The Final Family Piece Falls In Place

June 10 of last year was my 13th day in Morgantown, WV. It was the first time I would see my younger brother in twelve years, not since my older son's wedding in Boston. That was the last time all of us had been together. I am grateful we took advantage of the photographer's set-up for family photos ~ we enjoyed the time together that weekend and it shows.

It was only big events that brought us together once my mom married Charlie and moved to WV in 2003. We all made it to their wedding, another happy event as everyone there was glad for them. I was especially glad to see my mom happy. They lived in a small town in the mountains of eastern WV, not an easy place to get to from any direction. From my house it is a 15 hour trip, whether I drive or fly into a city that is still 3 hours away. There was no room for guests in their small trailer, which meant a stay in a run-down motel down the road. It was much easier for us to get together when she lived in Maryland, just outside D.C.

So I was glad my brother made the trip. I wanted to talk to him to see how he was doing. He has had serious health challenges and all I knew I had heard second-hand. It was good to hear his voice. We all sat and talked for a long time.

My sister decided to stay through the weekend because my brother and his partner were staying. She could stay in their room. I was leaving for Pennsylvania. I needed a solid night's sleep in a good bed and time to rest. I had one clean change of clothes and new socks and underwear from Target. 

It was bittersweet to say good-bye. I was glad I had had time with my brothers and sister. I didn't know when I would see them again. At the same time I felt okay about leaving. I had done what I came to do, and while the outcome was not what I wanted, I had done all I could do.

I was 250 miles from the hotel in central Pennsylvania, an easy trip all things considered. My friend was driving an hour from her home Saturday morning and would stay the night at the hotel. We would have a good old-fashioned sleepover. I hoped she remembered the wine.   

The Final Chapter

The book is almost closed on what needs to happen to settle my mom's affairs. Last week we accepted an offer on the sale of her trailer, which was not a given. My mom owned the trailer but not the property on which it sits; a neighbor wanted to buy it but the property owner refused to allow him to leave it where it sits, and the location is why he wanted to buy it for his mother-in-law. Yet after several attempts the property owner wouldn't give me a clear answer about what he wanted to do...until the day before the deadline when he texted an offer, which we accepted the same day. Next week my brother will transfer the title and the final chapter will be complete.

I made the two-day trip to West Virginia with two important pieces of advice in mind: Jacqueline's comment to accept that things had served my mother well and it was time to let them go; and Helen's advice to set up zones for keep/donate/throw and to touch things only once. I would not have been able to do the job in ten days without those things in mind.

I was not prepared for what I would find. My mother's trailer was exactly as she had left it and the large storage unit was almost full. The only thing to do was to begin, somewhere, anywhere. As I went through boxes, bins, closets, drawers and shelves, I set aside items for my brother to go through and things that I knew I wanted. I was able to sell the best pieces of furniture. I donated books, magazines, and puzzles to the nursing home and medical equipment to the Commission on Aging. I made one trip to a Goodwill store 40 miles away with a carload of electronics, dishes, utensils, pans, and blankets. My brother and sister-in-law each filled a vehicle, and I came home with a carload of items I will enjoy and use to share family history with my children and grandchildren. Everything else was discarded. As hard as it was, it was what had to happen. 

Ten days, 18 hours a day, and I was done. It was emotional and cathartic at the same time. I was able to stay present the entire time, which was essential for the tasks as hand. It was hot and humid so the afternoon thunderstorms were a welcome relief. I drank copious amounts of water. I talked to the neighbor's dog, Daisy, who made regular visits for pets and treats. I shared progress with family and my closest friend, whose encouragement and humor kept me going.

Through it all I felt my mom's energy and approval. I never doubted that we would find the help we needed or that we would finish the job at hand. I am grateful that I had the time and energy to do the work, and that my brother and I had time to work things through together. I think we did mom proud. 

Two Twenty Twenty-Two

 More two's to celebrate. It's the small things these days. My mom and I were talking today about how much has changed and keeps changing and how little we have any control over. The days run together unless we make sure they don't. 

So when there is something that makes me smile, I take note ~ interesting number combinations, the pattern of temperatures for the blanket I'm knitting, the image of Anne teaching her granddaughter to knit with chop sticks, and a new quilt pattern that challenges my thinking about perspective and directionality. 

My year-old grandson has started taking steps, and we all clap during our video chats. This week is February break for the grandchildren so we will see all of them over the next several days. The things they are learning and the stories they tell are amazing. They light up our days.

