New Music Monday: Keeping Faith

Last month I happened upon the show Keeping Faith on Amazon Prime Video. The tagline reads:

Award-winning actress Eve Myles (Torchwood) stars in this BBC thriller as Faith Howells, a lawyer with a happy marriage until her husband suddenly disappears. As Faith becomes the police's prime suspect, her search for the truth leads her to the criminal underbelly of her quiet town.

It sounded promising and the two seasons were free for the month, so I started watching. I was hooked before the first episode was finished, on the show and the soundtrack. The story draws the viewer in, revealing the backstory bit by bit as the present-day drama moves the story forward. The acting is excellent; the plot is captivating and complicated. And the soundtrack is the perfect backdrop, beautiful and haunting. I enjoyed the music so much sometimes I would replay the intro to hear Faith's Song a second time before an episode started.

I would have watched the two seasons again but opted not to pay for Acorn TV at the time, though I am thinking it would be worth $5.99 a month this winter. There are several other worthy offerings on Acorn that I would enjoy.

In the meantime I managed to find the Keeping Faith soundtrack on CD, available from the UK. The singer/songwriter is Amy Wadge, who wrote, performed, and produced all the songs. It's a CD that I enjoy from beginning to end and then listen to again. She is amazing, and I have since ordered her self-named 2016 album that includes the Grammy-award winning song Thinking Out Loud.

I am going to share the lyrics to Faith's Song, since her character is the star of the series. Each song tells part of the story and is worth a listen in its own right. 

Faith's Song

Gave you all that you needed
You cut but I'm bleeding
And all of my strength that I gave to you

I loved completely
You lose then you leave me
And all of my hope
I left with you too

But I gave my heart whole I did
I gave my heart
And although it's lost
It is still beating
And I gave my whole soul I did
I gave my soul
And although I'm broken
I am still breathing

I will sleep through the moments
All the moments you've stolen
All for my love
I'll learn the truth

That I gave my heart whole I did
I gave my heart
And although it's lost
It is still beating
And I gave my whole soul I did
I gave my soul
And although I'm broken
I am still breathing

A Big Day

Today is my mom's birthday. She won't mind if I tell you she is 85 because people say she looks younger. She lives alone, still drives, and worked until just a couple years ago as a part-time courier for the local hospital.  

Mom lives in a town of under a thousand people on the side of a mountain in eastern West Virginia. She moved there almost twenty years ago when she married her second husband. He had a place and she was ready to leave the big city. I grew up just outside Washington, D.C., and as much as Mom loves the city it was getting more congested and harder to navigate every year. 

It's hard to get to West Virginia from Maine, a 15-hour car ride or a 3-hour drive from an airport in either direction. My sons and I drove down for her 2003 wedding, and Ken and I have made the trip a couple times since then. We had planned to make the trip this summer and maybe meet up with other family to celebrate her 85th birthday early, but the universe had other ideas.

So my sister, who lives in Scotland, messaged me a couple weeks ago about planning a surprise Zoom call for Mom's birthday. I thought that was a great idea, especially since my sister knew how to set it up. Several of us had talked to her this past week and no one spilled the beans. My sister had even set up a practice Zoom call with her under the guise of wanting to do a special one-on-one call with her today. So to see almost a dozen frames on the screen this afternoon was a real surprise for Mom and a real pleasure for all of us. My grandkids sang happy birthday and asked what kind of cake she had; the answer wasn't cake but vanilla bean ice cream. Mailing addresses were shared. We talked about "getting together" again after my next grandchild has arrived. 

It was a real celebration to share time with family, some of whom I haven't seen for many years. My brother and his sons and daughter zoomed in, as did my uncle and cousin. It was nice to visit in a way that wouldn't have worked if we had all tried to be in the same physical place at the same time. As much as we've all lost this year, it's good to recognize that we've made a few things work better than before.

I know I'm lucky to be able to visit with my mom. I don't take that for granted. Every time we talk we pick up where we left off, no matter how long it's been since we last connected. I am grateful for the time we have to share.

Happy Birthday Mom. 

Love, Your Daughter  

New Music Monday: Mercy Now

I decided to share music I discovered this summer because of the following song. A friend sent me a link to a song written and sung by Mary Gauthier. Someone had shared it with her and she thought I'd like it. I do. It could have been written for this exact moment, but the album, Mercy Now, was released in 2004. The entire CD is worth a listen. Mary Gauthier's earthy sound is blues meets country and puts me in mind of Lucinda Williams.

