What I Have Learned So Far

I have put Christmas away.  I have cleaned the house from top to bottom.  For the first time in almost a year I feel that I have a handle on the clutter.  On Tuesday I cleared the desk completely and set about polishing the wood to a rich luster.  I put back only what absolutely has to live on the surface and have promised myself that I will stay on top of the papers and miscellaneous items that seem to collect with no effort at all on my part.

I have made the commitment to walk a mile on the treadmill every day that I am home.  Some days this means I climb on for ten minutes, stop to put in a load of laundry, climb back on for ten minutes, stop to hang up laundry, and so on until I have walked a mile.  I haven't put a time limit on how long it takes me, just that I will walk the distance.

I have been busy taking care of business.

This week our water was tested for the third time in as many months.  There is a blue-green residue that collects in the sinks and tub/shower in two of our bathrooms.  Two years ago I mentioned it to the technician who came to check our system, the one we put in because of the iron content and issues with sediment when the house was new.  The numbers all checked out in the lab so we were told all was well.  The issue has persisted, so when the numbers came back "okay" in October I set about doing my own research.  I found articles that talked about "low pH" and "stripping copper from pipes" and "plumbing that fails."  I called to talk about the research I'd done and learned that they hadn't tested the pH in October, so someone came to do that.  I had to call again when I got the report, without the pH numbers listed, to learn that the numbers were on the low end of acceptable.  I grilled the person on the other end of the phone about what that meant and what the problem could be and what could be done to correct the problem once they identified it.  He volunteered to come himself to test for copper, which would be coming from the pipes and fittings because water with a low pH interacts with copper.  And yes, there are traces of copper in our water, not in alarming amounts but enough that over time our pipes will be affected.  So our system needs to be adapted to raise the pH level.

The days fill up with multiple-step chores and errands like that.  Gifts returned and packages sent via FedEx, UPS, and the postal service.  The DVD player that Ken bought needs to be seen to because it whirs and makes noises that a new DVD player should not make.  Last May we were sold a bed that has a factory flaw that I didn't find until I was polishing furniture this week, so I have contacted the store and hope that the company will resolve the problem with a new footboard.

I stay in bed in the mornings until I absolutely have to get up because once my feet hit the floor there are endless things to attend to, some of my own making and some the daily business of living and some that just cannot be ignored.

All the while time is passing and the possibility of finding my dream job is slipping away.  Just before the holidays I got another rejection email.  So I think that that's okay because family is coming and there are things that need my attention.  There is always something that needs to be done or some project to finish or some problem to solve.  There always will be.

So I keep moving, even if it feels like I'm going in circles or merely stepping in place.

Nothing will change until I take action.  The first days of this new year I have taken a long hard look at where I am and what my options are.  I want to work.  I can't get a job.  My options are few.

Today I called the district where I worked as a long-term sub last spring to see if my paperwork is still on file; it is and with one phone call it can be activated so I can be called on an as-needed basis.  I think I have figured out how to file paperwork online for another district that also needs substitute teachers.

This is the very last thing I want to do.  The hardest job in any school is that of a substitute teacher, but this is work that is available.  I cannot go into this thinking it might lead to something more because chances are just  as good that it won't.  It is what it is.  Nothing else has panned out.  No other opportunity has presented itself in five years.  That's long enough.

If the lesson was humility, I have learned it.

It occurred to me this week that I need to do what I can do.  If no one wants what I have to offer, I can go where they will take whoever shows up.  I can show up.  I can do a good job wherever I am and under whatever circumstances.  If this is all there is, then this is it.  If every door has closed but this one, then this is the door I will walk through.  I needed time to come around to this, and now that I have I can make it work.

This evening I pulled Mary Oliver's New and Selected Poems, Volume Two (2005) off the shelf.  Occasionally I crack open one of her books to a random page, and the perfect poem is there.  Tonight was no exception ~

What I Have Learned So Far 

Meditation is old and honorable, so why should I
not sit, every morning of my life, on the hillside,
looking into the shining world?  Because, properly
attended to, delight, as well as havoc, is suggestion.
Can one be passionate about the just, the ideal,
the sublime, and the holy, and yet commit to no
labor in its cause?  I don't think so.

All summations have a beginning, all effect has a
story, all kindness begins with the sown seed.
Thought buds toward radiance.  The gospel of
light is the crossroads of - indolence, or action.

Be ignited, or be gone.