Today is number 713, just 17 days shy of two years of  living in a pandemic. Slowly I am making up for lost time by scheduling visits with grandchildren and doctors' appointments. My fingers are crossed that I will be able to travel out of New England this summer, to be determined as the weather gets warmer and if the rates of covid continue to decline. I have a friend in Pennsylvania that I need to lay eyes on and chat with for hours. I have family in Virginia and West Virginia that I need to visit and enjoy a laugh with. As so much has fallen away and ceased to be part of my daily life, weddings and births and celebrations of lives well lived have come to pass. It is as important as it is daunting to re-enter the world outside my corner of the woods. The more I go the easier it will be. It's only through doing that it will get done. 

Time's a-wastin and the journey continues ~ 

Boosted

I got my booster yesterday. I feel okay, which is a relief after the reaction I had after the 2nd shot of Moderna in April. The booster was Pfizer but whether or not that made a difference I don't know. I was planning to write this post last night but was so tired I went to bed earlier than usual. I took it fairly easy today and think tomorrow will be back to normal.

The last year and a half has been all about health, wellness, and prevention. There was no question we would get the COVID vaccine in the spring. We've kept up with dental cleanings. I have always been lukewarm about mammograms and was going to put it off yet again last winter, until my daughter-in-law shared that her mother's breast cancer was found early in a mammogram. I scheduled mine and was given the all clear. I know two quilters who are dealing with issues found on mammograms and send them both healing thoughts. They caught it early, and the outlook is positive.

We never know, do we? Last Saturday marked the 16th anniversary of the death of a dear friend. There are days I still miss her and wish I could call to catch up. Once in a while she shows up in my dreams, which I always welcome because she was always up for an adventure. 

I hope this finds all of you well and boosted, or planning to be ~

New Music Monday: Mercy Now

I decided to share music I discovered this summer because of the following song. A friend sent me a link to a song written and sung by Mary Gauthier. Someone had shared it with her and she thought I'd like it. I do. It could have been written for this exact moment, but the album, Mercy Now, was released in 2004. The entire CD is worth a listen. Mary Gauthier's earthy sound is blues meets country and puts me in mind of Lucinda Williams.

The title song from the album could speak to many situations. I think it is particularly pertinent now as our country suffers from almost four years of a greedy, power hungry, cruel administration that has slashed and burned down institutions with abandon and is the cause of suffering and death on a scale not seen in our country in modern history. 

My online dictionary defines mercy as "compassion or forgiveness shown toward someone whom it is within one's power to punish or harm."  

As the song says, I think every single one of us could use some mercy now.

YouTube link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IT7NiFpJmvI

Mercy Now

My father could use a little mercy now
The fruits of his labor fall and rot slowly on the ground
His work is almost over it won't be long, he won't be around
I love my father, he could use some mercy now

My brother could use a little mercy now
He's a stranger to freedom, he's shackled to his fear and his doubt
The pain that he lives in it's almost more than living will allow
I love my bother, he could use some mercy now

My church and my country could use a little mercy now
As they sink into a poisoned pit it's going to take forever to climb out
They carry the weight of the faithful who follow them down
I love my church and country, they could use some mercy now

Every living thing could use a little mercy now
Only the hand of grace can end the race towards another mushroom cloud
People in power, they'll do anything to keep their crown
I love life and life itself could use some mercy now

Yeah, we all could use a little mercy now
I know we don't deserve it but we need it anyhow
We hang in the balance dangle 'tween hell and hallowed ground
And every single one of us could use some mercy now
Every single one of us could use some mercy now
Every single one of us could use some mercy now

Saving Time

School ended three weeks ago Friday, and I have been soaking up the days like a sponge. Every day I wake up grateful to have the day to spend as I want.

The first week of my summer vacation I drove to Pittsburgh to see my sister, visiting from Scotland, and a good friend who drove over from eastern Pennsylvania for a visit.

The next week my husband and I met our son and his family at the airport in Boston. They had a lot of luggage as they are moving back to the east coast. Ken and I watched our grandchildren while our son and daughter-in-law started house hunting. We enjoyed two days together, including a July 4 cook-out with friends.

All the while I was aware that my friend Barbara was fighting for her life. In April 2017 she was diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia. Over the next 14 months she did everything a person can do to overcome cancer, and she did it with grace and humor and dignity. April this year she underwent a stem cell transplant, which often works when other treatments have failed. It appeared to be successful at first, and then at the end of June the cancer returned. There were complications from the stem cell transplant, and Barbara passed from this world a week ago. She touched so many lives and will be missed by so many that it's impossible to put into words the sadness that we feel.