The title song from the album could speak to many situations. I think it is particularly pertinent now as our country suffers from almost four years of a greedy, power hungry, cruel administration that has slashed and burned down institutions with abandon and is the cause of suffering and death on a scale not seen in our country in modern history. 

My online dictionary defines mercy as "compassion or forgiveness shown toward someone whom it is within one's power to punish or harm."  

As the song says, I think every single one of us could use some mercy now.

YouTube link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IT7NiFpJmvI

Mercy Now

My father could use a little mercy now
The fruits of his labor fall and rot slowly on the ground
His work is almost over it won't be long, he won't be around
I love my father, he could use some mercy now

My brother could use a little mercy now
He's a stranger to freedom, he's shackled to his fear and his doubt
The pain that he lives in it's almost more than living will allow
I love my bother, he could use some mercy now

My church and my country could use a little mercy now
As they sink into a poisoned pit it's going to take forever to climb out
They carry the weight of the faithful who follow them down
I love my church and country, they could use some mercy now

Every living thing could use a little mercy now
Only the hand of grace can end the race towards another mushroom cloud
People in power, they'll do anything to keep their crown
I love life and life itself could use some mercy now

Yeah, we all could use a little mercy now
I know we don't deserve it but we need it anyhow
We hang in the balance dangle 'tween hell and hallowed ground
And every single one of us could use some mercy now
Every single one of us could use some mercy now
Every single one of us could use some mercy now

Day 217

A week ago I had a chance to catch up with someone I haven't seen since February. I mentioned how many days I had been staying safely at home, and she was surprised I knew the number. I didn't start keeping count on purpose; it was after weeks went by that I was curious how many days it had been. I told her that in the beginning it didn't occur to me that it would be months, and maybe more than a year, before I could visit family and friends with nary a care.

That knowledge in the beginning would not have been helpful. It was nice to be ignorant of what was ahead.

Summer was another kind of reprieve ~ warmth and sun and more light than dark made the days easier. 

Now that autumn is in full swing with its cooler temperatures and colors and changing light, I am changing gears. I have been going full speed with busy-ness, racing against nonexistent deadlines. Other than paying bills when due and voting, I don't have to get anything accomplished by a certain time. 

I wish that realization provided more relief than it does. I like beginnings and endpoints and deadlines. The more I have to do in a certain amount of time, the more I get done in the time allotted. I like organization, routines, and schedules. I am good at getting things completed and take satisfaction in a job well done. 

I've felt at odds with all the "free" time. Without deadlines I keep assigning more chores, starting more projects, and ending the days feeling like I can't get everything done, the everything that I've put on myself to do.

Now that I've figured this out I'm changing things up a bit. I started something new this month that is helping me change the pace. I wasn't sure how it would work out and it's taken me a number of days to find a groove. A few more days and I'll be ready to share.

The journey continues....

New Music Monday: MCC

 I bought a  number of CDs this summer, some by long-loved artists and some new to me. I thought it would be fun to share my favorites here.   

I load up the player Monday mornings for background music while we start our weekly visit with our granddaughter. We are lucky in Maine to have a locally owned store that sells new and used CDs and DVDs, and they offer free shipping with each $35 purchase [Bull Moose Music if you want to check them out]. I enjoy the new music as well as often-played favorites from our collection, and some days I put together a particularly well-conceived set. Luckily, some artists complement just about any other choices.

Mary Chapin Carpenter is just such an artist. I was going to share her 2020 release next week, but MDK [Modern Daily Knitting] just posted a review of her latest CD, which is worth a read if you feel so inclined. I have enjoyed her artistry for 30 years. Her music is sometimes soulful and sometimes lighthearted, always honest and poetic. The Dirt and the Stars is so perfect for this year that it's hard to believe she crafted the songs before the pandemic. I will play this magical mix over and over for months to come.

Here's the title song~

Between the Dirt and the Stars

Try to conjure up a night
Of jessamine upon the air
I'm 17 and in a car,
ready to ride anywhere
This summer night sticks to my skin
And the beer's gone to my head
My arm hangs out the window 
And I can't hear what you just said -

Over the radio
wild wild horses
everything you'll ever know
is in the choruses

Everything that made you whole
Everything that broke your heart
Whatever called you by your soul
And piece by piece took you apart
Every spark you ever chased
All the faith love robbed you of
Every light the dark erased
And every cause that gave you up

Turn on the radio
wild wild horses
everywhere we'd ever go
is in the choruses

Standing on the porch tonight
All I hear is a distant car
Watching the fading light
Between the dirt and the stars
Between the rough and smooth 
The easy and the hard
The lonely sound of loneliness 
That's shaped just like my heart

