service in our house.

While this transition isn't a big deal in the scheme of things, it is one more indicator of how life is changing. I am sure I will learn what I need to know and adapt to a different phone. I will share my new phone number with a few friends and family members...

to use as needed.

Presidents' Day

"History repeats itself"is a familiar phrase. In looking for a silver lining for the tumultuous time in which we live, I have had my eyes open for any ray of light. This weekend I was looking through a picture book* I bought before Christmas ~ I have been parceling out a few pages at a time to prolong the enjoyment of reading the book. And there it was...a sign that this time, too, shall pass. It is an excerpt of a piece written by a well-known poet. I will share who wrote it and when at the bottom of the page. If you're game, read through and take a guess. I wouldn't have known before, but I am glad I know now.

It is the fashion among dillettants and fops (perhaps
I myself am not guiltless,) to decry the whole formulation
of the active politics of America, as beyond redemption,
and to be carefully kept away from. See you that you
do not fall into this error. America, it may be, is doing
very well upon the whole, notwithstanding these antics
of the parties and their leaders, these half-brain'd nominees,
the many ignorant ballots, and many elected failures and
blatherers. It is the dillettants, and all who shirk their duty,
who are not doing well. As for you, I advise you to enter
more strongly yet into politics. I advise every young man
to do so. Always inform yourself; always do the best you can;
always vote. Disengage yourself from parties. They have
been useful, and to some extent remain so; but the floating,
uncommitted electors, farmers, clerks, mechanics, the
masters of parties - watching aloof, inclining victory this
side or that side - such are the ones most needed, present
and future. For America, if eligible at all to downfall and
ruin, is eligible within herself, not without; for I see clearly
that the combined foreign world could not beat her down.
But these savage, wolfish parties alarm me. Owning no
law but their own will, more and more combative, less
and less tolerant of the idea of ensemble and of equal
brotherhood, the perfect equality of the States, the ever-
over-arching American ideas, it behooves you to convey
yourself implicitly to no party, nor submit blindly to their
dictators, but steadily hold yourself judge and master
over all of them.

From Democratic Vistas

* * * * * * * * *



written by Walt Whitman in 1871

(*Voices in Poetry: Walt Whitman, 1994, Creative Education, p. 19)

On Being Bold And True: Week One

This post is the first in a series of Monday posts On Being Bold and True. Anne at One Little Window made a proposal that I found intriguing: every Monday we post something we feel passionately about, something we're proud of accomplishing. We speak those things that, if we stand tall and proud within them, make us who we are. The goal is for people to listen to, learn about, and support each other, to honor those things about others that they feel passionately about but that they otherwise might not write about. Her entire proposal is here. If you'd like to join in, leave a comment for Anne with a link to your blog and she will add you to the list on her sidebar. I encourage you to visit Anne's blog in any event because she is an interesting, thoughtful woman and a wonderful writer.

On a personal note, I write about my individual journey here. I am a sensitive person myself and try to not write anything that someone could misinterpret or be offended by. I value everyone who reads here. My goal is not to raise controversy but to share things near and dear to my heart that I don't otherwise write about. I am going to see how "being bold and true" feels for a week or two, and then I will decide whether to continue or not.

Here I go ~

When someone asks me what I am passionate about, I do not have a short answer. My deepest passion is a thread that runs through everything else in my life.

I feel passionately about democracy, specifically about our country's representative democracy. I believe that each one of us has a part to play in our government. Abraham Lincoln's words succinctly describe my belief in a "government by the people, of the people, for the people."

I live this passion.

My children went with me to vote from the time they were infants. We always discussed current events and issues around the dinner table. Each of my children registered to vote when they were 18 and have voted in every election since.

My students learned about the importance of democracy through class meetings. I was an advisor to student council and organized schoolwide mock elections. Twice I took students to witness the convening of the state's Electoral College. I invited local politicians to speak to students about their positions and referendum issues.

A government such as ours depends on the participation of all citizens. It is critical that we listen to each other, talk about issues, and disagree respectfully. One person has one vote, and we cast those votes for the people who will represent us at local, state, and national levels. If we are unhappy with the results, we try again next time. In the meantime, we have the freedom to speak, argue our case, and work to change the laws.

We do not have the right to tell lies and spread rumors about people we disagree with.