That time is precious has been the theme this summer. It's not that I expect to live forever. It is that I want to appreciate the time I have. Today I found myself thinking about saving time. I stopped to ask what that means ~ to save time. Is that possible? I don't think it is. I think the answer is to appreciate the moments as they happen, to say yes, to stay present, and to be grateful.

I've turned to sewing to work through my questions and grief. Fabric therapy always helps. The first two projects use pink and yellow and orange ~

                                                                         "Sunrise"

                                                                          "Sunset"

There is a pink and green quilt top in the works. I want to get back to making clothes. There's time... as the journey continues.

How Do You Say Good-bye?

I sit here devastated at the news of the passing of a friend I never met in person. I got word from a friend via Facebook messenger this evening that a mutual blogging friend has died while neither of us knew she was ill. Apparently she kept the news private. Her name was Karin Bugge aka Altadena Hiker. Her writing was witty and smart and funny. She wrote about her dog Albert and the stray cat she started feeding and accidentally adopted. She painted her house and hiked in the hills and cared about community causes.

A year and a half ago I felt compelled to make Karin a set of cloth napkins. I had inherited several prints in a series called "Silent Cinema." Karin loved movies as much as I do and we traded posts about recommended favorites. I was working on another project with some of the prints and decided I wanted Karin to have some napkins because of the cinema connection. I made them up, emailed her for her address, and sent them off. She was delightfully surprised and sent the nicest note to thank me. I will always be glad I followed through with that impulse....

Last year Karin and I messaged back and forth about traveling across the country. She had mentioned she would like to visit Maine, and I wanted to make sure I was here if she planned a trip. I was headed to San Jose, which is several hours away from Altadena, and I couldn't see a way to connect with her on that trip. Then I considered traveling to that area in February but that didn't materialize. I looked forward to having a reason to travel to that part of California and getting a chance to meet her in person. I regret that we didn't get to talk face to face.

I never got a chance to say hello and I'm not sure how to say good-bye.

I turned to one of my favorite poets and found a poem that feels right for this moment. Karin cared about the world and loved animals and marveled at so many things around her. She artfully shared what she thought was important. She will be missed.

Long Afternoon at the Edge of Little Sister Pond
by Mary Oliver

As for life,
I'm humbled,
I'm without words
sufficient to say

how it has been hard as flint,
and soft as a spring pond,
both of these 
and over and over,

and long pale afternoons besides,
and so many mysteries
beautiful as eggs in a nest,
still unhatched

though warm and watched over
by something I have never seen -
a tree angel, perhaps,
or a ghost of holiness.

Every day I walk out into the world
to be dazzled, then to be reflective.

It suffices, it is all comfort -
along with human love,

dog love, water love, little-serpent love,
sunburst love, or love for that smallest of birds
flying among the scarlet flowers.
There is hardly time to think about

stopping, and lying down at last
to the long afterlife, to the tenderness
yet to come, when 
time will brim over the singular pond, and become forever,

and we will pretend to melt away into the leaves.
As for death,
I can't wait to be the hummingbird,
can you? 

July So Far

July started with the purchase of a 2015 GMC Sierra truck. I have driven it once, and it feels big. I will need to get used to driving a truck again because it has been many years. This is what it looks like in our driveway~

The next two nights we stayed in Bar Harbor, and the first morning the harbor was fogged in~

It cleared by late morning. That afternoon we drove to Northeast Harbor to visit Thuya Gardens, a unique place we discovered 31 years ago and have not been back to see since. It is quite the hike up a hill to the top~

From that same spot I looked back to see Northeast Harbor~

There was still a ways to go. We will stop at the lookout on our way down~

There is an enormous wooden gate at the entrance to the gardens~

And the place is as beautiful and peaceful as we remembered~

Many flowers had gone by, yet the beauty remained~

The peonies were still stunning~

From the lookout I could see the harbor flow into the ocean~

That weekend was a great way to start July. The next week I finished the top to my grandson's quilt~

The weather on the second Saturday in July was perfect for the outdoor concert with Langhorne Slim and The Law~

A friend is dealing with a bear of a health challenge. I decided she needs a quilt in turquoise and rose. I have finished the top~

So there are projects to work on in August, when I get back from a visit with my son and his family in California. My granddaughter turned 1 yesterday, and we have been invited to a party;)

Mid Summer

I checked the calendar today. We are at an important mid point, half of summer behind us and half still before us. Phew. Many people are talking about the waning days of this most pleasant season in Maine, and I really can't bear to think of it ending. I still have much to do before I launch into the next thing...more about that in a moment.