Years will pass before we turn
To face the place where we come from
Years will pass before we learn
What time denies to everyone
And if we're lucky ghosts and prayers
Are company not enemies
I time travel straight back there
When you were singing back to me

Along with the radio
wild wild horses
everything we'll ever know
is in the choruses

Over the radio
wild wild horses
everywhere we'll ever go
is in the choruses

Autumn Arrives

Today is number 199 of my pandemic experience. I was laying in bed a couple weeks back, unable to fall asleep, and started adding to when I last counted days I've been mostly at home. I landed on 178 and pondered that number for a bit ~ that's half the number of days in a leap year. It had been half a year since this whole mess started for me. And tomorrow it will be 200 days....

It seems that autumn has decided to give us a break this week. Last week the nights started getting colder and early this week we had scattered frost on the fields in the morning. When the seasons changed yesterday the temperatures warmed and a lovely warm breeze blew that demanded open windows. The rest of this week promises to be as beautiful. I have no excuse not to paint the exterior door jamb that Ken has repaired, and it actually looks pretty good with just the first coat.

I decided that this is the week to make all the phone calls and appointments that I have been putting off. I have a dentist visit tomorrow that was rescheduled months ago, and there is a list of protocols to follow to insure safety. Next door to that office is my optician, so I called today to see if they will take my glasses in for repair; I will call from the parking lot and they will retrieve my glasses from my car and give me an estimate on how long it will take. 

I called my doctor's office to see what I can work out to get flu shots and TDAP boosters for me and my husband. It took two days and four phone calls but it turns out we can schedule "drive in" vaccinations where a nurse meets us at our car for our shots. The scheduling will require another phone call but it's worth it.

We need the TDAP booster because we are expecting grandchild number four in early December. My younger son and his wife are having their first child, and we are all very excited. I am already plotting how I can quarantine for two weeks here before I go to Massachusetts to help out, probably around the first of next year. They have taken the "stay safely at home" as seriously as we have so they have been part of our "bubble," and they were back to visit over Labor Day weekend. Those days were relaxed and easy and made life seem normal, if only for a few days.

But really, there is very little that is normal about this time of a pandemic, continual racial injustice and violence against people of color, and corruption of the party in power like we have never seen in our country ~ all amidst wildfires and weather events ripping through parts of the country with increasing severity. When it seemed like it couldn't possibly get worse, last Friday we learned that Ruth Bader Ginsburg had died. I woke up Saturday in tears. I have moments of complete despair. Tonight I asked myself what might help, even a little bit, something I could do right now.

Writing would help. Reaching out. Connecting. Even my introverted self reaches a point where I can't do it all by myself any more. So here I am. 

I hope you are well. I will return....

Day 141

Twenty weeks...the number of weeks we have been mostly at home. The news for my town and county is excellent; according to the Maine CDC website there are currently 1-5 cases of COVID-19 in my town. My county has had a total of 43 cases, no deaths. Maine's positive rate for testing is currently under 1%.

We wear masks and social distance everywhere we go, even at the beach.

We are in a good place. Yet for some reason my anxiety has risen in the last ten days, probably over concern for family in the Boston area, schools everywhere making plans to reopen in some fashion, and my daughter's medical students return to campus in southern Maine. I will have grandchildren in school and a daughter-in-law who works in a public school. I have had trouble sleeping, also a result of hot, sticky weather in the last week. I wake early with thoughts gone wild if I don't consciously reign them in, breathe deeply, and talk my body into relaxing so I can at least rest if I can't get back to sleep.

Tonight the anxiety broke and I am grateful beyond words. It started with a video chat with my daughter about how things went today with my granddaughter. Then we started talking about how the situation with the virus looks statewide and by county. She follows the data closely, monitors updates from the Maine CDC, and tracks the latest medical findings about the virus. Her days are busy and we don't often have a chance for a long in-depth conversation about the current situation. She answers questions any family member has, though we don't take her time or position for granted. Maybe she got a sense of my anxiety. Whatever the reason we had a chance to talk, it has made all the difference in my perspective. I feel hopeful.

I appreciate people who read what I write, and every comment keeps me coming back though it has been weeks since I've posted here. I have all the time in the world and don't feel I am doing all that I want to or could do. That feeling has kept my thoughts spinning, second guessing ideas and plans.

I aim to jump that hurdle and move forward in the days to come. Perspective is everything. 