We most certainly do not have the right to act violently toward people who do not share our views.

I was in second grade when President John F. Kennedy was assassinated. I remember the announcement over the school intercom that our president had been tragically shot in Dallas. I didn't understand how something like this could happen in my country.

I was twelve years old when Martin Luther King, Jr. was assassinated. My sixth-grade teacher came to school the next day in tears; we wrote essays and talked about what this tragedy meant to us personally and to our country. It was that same year that Robert Kennedy was assassinated, and again our country sank into despair over what it meant to be a free, democratic society. At what cost would freedom and civil rights belong to all of our country's citizens?

The shootings this past Saturday in Tucson, Arizona shook me to my very core. I am devastated by the reality that this type of violence still exists in my country. The past two nights I have gone to bed in tears, frustrated and angry and inconsolable, fearful about what this means for elected politicians and the respectful political discourse necessary in an open society such as ours. I wonder how we can go forward as a country to solve our problems, as we need the voices of all the people to be the best we can be.

In my despair, I started pulling books off the shelves, looking for consolation and reassurance that we will get through this. I pulled out a slim book ~ a book of words and photos of Martin Luther King, Jr. selected by Coretta Scott King. The book is organized by category and the excerpts are not dated; I have chosen a few selections to share here, in an order that appeals to me, that remind me of where my country has been, how far we have come, how far we still have to go, and what might be possible ~

"When evil men plot, good men must plan. When evil men burn and bomb, good men must build and bind. When evil men shout ugly words of hatred, good men must commit themselves to the glories of love. Where evil men would seek to perpetuate an unjust status quo, good men must seek to bring into being a real order of justice." (p. 51)

"Many people fear nothing more terribly than to take a position which stands out sharply and clearly from the prevailing opinion. The tendency of most is to adopt a view so ambiguous that it will include everything and so popular this it will include everybody. Not a few men who cherish lofty and noble ideals hide them under a bushel for fear of being called different." (p. 24)

"Hatred and bitterness can never cure the disease of fear; only love can do that. Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it. Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illumines it." (p. 90)

"We must work passionately and indefatigably to bridge the gulf between our scientific progress and our moral progress. One of the great problems of mankind is that we suffer from a poverty of the spirit which stands in glaring contrast to our scientific and technological abundance. The richer we have become materially, the poorer we have become morally and spiritually." (p. 67)

"Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend." (p. 18)

All excerpts from The Words of Martin Luther King, Jr., 1987, Newmarket Press.

My Timing Could Be Better

This is the last week of my Buddha Chick class.

Tuesday of next week is the last night of my computer class.

I didn't plan this very well. As of December 8 I will be without my carefully planned schedule of contacts with the outside world. If I'm not careful I will replace it with too many calories and a brouhaha of the worst sort.

I got a call today to see if I am interested in a cookie swap this year. No, I'm not. I don't want all those extra temptations in the house. For the last six years I have found a way to balance my food & drink input with my post-menopausal body, and I've done a pretty good job. Just in the last few weeks I have felt out of balance and realized that I need to recalibrate; I need to cut back on sweets. Right now there are Oreos, which I bought for my son, and Dunkers, from Trader Joe's, in the house. I can limit myself to one of each and hold that line. However, having a dozen different kinds of Christmas cookies in the house is not a good idea.

Town politics are about ready to implode. There will be a letter in tomorrow's local newspaper from one selectman, who is a lawyer, to another selectman delineating all the ways the latter has broken the law. Two of the three selectmen have been having discussions about town business in a local restaurant, and that breaks all kinds of rules. The town manager plans to take medical leave because of the stress she has been under. All of this has been brewing for months with a certain faction who want to "take back their town," but from whom we're not sure because those that are screaming the loudest and spreading rumors are the ones who have majority representation on the select board. There are many of us who want to support the town manager, who has brought the town back from the brink of red ink, but we've had a hard time figuring out how to help. Slowly but surely the truth is coming out, and there's talk the town might be able to enlist a mediator to help get town government back on track. We may need a new selectman or two in the process.

I've been tempted to get my hair cut. Again. I went three weeks ago and now have all kinds of layers I don't know what to do with. Each morning I decide to give it one more day. This is not a good time to make a decision about a return to a short hairstyle.