Ken and I have learned to plan our vacation earlier rather than later and took a road trip in mid July. We had so much fun in New York's wine country last summer that we returned this year, staying at the other end of Seneca Lake this time. We stayed three days instead of two and then drove to Pennsylvania to spend time with my dear friend of 40+ years. From food to trains to music it was an amazing trip. Here's a snapshot of our adventure~

The FLounge is a gift shop in Geneva, NY that serves sweet coffee drinks and delicious waffles

My grandson is enamored with trains so we made note of every one we saw

The Route 30 Diner in Lancaster, PA served all the best of home cooking

Verna's Fabrics was worth the drive to Mifflinburg, PA - that's Verna

Two happy Mainers on vacation with their friend from New Mexico

Food theme on steroids at Central Market in Lancaster, PA

Outside Central Market we were treated to a concert by students in a music camp

Before I left on vacation I worked diligently to rework my home filing system, take stock of all my sewing projects in various states of completion, review the contents and space in the house to seriously clear away the things someone else needs more than I do. I jumped back into my age-old job search with the knowledge that life would change drastically when I am successful....

I was and it will. More on that next post. In the meantime I know that I will always have time for sweet Maggie~

No News

There are instances where no news would not be good news, like when you're waiting to hear about a job interview or trying to buy a house.  I have been in both of those situations and waited with baited breath for news.

In my current time and space, no news is good news. On Tuesday I was scanned, measured, mashed, and relieved of two vials of blood, and I haven't heard a word.  That's good news because if there was a concern, I think I would have heard something by now.  The results should be shared with my doctor within a week, and her office will send me a copy.  I will put the paperwork in a file and out of my mind until someone suggests it's time to get something or other checked again.

That's the scenario I choose to focus on.

This morning Ken and I were treated to brunch with friends.  They invited us to their home, crafted a delicious meal, and then took us for a long walk on wooded trails that surround their neighborhood.  It was a crisp fall day and being outside was invigorating.  I don't get that same feeling alone on the treadmill. It was engaging to walk and talk about families and books and ideas.  A thread that ran through all the topics was how fortunate we are to have good health, independent children, and opportunities to do the things we enjoy.

I had a rough day at work yesterday and there are no indications that things will get easier any time soon.  I got caught up in that and ended the day angry and frustrated. Then I got upset with myself for letting the situation get the best of me.  

Today with friends turned that thinking around.

Monday I have a paper due for my class.  That will keep me busy tomorrow, and while I work I will hold onto the feelings from today.

The journey continues ~

By Feet And Inches

As promised it snowed on Groundhog Day - more than a foot.  That made for snow day #4 with a late start for schools the next day in hopes that roads could be cleared and people would be able to get out.  For the most part it worked and we had a clear day that Wednesday.  Snow throughout the day on Thursday delivered another five inches and made for the most treacherous roads so far this winter, but with no time off everyone made the best of it and left plenty of time to travel.  We had two days to shovel out before snow arrived again this past Sunday morning and continued right through Monday evening, topping off with another fresh six inches.

For those of you keeping count, in central Maine we have had over five feet of snow since January 1.

Ken cleared away a few inches Sunday evening before he headed out of town for the week.  He called yesterday and offered to come home but I said I would be okay.  I took a personal day today and had a lot to do, but I decided if I had trouble I would figure something out.  As it was I got out of the driveway alright but got stuck trying to make it back up the hill.  Somehow I managed to back down [after a lot of back and forth] and went about shoveling my tire tracks and putting down sand.  It worked!  I made it into the garage.  I will make it out in the morning and not worry about the trip back up the hill until I get home.

Aside from the weather, this year got off to a tough start.  It really has been a day-to-day slog.  There have been few bright spots.

Luckily, the last few days have seen a bit of an upturn.  Friday evening Ken prepared a lovely meal and our daughter joined us for a relaxed visit.  A friend took me to the movies on Saturday.  My mom sent me chocolates and last evening I had a nice chat with her on the phone.

Today I considered going shopping and getting my hair cut short.  I did neither.  Instead I turned in the paperwork necessary to refinance the house [further cutting our interest rate so that it is now almost half of what it was when we bought the house in 2007] and changed long distance companies [someone from some department at CREDO finally called me about the email and letter I sent to say how thoroughly dissatisfied I was with their customer service; she not once apologized or offered any form of compensation but said over and over how this sort of thing never happens; well it happened to me and not only do I feel better now but I will save over 50% on my long distance bill by changing companies].

