Course Correction

I keep a stack of books by my bed and usually have three or four books going at any one time.  If I really get into a book I will read some each night until it's finished.  Other books can take weeks or months to read, a little bit at a time.

One such book is Rachel Naomi Remen's My Grandfather's Blessings (2000).  I liked it when I read it several years ago, so when I saw a copy at a used bookstore I picked it up.  Rachel is a doctor.  The subtitle of the book accurately reads "Stories of Strength, Refuge, and Belonging."  I will often read just a few pages at a time and take a day or two to think about the story she tells.

The chapter I read last night is titled "Friction In The System."  Rachel relays a story she heard about how computers on the Concorde were programmed to keep the plane on course, constantly making corrections so the plane arrived at the right destination at exactly the time it was expected.  Rachel wonders what might happen if humans stopped wanting to be right all the time.  She writes, "Might it be possible to focus ourselves on the purpose we wish to serve....Once we stopped demanding of ourselves that we be on course all the time, we might begin to look at our mistakes differently, giving them an impeccable attention and a frictionless response.  They will not prevent us from reaching our dreams nearly so much as wanting to be right will" (p.366).

If I had read this story two weeks ago I might have missed the message.  Last night this story felt like an affirmation.  I have been very quiet, alone for days at a time while Ken works out of town, and feeling at ease with myself and what I've chosen to do around the house.  I think now that I have been coming to terms with a major course correction.  I really just want to be comfortable in my skin, content with wherever I am and whatever I am doing.

Rachel concludes that, "Serving anything worthwhile is a commitment to a direction over time and may require us to relinquish many moment-to-moment attachments, to let go of pride, approval, recognition, or even success.  This is true whether we be parents, researchers, educators, artists, or heads of state.  Serving life may require faithfulness to purpose that lasts over a lifetime.  It is less a work of the ego than a choice of the soul" (p.367).

The journey continues....