June Update

The start of summer marks the end of 15 weeks of "staying safe at home," the prosaic name the governor has given this period of time. One hundred five days. The 100th day of school is celebrated with games, math puzzles, stories, and special snacks. The particular 100-day mark that passed in this house last week was acknowledged for the fact that we are still healthy and have routines in place to get through the next hundred days and the hundred after that if need be.

Maine has not "opened" as quickly as some people would like, but the number of COVID-19 cases are holding steady; that's proof enough that we are doing things the right way. My osteopath's office has opened, but there are so many safety procedures in place that I have put off making an appointment. Ken has a dental appointment scheduled next month, so we'll see what that involves. My hair is the longest it has been in more than three decades, which isn't a choice so much as a product of the time. It's gotten to the point where it's manageable if I keep my bangs trimmed.

June has had the perfect weather. The first two weeks the days were in the 60's and nights in the 40's, with just enough rain to keep things watered and growing. The last week has been dry, though we do need rain at this point, and summer weather arrived at just the right time. Last weekend we made our first trip to the ocean and enjoyed the beach while social distancing. This weekend we enjoyed a socially distanced picnic dinner on my daughter's patio; our first take-out pizza in three months was delicious. Today I bought tickets online for a no-contact drive-in movie Friday night, a showing of "Back to the Future." It's an oldie but a goodie, and I will just enjoy looking up at the big screen.

This month our household jumped into the 21st century with a major technological advancement: we now have internet via fiber optic cable. The engineer, linemen, and technicians made all their visits and accomplished all their work while practicing social distancing. It was impressive. Fortunately, Ken knew how to do all the work that fell to the homeowners so we were able to get everything done in good time. And it works great! The first few days I was cautiously optimistic. Now that we've run multiple devices over a period of days at a variety of times in the house and on the deck, I am confident that we are all set. Tomorrow I will cancel the DSL service. If wifi calling works as we hope it will with our cell phones, I will cancel the land line next month. This development is a huge boon for our household for which I am grateful.

In the last few days I have decided that I am not ready to let go of teaching. I hadn't decided to "get done" and I don't like the idea of letting circumstances dictate that for me. I am not actively looking for a job as no one knows what school will look like in the fall; I have decided to maintain my certification which is up for renewal next year. My daughter-in-law shared info about quality online university courses she has taken, so I'm looking forward to taking two in the next several months. I love an excuse to go back to school.

The journey continues....

Hunkered Down

I talked with all my kids and grandkids for Mother's Day, which was the next best present I could have been given. The best present would have been visits in person but that is a ways off.

It's not that I haven't been planning a trip. I can't wait to get to Boston and have been hoping against hope that I could go this summer.

But after chatting with family in that area and reading all the updated stats and guidelines, I don't know when I will be able to go. It could be months.

Phone calls and video chats will need to be enough. 

The good news is that we are all healthy. Those who are employed are mostly working from home and following the safest protocols when they do go into work. 

My cupboards are stocked, and I have recipes to try. I have fabric and patterns. I go from project to project so it takes awhile to finish any one thing. There is always something to do.

It's a strange time.   

Groceries for $200, Alex

Two years ago the largest grocery store chain in Maine started offering "to go" service, where you place an order for groceries online and have the store deliver them to your car at a designated time. I laughed at the number of parking spots, usually empty, set aside at the store we use most often. I thought the service had value for busy families with hectic schedules, but I didn't think I would ever use it.

Then COVID-19 came to Maine. Ordering groceries online seemed like a smart idea.

So mid-March I put together a list, figured out how to navigate the website, filled a virtual cart, and requested a pick-up time (a slot). The first available slot was four days away, and you are able to edit your cart until the day of pick up. I continued to add items as I thought of them. I figured I wasn't going through this process every week and decided to stock up.

It was a good plan. Many people thought so. The stores who offer "to go" have been overwhelmed with orders and had trouble keeping shelves stocked for walk-in customers, too. My plan went bust the night before my pick-up day ~ I received an email announcing the end of "to go" until the end of March. The stores just couldn't keep up with demand.

Luckily there is a smaller store in the same chain just eleven miles from me. The store is not on the interstate or in a large town, and they don't offer a to-go service. The hour from 6 to 7 on Tuesday and Wednesday mornings is set aside for seniors, and for the first time ever I took advantage of membership in that group. The store was not busy, the shelves were well stocked, and the clerks were wonderful. I was grateful to have such easy access to groceries.