Today was productive and uplifting as well.  I received the perfect cards from my two oldest friends, both across the country and valued beyond words for their friendship.  I received a bonus phone call from my friend in New Mexico, who sees right into my heart and says exactly the right thing.  Then my sister surprised me with a phone call from Scotland.  The day topped off with phone calls from my son in Boston and Ken in New Hampshire.

Happy Birthday to me.  I am going to count today as a fresh start to the year.

I Was Wrong

It has been four weeks since I last wrote and things have gone downhill in every area.

The cell phone problem was never resolved.  Two weeks ago I emailed the co-founders, the CFO, and the VP of Marketing, and I have received no response.  I have composed a letter that I will snail mail to each of them.  My next step is formal complaints with the FCC and Better Business Bureau.  I will never again recommend Working Assets or CREDO to anyone.

At work I am out-talked, talked over, and corrected when I am not wrong.  I have asked to split my duties so I am outside for recess duty for 22 minutes and inside for cafeteria duty for 22 minutes, but nothing has changed and there is no sign that anything will.  The saving grace is the kids, but I need to get back into my own classroom.

The deck is finished.  The railings are finished.  They look good.  Enough said.

This coming weekend I will see my west coast family.  My son, his wife, and my grandson are coming east for a wedding.  I am driving to Boston to babysit and for what I thought would be a relaxing weekend to visit with family.  It has turned into a whirlwind of here, there, and the other place that makes me faint to even think about. It is hard to be an introvert when extroverts are making the plans.  So I will see my grandson for 24 hours and come home.

On Sunday someone said things to me that were disrespectful and inexcusable.  That person knows I will not call them out here because I do not want you to think less of them.  Later, when I tried to talk to them, I was told to leave them alone.  They never said another word.  Okay.  Done.  My life moves on.

I am sad.  

Two nights ago I had a dream about a friend who died nine years ago this month.  It was the night before the anniversary of her funeral, and it was so real that I could hear her laugh.  I miss her as much as I ever did and need her as much as I ever have.

I didn't expect to be gone from here for four weeks.  I thought that things would have to get better....

Threads Of Memory

When babies were born and families were young, threads of a friendship started more than three decades ago~

A braided rug was handed down from one friend to another~

As children grew and families changed, the threads grew worn~

Now repaired and good as new, the braided threads of memory will soon warm my daughter's new home~

Lean Toward The Sun

Late last fall my friend Ruby gave me a dozen tulip bulbs.  They were a gift to her.  She wasn't sure she would still be in her cottage in the spring to see them bloom, so she gave them to me.  By then it was cold and the ground was partially frozen, but I had one barrel that still had diggable dirt, so I planted the bulbs there~

It has been pleasing to watch these tulips unfold.  In the rain this week the blooms closed up~

The next day they opened full in the sunshine~

Beautiful inside and out, they lean toward the sun~

Several weeks ago my daughter and I talked about how it's easy to write before and after big life events happen.  The anticipation and planning are fun to document.  I enjoy looking back and reflecting on what transpired and what I've learned.  We agreed that it's when you are in the middle of transformation that it's hard to write to share.

As I have written before, I am working to break old habits and patterns, and that includes not sharing the same things over and over again.  The internal work is grueling.  What's different this time is that I have made room for emotions to come to the surface to be felt and worked through.  Finally.  It has helped to read journal entries and posts here from three and four years ago.  I will not go backward.  This time I have enough momentum to propel myself out of the cycle and into a new space.  I don't know where I will wind up.

Wherever it is I plan to lean toward the sun....

An Issue Of Our Time

Almost twenty years after the fact I remember hearing the news about the accident.  I taught in the school district but didn't live there, so I didn't know the high school student who crashed his car and lost his life.  My co-workers couldn't understand how this happened - the student wasn't drinking; there were no cell phones in those days; there was no other vehicle involved; and he was alone in the car.  What caused him to lose control and crash into a tree? The police investigation revealed that he was distracted when he reached for a CD.  It wasn't called "distracted driving" then, but that was the first time I heard of a concrete example that being distracted while you are driving can cost you your life.

My friend in New Mexico knows more about distracted driving than she ever wanted to learn.  Her friend died last year after he was hit by a distracted driver.  In response to the tragedy she has researched the issue, written letters, contacted legislators, and worked on legislation for the state of New Mexico.  Laws are changing there and elsewhere around the country.  Education is an important aspect of the campaign to stop distracted driving, which includes texting but is a wider problem than that.

