It has been four weeks since I last wrote and things have gone downhill in every area.
The cell phone problem was never resolved. Two weeks ago I emailed the co-founders, the CFO, and the VP of Marketing, and I have received no response. I have composed a letter that I will snail mail to each of them. My next step is formal complaints with the FCC and Better Business Bureau. I will never again recommend Working Assets or CREDO to anyone.
At work I am out-talked, talked over, and corrected when I am not wrong. I have asked to split my duties so I am outside for recess duty for 22 minutes and inside for cafeteria duty for 22 minutes, but nothing has changed and there is no sign that anything will. The saving grace is the kids, but I need to get back into my own classroom.
The deck is finished. The railings are finished. They look good. Enough said.
This coming weekend I will see my west coast family. My son, his wife, and my grandson are coming east for a wedding. I am driving to Boston to babysit and for what I thought would be a relaxing weekend to visit with family. It has turned into a whirlwind of here, there, and the other place that makes me faint to even think about. It is hard to be an introvert when extroverts are making the plans. So I will see my grandson for 24 hours and come home.
On Sunday someone said things to me that were disrespectful and inexcusable. That person knows I will not call them out here because I do not want you to think less of them. Later, when I tried to talk to them, I was told to leave them alone. They never said another word. Okay. Done. My life moves on.
I am sad.
Two nights ago I had a dream about a friend who died nine years ago this month. It was the night before the anniversary of her funeral, and it was so real that I could hear her laugh. I miss her as much as I ever did and need her as much as I ever have.
I didn't expect to be gone from here for four weeks. I thought that things would have to get better....
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14 comments:
Oh sweetie, there is so much sadness in your post. When things go so far downhill, they have to finally reach bottom, and climb back up to a good level some time.
I hope that time comes soon.
And I so wish that your friend had been able to be there in person to comfort you.
Sending the biggest internet hug that I can.
Jen
I feel your pain through your words. I wish that I had the words to help. I can only say...things have to get better for you. Sometimes life is so hard....but we find ways to deal with it.
Wishing you some joy today,
Balisha
"Hold on to what is good,
Even if it's a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe,
Even if it's a tree that stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do,
Even if it's a long way from here.
Hold on to your life,
Even if it's easier to let go.
Hold on to my hand,
Even if someday I'll be gone away from you."
- Pueblo Prayer
Perhaps your friend came to you to remind you to laugh every day. Especially when you don't feel like laughing. She watches over you and continues to hold your hand.
Hold on my friend.
I'm so sorry to hear that you're struggling. That said, I hear a lot of strength and courage in your words. You're choosing to shorten your visit to Boston instead of going along with someone else's idea of what constitutes a good time. You're walking away from someone who was disrespectful, rather than allowing that person to use up any of your energy or draw you into drama. You're using your voice at work. Even though you may not feel you're being heard, you're still speaking up for what you want.
Things don't have to be rosy for you to write a post. We like to hear from you, regardless. Life is messy. We've got your back.
Love you,
Carolynn
Oh Sharon, I'm so sorry that you feel betrayed by a friend, bested by technology, and burdened with extrovert activities when you wanted and needed some relaxing introvert time. I read the other comments and I believe, as another said, that your dream was a positive sign. Work--oh that sounds just awful. It is something I have had to deal with my entire career, that subtle (and sometimes NOT so subtle) put down or made to feel "less than" when you know you are just as good as or better. People who do that are insecure themselves and only feel good when they can make somebody else feel small. I've ha one particular ongoing situation for years. This person actually just said to me recently, when I was the only person in the office, "Oh, yes, I'm a new grandparent. Now I need to find someone full time to tell about it." And they left. I'm a new grandparent too, but I didn't have a chance to mention it...still, I'd rather be me than that person, for so many reasons, one being that I am kinder. And so are you. Kindness of the sort you have is under-rated in our world. Stay kind and the universe will shine again soon. {{hugs}}
"It helps to be reminded that I am not alone in any of it, that life goes on, and tomorrow is another day."
I'm quoting you to you, because you've been a source of strength and reassurance. We, the tender-hearted, understand you completely and wish your burden was lighter.
I second everything everyone has said above.
Big hugs to you!
Sad and frustrating. I'm glad your friend visited your dream. People don't ever really leave us, do they.
sharon, I'm sorry you are struggling with so many disappointments, challenges and sadness… I send you love always always always.
re the phone...capitalism rules in this country and the only thing that counts is how much money you are making. they have no time or desire to deal with problems, cuts into their profit. re the job...maybe next time someone tries to talk over you say loudly, "I'm still talking". good that you are not succumbing to the whirlwind plans. 24 hours with your grandson will be better than longer doing things you don't want to do. and about the friend...I know how terrible that feels. been there. it's hurtful when someone you considered a friend turns on you with no warning and then walks away. what you need to understand is that if that person can walk away so easily then perhaps they weren't really a friend at all. best to let go. as was told to me when I was devastated by a similar action was that not everyone comes in your life to be a friend forever and sometimes someone you think is a friend, really isn't. that was hard for me, to think that I was so stupid to believe and so sucker punched. but, you, my dear, definitely have it all over this person by taking the high road.
Sharon, I'm so sad to find you feeling sad. But as others have said so much better than I; you are strong, you are resourceful, you have found your voice and this too shall pass. I believe your friend came to you in your dreams because you needed to hear her laugh to help lift you from your sorrows. Laugh with her my friend, misery cannot survive when it hears that golden sound. Sending big {hugs} to you, Deb
I cry as I read your post.
I admire you and you are stronger
then you realize.
Can relate to much you share.
Sending you peace and love
from my rural cottage by the woods.
Oh, Sharon, your post hit me right between the eyes! I so hope that brightness has now begun to shine through around the edges of the various painful issues. I'd begun to sink down with a few issues in my life, too, and all of a sudden yesterday, the light appeared again and things are better. The change began when I just decided to smile, despite it all. I'd gotten a glimpse of my stony "down"face and said enough is enough. Not sure it will work, but it is OK so far.
I really love that you had that beautiful dream about your freind and were able to hear her laugh.....I think she is sending you her love and commiseration, as well as the comfort of her memory and laughter.
Thinking of you and I do empathize with the unhappiness about the change in your job duties and will picture you being back in a full classroom soon!
Marcia
So very sorry to hear this Sharon, though you know I can relate having gone through a "patch" myself. And patches they are. I't just when we're in them we find them eternal in scope and depth.
Hang in kiddo. It will pass. That's the only certainty.
XO
WWW
Despite my life's look on FB- I have made only four or five blog posts this year. It has taken every ounce of my -- I am not sure what to believe I can write again. I am always amazed how you have persevered. I am glad you were able to see your grand baby. I am sorry work and people have been ugly. Carolynn words were best. xxoxoxo ((*)) Teri
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