So, yes, my timing could be better. I'm not sure what I could have done differently, but I'm not looking forward to being left completely to my own devices. I have plenty to do. I always have plenty to do. It's the regular contact with the outside world I will miss.

I wonder what classes are being offered in January....

Small Town Politics

The governing body for my town meets every other Tuesday evening for 90 minutes. In this town of 2,700 there may be a half dozen or so people in attendance at each meeting of the select board.

I went to last night's meeting because I heard that the issue of Comcast's contract with the town might be on the agenda. The residents on my road have been trying for a year to get cable pulled down our road.

Ken and I arrived ten minutes before the meeting started. The parking lot was full. The meeting room was full, with more people arriving every minute. We pulled chairs in from another room and sat on the side of the room in the front. There were at least 60 people in the room and dozens more in the hallway because there was no space for them inside.

We looked over the agenda. There was no mention of Comcast. There also wasn't anything on the agenda that seemed to call for the number of people in attendance, few of whom we recognized.

It didn't take us long to figure out what was going on.

In February there was a special election to fill one of the three seats on the select board. The office of the state's attorney general is now investigating that election. According to an article in the local newspaper, a complaint has been filed that makes accusations of impropriety on the part of staff in the town office.

That's what the people there last night wanted to talk about, but they were told in no uncertain terms that the topic would not be discussed until the investigation has been completed. The agenda was moved quickly and the meeting lasted all of 25 minutes.

Ken and I had no idea of what was afoot, but I'm glad we were there to support the beleaguered town manager. Everyone I know says she has done a lot of good for this town.

No one I know knows the details of the current brouhaha.

There is a group of malcontents in town who hold clandestine meetings and keep their cards very close to the vest. I know a few names but I don't know any of them personally. I do know they were behind the secretive write-in campaign to defeat me last June when I ran unopposed for a seat on the select board.

That's all I want to know.

I have been told that this is how small town politics work. I don't think it has to be that way.

There is a small group of us who have started meeting to share ideas about what we want for our town. We keep minutes of the meetings and are putting together an email list. Our goal is to find out what matters to people and to invite people to get involved.

The group I belong to talks about how to build community.

That's what small town politics should be about.

Remember To Vote

Last evening I received an email reminder from my state representative to remember to vote today. I know him personally and couldn't resist a reply.

Everyone in my household has already voted.

We take voting seriously in my family.

Ken learned years ago to vote early because he never knows where he will be working on election day. I have always made sure my kids got absentee ballots while they are away at school. My daughter is at a conference in New Orleans this week, and voting before she left was on her to-do list.

I had a feeling last week that I should vote early. I have class all day today and some errands to run while I'm out of town. It has the potential to be one of those days when things don't go exactly as planned.

At the very least I have taken care of my most important commitment for this first Tuesday in November.

I voted.

This Is Our Life

Ken and I moved to Maine for the quality of life we found here. It is a good place to live and has been the best place for us to raise a family. Often times the best way to know about a place and the people who live there is to observe what they consider important and how they treat each other. The following video, to the song "This Is Our Life" by Mary Beth Maziarz, is a beautiful illustration of families in Maine. This is who we are ~



The issue of marriage equality is on the minds of many Mainers and the law will be subject to a people's referendum at the polls in November. In Maine, like so many places, we don't all live the same way or have the same opinion about every issue. We are an independent lot, and our laws represent the respect we have for all people. Though change is hard for some, fairness and equality are always the right answer. This is how we live ~



It helps for me to know that the people of Maine are not alone in their desire for fairness and equality for all. This video is for my daughter, who loves all things from Ireland ~

Another Rainy Monday

It's another rainy day. It was hard to get out of bed this morning. Funny, the lure of laundry and the need to vacuum did not entice me to get moving. Then I remembered the oatmeal bread. The thought of a slice of toast and a fresh cup of coffee did the trick.

I may need to bake more bread.

For I will need sustenance as I retool, the perfect word for my new mission ~ to reorganize to meet new or different needs or conditions.

I learned after last week's election that the write-in campaign was directed specifically at me. We thought it was about the new land use ordinance, which passed with a healthy majority at town meeting. No, it turns out that it was a campaign against me, by name, in my bid for a seat on the select board.

Why?

1) I have not lived here all my life.

Well, I moved here as soon as I could.

2) I am a Democrat.

Well, I was born that way.