I am one of those people who needs to be totally focused on my driving.  It sounds funny but I involuntarily cringe when an actor on screen takes their eyes off the road while they're driving.  I don't know that I personally know people who drive distracted.  I know for sure that I've seen distracted drivers on the road and do my best to steer clear when they cross the center line or drift onto the shoulder.  I live in a state that hasn't outlawed cell phone use while driving, though legislation is in the works.

It matters that we raise people's awareness about this issue.  There are statistics that indicate it's time to sound the alarm, and there is a new documentary on the subject.  This is a link to the trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TxyjJyf7gGM. 

The brief description of the program is this:

Produced by Emmy © Award winning Christopher Productions LLC, this program highlights the most recent brain research involving cell phone use, DWI, and other causes of car crashes and helps us understand why distracted driving crashes are rising at an alarming rate, especially for young people.

I have not seen the full program or heard how the documentary will be available.  When I have more information I will share it here.

Make That A Table For Four

With March Madness over, our attention has turned to the National Hockey League play-offs.  The first round for the Boston Bruins looked to be a tough one with the Detroit Red Wings, who won three of the four games they played Boston during the regular season.

Ken and I are not obsessed with hockey.  Once in a while we catch a game during the regular season.  However, we do enjoy the post season, when the best hockey is played.

Last night was Game 4 and we'd made plans for a late dinner at our favorite pub to watch the game.  The Bruins have brought their A-game in each of the three previous meetings and were up two games to one.

We were seated at the best table in the house, near a window on the Androscoggin River~

Which is just below the biggest television screen in the place~

There was a lot on the line for both teams.  Detroit won the first game played in the Boston, but then lost in Boston and Detroit.  Game 5 moves back to Boston, and Detroit would do well to head back to Bean Town even with the Bruins.  The first period ended with Detroit up 1-0.  By the start of the second period Ken and I had finished dinner and were enjoying our first cups of coffee...

when we were joined by another couple about our age.  There were plenty of empty tables and room at the bar, but when they approached our table and asked if they could watch the game we said sure.  After all, we did have the best table in front of the biggest screen.

They introduced themselves and it didn't take long for us to enjoy snippets of conversation during the commercials.  Their home base is in Cleveland and they have grown children scattered throughout the Northeast in places we know well.  We learned we have similar interests in music and theater.  My ears picked up when the mentioned they play pinochle, which Ken and I also enjoy; not only do they play but she organized a "club" where four couples get together four times a year for a potluck supper and mixed couples' pinochle.  I love that idea.

We enjoyed watching hockey and chatting and all cheered when the Bruins won in overtime.  I said maybe we'd run into them again if they were in the area, and he gave us his card with a phone number and email address.

Ken and I couldn't get over all the things we had in common and how easy it was to talk with people we'd just met.  I miss doing things with other couples.  I don't know why it's so hard to make plans, but people's lives are busy with work and other commitments.  Many of our friends have grown children, with their own children, who live in the area and they understandably want to spend time together.  Last night reminded me how good it feels to spend time with a couple that shares similar interests.

I have been wondering what Ken and I can do to make new friends.

The universe sent us a couple from Cleveland who like hockey and play pinochle.

Well, I have their email address.  When they visit Maine they stay in Freeport, where LLBean sponsors free Saturday night concerts all summer.  Once the schedule comes out, I think I will send an email and offer to save them a seat.  It seems like that's the least I can do ~

Change Of Place

Today I took my friend Ruby to our traditional "spring is here" lunch at Fat Boy's, a local institution where the special is a BLT made with Canadian bacon.  The sun appeared this morning, after 36 hours of snow, sleet, freezing rain, and rain.  I didn't want to tempt fate, but I thought we needed to do our part to encourage the onset of spring.

My timing was good.  Ruby said she'd love to go to lunch.

The phone rang after I called to issue the invitation.  It was Ruby calling me back.  She needs help to finish getting settled into her new place.

In late January Ruby found another place to live.  She started looking last fall when her daughter broke the news that she was listing for sale the property they shared.  Three weeks into the new year a friend in town offered to rent Ruby the in-law apartment on the back of her house, which is just a quarter of a mile down the road from Ruby's cottage.  It was the best case scenario because Ruby was going to have to move eventually.  The new place has privacy, plenty of room for Ruby and her dog, and lots of outdoor space with fields and woods.