However, I didn't give up on "to go" at the larger store. There are items not available at the smaller store and, while the stores are taking every possible precaution, I liked the idea of not having to enter the building. I modified the list I had created weeks earlier and applied for a slot. The procedure has been modified so that slots are made available for just two days at a time, and they fill up fast. Just after midnight Thursday night I landed a slot for Saturday afternoon. I continued to edit my cart and received notices that several items were not available. I agreed to accept substitutions. I decided to look at the whole experience as an adventure, something like a game show where I didn't know what the prize would be.

I was a bit nervous when I pulled into the parking spot reserved for to-go customers Saturday afternoon. The directions for the entire process had been outlined in an email, and the number to call to announce my arrival was posted on a sign in the parking lot. I made the call, selected option 1, and talked to a woman who explained the no-contact process to pay and how the bags would be loaded into my car. Everything went off without a hitch. It was easier than I thought it would be.

I ordered over $200 worth of food, and the final bill came to just over $149. The basics were covered; and potato chips can be found at the gas station. I will keep trying to find hot dogs because grilling season has started. I am not alone in the search for flour, yeast, and pasta.

The smaller store is still an option...if I set my alarm;)

What's In a Word?

When I begin to think about the new year, words start finding me. This year I spent January trying on each word as it came to mind, sometimes for two or three days. The word for the year has to sit with me for a bit in a variety of circumstances. Once I commit, the word is with me for the whole year.

As 2020 started I knew I was teaching for the month of January. I planned to catch up with myself in February. The grandkids near Boston were on the calendar for the first full weekend in March. Then I was going to see what teaching gigs were open for the last few months of the school year.

The word that kept coming to mind didn't seem like my kind of word at first, but I've learned to let words float and show me what they have to offer. I imagine the word rotating in space so I can see it from every angle and consider how many different ways it might fit in my life. I got comfortable with this particular word, mostly because it opened up many possibilities by virtue of the open ended nature of the word itself.

As the weeks passed and life drastically changed due to the pandemic, this word was true to itself. It offered possibilities I wouldn't have considered in ordinary times, ways to look at life if I took the word to heart.

My word for 2020 is create. When it first showed up I thought it had to do with sewing and baking and making meals, all things I intended to get more inventive with and challenge myself to stretch. Ken and I planned road trips to places familiar and new. We had projects lined up to do with all the kids and ideas for how to entertain grandkids.

Then the word "isolation" became part of my vocabulary. Since March 9 I have left the house only for groceries, gas, and to transport my granddaughter who lives locally. I didn't give up on my word but sat with it to see how it would fit... and it expanded to address every aspect of this new circumstance ~ as in create pockets of time, create spaces to dream, create positives about the situation, and create ways to stay connected across the miles. So far, so good.

The journey continues....

Time to Write

Last summer everything seemed possible.

After my trip to Scotland, Ken and I took a road trip to see family in West Virginia and friends in Pennsylvania. We came home to do yard work and spend time with kids and grandkids ~ the weather was perfect for trips to the beach and cook-outs. I made it a point to enjoy every day of the season.

Then autumn arrived and I found the ideal long-term substitute teaching job. It started three weeks into October, which gave me time to get the house in order and organize quilting projects to do in the evenings. The 7:10 start time was early and the days were long, but I enjoyed teaching the 4th and 5th graders, my favorite age group. Snow days delayed the end of my commitment until January 29. I accomplished the goals I had set for the class and left on good terms with students and staff, so it was another good teaching experience.

I had such plans once I was home again! The first few weeks I spent cleaning house and catching up on my sleep. I started more quilting projects and tried new recipes. I relished time with family. I committed to getting back on the treadmill and found that mid-morning is a time I can stick to.

I have drafted several blog posts in my head but have been reluctant to spend much time on the computer. I was going to post pics when quilts were finished and while we were on a trip to New York's wine country. Then life changed....

In February we heard about a virus spreading through Asia and a cruise trip. Soon reports of COVID-19 in Italy made the headlines. Then cases were reported in Washington, California, and New York. We were not alarmed, but the more we listened and watched the more convinced we were that this epidemic is serious. We cancelled our plans for New York out of what we hoped was extreme caution. 

It turns out it wasn't extreme at all. It was common sense. Maine was one of the last states to verify cases of the virus. It's here now. We are in close touch with our sons in the Boston area, both of whom are working from home for the foreseeable future. We are available to help our daughter with day care if she is called in to work. And I have time to work on all the projects, including writing here.

My word for the year is curiously appropriate for where I find myself. I'll share next time.

The journey continues....