I guess it's a good thing that this information about me is out in the open. Not that the whole town doesn't know which house I live in, or that it's not obvious from the stickers on my car which way my politics lean.

It has been an important lesson for me because while I thought I was being civic-minded and open to other opinions, some people made up their minds about me before they even met me. They didn't like what they thought they knew about me.

I often worry what people think about me, and this certainly has been an obstacle in my path. There are some things I can't keep making detours around if I want to go forward.

And The Day After That

In the past year I have not found a job, started a business, or gotten elected to public office.

During the same twelve months my children have made it clear that they can function quite well without my help, thank you very much.

The one place I have been successful is here, in this space. Somehow, someway I have been able to share who I am with my words and photos.

You, my readers, know me as well as my family...and better than most people who know me in person.

The phone calls I have received in the past two days have been well intentioned and kind. The person calling first tells me what I good job I did, even though I lost the election. Then the individual proceeds to tell me all the other people they know who have lost a first election, or that they know how it feels, or what training/experience/public service I could complete to be better prepared the next time.

What they don't know is why I put my name on the ballot in the first place or why I wouldn't want to do it again.

It is here that I am reassured that there are people who know and understand me.

For that, I am grateful.

The Morning After The Election

The tally as of 9:15 last night was 232 votes for me and 281 votes for the write-in.

I needed 50 more votes to win.

Thank you for your good thoughts and best wishes. I am sure they are what sustained me through 8 hours of standing yesterday. The warden, who oversees the polling site, allowed me to stand under an overhang just outside the door. It was good to be under cover because it was 50 degrees and rainy all day. I wore a brimmed hat, trench coat, and winter clogs. Mid-afternoon I added a sweater.

Late-morning I had tea and toast with my friend in town, and later I came home for soup and a cup of coffee. At dinnertime Ken brought me coffee and animal crackers. Other than that I was on my feet greeting people and telling them my name.

I probably said hello to most of the people who voted against me.

I also met people whose names I have been hearing for two years. I shook hands with people who helped with my campaign, people who told me they voted for me, people who thanked me, and people who wished me luck.

I didn't get a chance to talk to the person who started this ball rolling when he neglected to tell anyone he wasn't running again. He walked by me twice, once on his way in and then on his way out, with his back to me pulling the old "look over there" trick. That was just rude.

I met a well-known builder in town who told me he toured my house when it was being built. He said the guy did a good job. He's currently building a house of similar materials and invited me to stop by to see it.

At the beginning of the day the warden made sure I knew the rules about what I could say to people. He checked on me throughout the day. At 7:00 last evening he told me I could stand inside the small entryway where it was warmer because I "had been a good sport all day." Gee, thanks.

I will not run for select board again. For a long time, possibly many years, I will known as the "woman who lost to a write-in candidate."

In addition to that there are two difficult things to accept about this experience:

We did the best we could with the information, time, and resources that we had. We made at least 200 more contacts, phone calls, and emails than people who voted for me. I needed just 50 more votes to win. Participatory democracy works when people participate...

And it works when people use the democratic process. I took out papers, collected signatures, filed papers, and got my name on the ballot. The other side, known bullies in town, worked undercover up until just days ago. When bullies win, they continue to bully.

Our annual town meeting is tonight. My friend in politics said it's going to be a bad one.

I will go to the meeting, although I am not looking forward to it. Ken is working out of town so he won't be home to go. There are four huge issues, and many smaller ones, to discuss and vote on.

I believe in the democratic process so I will go to vote on the issues. People who value this town as I do will need to do the same, or the bullies will win again.

Election Day

Today is the day. I think I have a 50-50 chance of winning this election.

I will spend most of the day standing outside the polling place, the old town hall. I can say, "Hello, my name is Sharon." No embellishment. No campaigning.

My presence is also intended to keep the write-in candidate from campaigning, or handing out anything with his name on it within 250 feet of the polling place.

From the beginning I have not taken anything for granted. Up until the end of the last day a person could file papers to get on the ballot I did not assume I would be the only candidate. I was not sure what it meant when the rumors started that there was a write-in candidate, but when I was told it meant we needed to get the word out, then I was ready to do what I could.

When my friend in town learned of my plans for today, she invited me to her house for lunch. That will provide a nice break.

It's going to rain. I better take an umbrella.

When the polls close at 8:00 tonight I will be there to hear the results. Stay tuned....