Ruby barely had time to digest the reality of her move when she learned that her daughter had received an offer to buy the property, including the house and cottage, where Ruby has lived for the last fifty years.  Initially the new owners-to-be said that Ruby did not need to rush to move. 

Mid-February things changed.  Ruby got a call that she needed to be out of the cottage by March 16.  I visited with her before I left for California and offered to help her start packing.  Ruby had been paring down her possessions since last fall, but she was not yet ready to put her things in boxes. 

By the time I returned home Ruby was moved into her new place.  She says she is lucky to be where she is, but the transition has been chaotic.  It's hard enough to move when it's your own idea and you do things on your own schedule.  When you are 81 years old and forced to leave your chosen home, where you planned to live forever, it is emotionally and physically taxing.  Ruby is exhausted.

Her family and friends have been helpful with the move.  Every time I have been to visit I have asked what I can do to help, and she asks me to take the dog out or she wants to sit and visit.  When she called me back this morning I was ready to do whatever I could to help allay some of the chaos Ruby is feeling.

I arrived at her place ready to organize and put things in order.

Despite her phone call, Ruby didn't want my help with the apartment.  She asked me to take the dog out, and then she laid out plans for what we could do on our outing.  On our way to lunch we stopped to see her daughter's apartment, and after lunch we stopped to buy dog food.  Back at her place we took the dog for a walk and sat at the picnic table soaking in the sunshine.

Ruby thoroughly enjoyed lunch.  She repeatedly commented on the beautiful day and the warmth of the sun.  She said that things will eventually get settled at the apartment, that today she was too tired to do any more.  I needed to honor that, as much as I wanted to do more.  So much has been out of her control that it's important for me to help in ways that she feels will help her the most.

The most I can do is be her friend.     

Transition Happens

I paid a visit to Ruby today.  There have been several showings of the property that includes her cottage.  She has made peace with uncertainty - she may continue to live in her home into next year, or she may be asked to move at any time if the property sells.  Ruby is feeling healthy and strong, taking life day by day.  She is taking time to assess her belongings, deciding what to keep and what she can part with.  The main reason for my visit today was to take photos of a paper mache manger scene she made years ago and is now prepared to give away.  I was pleased she asked me and tickled to see the detail of the characters she created with her own hands ~

Isn't that great?  I will have the photos printed for her.  She says photos will take up less space than the actual scene.

It's not easy for me to think of Ruby living someplace else.  She loves her cottage, deck, garden area, and surrounding property where she walks her dog Kelly.  Today she raised a topic I have been able to avoid until now ~ she wants me to consider if I would take Kelly to live with me if for some reason the dog cannot continue to live with Ruby.  I sidestepped the issue and said that I would certainly work with her family to make sure Kelly was well taken care of.  Ruby said not to give her an answer right now.

I love Ruby and would do anything that I can to help her...but I don't want to be a dog owner.  Kelly is a sweetheart - I will have to take photos of her next time I visit.  Today she repeatedly sat at my feet and gave me her paw, almost like she knew what Ruby was saying.

Ruby has seen her doctors regularly since she was hospitalized this summer, and the latest reports on her health are excellent.  There is no reason to believe that Kelly will need to live elsewhere because Ruby has been clear that she will not move to a place where Kelly is not welcome.  Life happens, situations evolve, and over time minds can change.  Ruby and I are always completely honest with each other, so I do not want to give her the impression that I could take Kelly under any circumstances.  I am sure the topic will come up again.

Ruby is a brave lady.  She is willing to look at the changes in her life straight on.  I admire that.  In some ways she is handling the potential changes better than I am.  That's a subject for another day....

Holding It In

I have been holding my stomach in for 25 years.  

In my lifetime I have felt the best physically when I was pregnant or breastfeeding.  My body knew how to be pregnant.  Breastfeeding came as naturally, with the bonus of knocking off any gained "baby" weight lickity split.  I moved from regular clothes into maternity clothes, and then I went right back into regular clothes.  I have never taken that for granted.

Being able to maintain my weight has been the one bright spot in being me.  I am an average woman ~ height, size, build, looks.  There is nothing remarkable about me.  My dark hair used to set me apart, but that didn't come without its drawbacks, as in dark hair all over my body.  As a girl I wore knee socks with shorts, until I became a teenager and begged my mom to let me shave my legs.  I learned to pluck eyebrows at an early age - the unibrow had to go.  By my mid 30's my dark hair was streaked with gray so that one distinction came to an end.

I had my youngest son when I was 31, almost 32.  He weaned himself when he was not quite a year old.  I had heard stories about how women's figures started to spread in their 30's.  I was determined that would not be me.  It was at 32 that I made it a practice to hold my stomach in.  It became second nature so I haven't thought about it in many years.

I have always been active.  I don't sit for hours at a time, as I get up periodically, and I never pass up an opportunity to run up or down the stairs at home or anywhere.  I am a walker.  I'm also lucky that I have a metabolism that works well.  Or at least it did until menopause.

For eight years what I eat has mattered.  That I stay active has been necessary.  I have gained a few pounds but not so anyone else would notice.  My clothes still fit.  When pants get the least bit tight I back off the carbs and sweets, and until this year that has always been enough.  This year it has been tougher to stay on top of keeping my shape.  Part of it has been the accumulated years of changes in hormones, and part of it has been that when I feel down I crave sweets and carbs and a bit of wine at dinner sure does help....

This situation was part of the reason I returned to acupuncture treatments.  I know when my system is out of whack, and I am there now.  My next appointment is this Friday.

The other thing that has happened is that massage therapy has been working muscles deeper and deeper.  Ten days ago the target areas were my thighs, lower back, and hips.  Any changes in one area affect other areas, throughout the whole body really.  Last week my legs were sore, and all the driving didn't help.  The leg muscles are connected to the abdominal muscles....

This weekend I noticed how sore my abdomen was.  In the middle of the night last night I envisioned all kinds of mysterious things that might be wrong as I tried to get back to sleep.  I just had a physical and no red flags were raised, but that's a hard argument to make at 3 a.m. when your body can't get comfortable.  I had friends coming today for coffee so I had to get up and moving or I might have stayed in bed once I found an accommodating position.

My visitors today were the "Crafty Ladies," so  named because we get together every couple months to visit and work on our projects, knitting or embroidery or sewing.  We all live in Bowdoinham and met today at my house, the first time all five of us have been together for months.  The other four women are well into their 70's, still active and interesting and fun to spend time with. 

When everyone left I breathed out a sigh and realized I was feeling a bit better.  My chest has been tight for weeks but feels better when my focus is elsewhere and when I remember to breathe.  Apparently I had been breathing all day.  Then, for some reason I can't explain, I relaxed every muscle in my body, even my stomach muscles.

An amazing thing happened ~ my ribs opened and relaxed and my abdomen didn't feel sore.  I have been holding my stomach in for so long that I forgot what it felt like to relax those muscles.  I tried not to think about how I looked, stomach relaxed, but to focus on how I felt.  All evening I went back and forth - holding in and relaxing - and the relief from discomfort still surprises me.

It might have been laughing with friends, or being in the company of older women who are comfortable with who they are, or being tired of feeling sore ~ whatever it was that caused me to do it I am glad I was able to let go.

I think my body is tired of holding it in ~ 

Ruby's Cottage

My friend Ruby lives in a cozy cottage.  It is a converted garage, set up like a studio apartment.  She has a kitchen, bathroom, and living/bedroom/dining area that's comfortably heated with a wood stove.  She has a two-year supply of wood cut and stacked on her side deck.  Her front deck is for sitting a spell.  The back deck is her dog's domain, fenced in and safe for a dog who jumps several feet in the air when she's ready to come inside. 

Ruby shares eight acres with her daughter, who now lives in the farmhouse where the family of three children grew up.  Ruby and her dog Kelly have their independence and lots of outdoor space for walks, gardening, and soaking up the sunshine.

Ruby owns her home and has no debt.  She's very proud of that fact.  She had planned to always live in her cozy cottage.

The plan has changed.  Ruby's daughter is selling the farmhouse.  Ruby has every legal right to maintain her cottage and surrounding property per the agreement drawn up when she sold the farmhouse to her daughter; and in the beginning she was going to stay put.

Then the realtor explained that it would be difficult to sell the larger house with an independently owned cottage just across the driveway.  Upon consultation with her daughter, Ruby has decided to allow her cottage to be part of the total sale.

A future that was secure is now uncertain.

Ruby has no idea where she and Kelly will go.

Since I heard the news I have had several conversations with Ruby about what comes next.  Her cottage is a refuge for me, where we have had many long talks about life and living.  She gets out her 4-cup coffeemaker to brew the coffee she keeps for when I come to visit.  We share news of our families and tell each other our deepest joys and concerns.

At the end of our visit yesterday we said to each other that things will work out.

I pray that's true.