Covert No More

My campaign for town select person is heating up.

The undercover write-in campaign for the position on the select board is no longer covert. I learned yesterday that they mailed post cards for their unofficial candidate to all republicans in town. And there was a letter to the editor in the local paper publicizing the existence of the write-in campaign.

I had hoped this could stay a nonpartisan campaign. The issue should be who will do the best job for the people of the town, not what party the candidate belongs to.

My friends and I don't have money to put into my campaign. We do have the ability to send emails and make phone calls. On Sunday and Monday a small group of us will make hundreds of phone calls to encourage people to vote for me, the only candidate on the ballot. We will also remind people of the yearly town meeting, where many of the issues important to the town will be discussed and decided. The meeting has been moved to the gym at the elementary school because a crowd is expected, which is a good thing. The more voices the better.

As much as I like to stay in the background, this turn of events has forced me out to meet people and to talk to people beyond a polite greeting. It feels good when people thank me for running for office, for being willing to take a position of leadership.

This experience has helped me realize I am covert no more, in this campaign or in my life. This push onto the public stage, albeit on a local scale, has peeled away my protective cover of anonymity in real life and caused me to consider my online persona as well.

I have thought long and hard about what I have written here in the last year. As I reread posts I was surprised at how honest I was about what was going on in my life. Then I surprised myself when I had the thought that someone could use my words for purposes not in my best interest. That had not occurred to me before. It has certainly been food for thought as I move forward.

Vote For Me

When my daughter heard I was running for the town's select board, she bought me this "Candidate in a Box" campaign kit~
We had a good laugh and didn't think too much about it.

When I took out papers to run for the position of select person and went door to door to collect signatures, I was the only person to go to through the process to have my name on the ballot June 9.

This week I learned that a small group of townspeople are running a covert write-in campaign to have voters choose another candidate by writing that person's name on ballots. The rules are that if a write-in candidate gets the most votes, that person wins the election.

The problem with this is the word "covert." It's one of those things that people hear about through rumors and gossip. It's hard to know exactly who or how many are involved.

The good news is that it doesn't look like the intention is a personal attack on me.

The bad news is that it does look like this small group is working undercover to derail an effort to update land use ordinances that has been underway for two years and has involved committee work, public hearings, and compromise.

Originally I wanted to get involved in my community by running for local office and filling a position that it looked like no one else would step forward to fill.

Instead I am caught up in a campaign with an unseen opponent, a campaign that I didn't expect or plan for.

People are helping me with the creation of information about myself, phone calls, letters to the editor, and generally getting out the word. Tomorrow morning, at the recycling barn, a friend and I will hand out post cards that explain who I am.

In the meantime, because I am facing an unknown opponent and I have no idea to what lengths they will go, I have pulled many of my posts from this site. They are "saved in draft" and will reappear when the dust settles. I don't like feeling vulnerable. As honest as I have been in the past year, I do not want to leave myself open to the judgment of strangers if by chance they find me online.

My daughter joked that if someone googles my name the first thing that comes up is a famous porn star. That's not me, but everything on this blog is.

The election is in ten days. Wish me luck with my campaign....

25 Signatures

Two and a half weeks ago Punditmom wrote a post about how the time has come for more women to get involved in politics at all levels. I wondered how to make that happen.

I need to be more careful about the questions I ask.

One week later I got a phone call from a neighbor who asked me to think about running for our town's select board, which is similar to a town council. There are three people on the board who serve for three-year terms. The person whose term is up this year decided not to run again. No one had taken out papers to collect signatures to get on the ballot, with only ten days to go to the filing deadline. I told my neighbor I would think about it.

I thought long and hard. I never intended to run for office. I would like to get to know more of my neighbors and learn more about my town. I have the time and energy for public service. I decided some time ago that, whenever possible, I will say yes when opportunities present themselves.

I didn't have one good reason to say no. I went to town hall and got the necessary papers, and my neighbor helped me collect the 25 signatures needed. I filed the papers with the town clerk, and on June 9 my name will appear on the ballot. I am running unopposed, so chances are good I will win.

This wasn't the job I was looking for, and I'm still looking for gainful employment. Whatever happens, this will be an experience. If nothing else, I will learn about town government. I also hope to learn how to not take things so personally. Who knows what comes next....