Common Ground Country Fair

Today we went to the fair, the Common Ground Country Fair. This is a yearly event of the Maine Organic Farmers and Growers Association on 40 acres of land in Thorndike, Maine. We parked our car in a field and hitched a ride on a tractor to the fair grounds

where a market offers the products of farmers' labor ~

and gardens remind us where our food comes from ~

There are more animals, demonstrations, crafts, edible delights, and performances to see than signs possible to point you in the right direction ~

Ken chatted with a well-known Maine humorist in front of our favorite coffee stand ~

There were musicians ~

and spinners ~

and dogs herding sheep ~

as well as solar panels, wind turbines, and timber frame houses ~

in celebration of autumn's harvest ~

and the last splash of summer's colorful splendor ~

at the Common Ground Country Fair ~

Need A Little Autumn

Some time ago my daughter gave me a few small pieces of fabric she thought I might like. She knows me well and knew I would find a way to use them. This year I wanted to bring the colors of autumn to our table, and I was craving green, too. I wanted the rush of color to be where I can see it all the time, and a tablecloth fits the bill ~

Then I combined her bit of apple fabric with remnants I had and cut up other scraps of yellow and green for the reverse side. It's missing something....

Ah, yes, flowers always add a finishing touch. Ken picked this bouquet up from the grocery store on his way home from work on Friday. It's the thought that counts ~

Colors of autumn, the time of year when living things go to seed to prepare for rebirth in the spring. Some say this season is really the beginning, a time to take stock and get ready for what comes next. I am in that place as this season gets underway.

New Harbor

Ken and I first stopped in New Harbor thirty-three years ago this week, on our honeymoon, just long enough to enjoy the view and smell the sea air. We've been meaning to go back and today we did. Again we enjoyed the view out to sea ~

And checked out the fishing boats in the harbor ~

This time we wondered which boat delivered these delicious lobsters for our dinner ~

Click On "Restart"

My computer was acting all wonky, slow to respond and having trouble with uploads. I ran updates and scans, which didn't help much. Then I clicked on "restart." All better now.

I realized I need to find my personal "restart" button.

My stomach has been in knots for weeks. I thought it was due to the nervous excitement of the wedding, yet there has been little relief in the weeks since.

Not that other things haven't come up. There have been problems with the car, which turned out to be fixable. Leo has now been to the vet twice and still is not feeling 100%. News from all family fronts is not sunshine and rainbows.

I ran through my usual repertoire of strategies when life gets wonky, but they didn't help much.

Time to click on "restart."

This week I started walking on the treadmill again. I have made the commitment to get on the treadmill every day. Every. Single. Day.

I have signed up for Jan Lundy's "Buddha Chick"online class. It starts the end of this month and will include conference calls, podcasts, and homework. I have made the commitment to do every assignment, even the ones that make me feel uncomfortable. Every. Single. Assignment.

This morning I registered for a new offering through the local adult education program, a 40-hour certificate course in Microsoft Office Skills. With this course I will enhance my knowledge of Word, Excel, Access, PowerPoint, and Outlook. I will have class two nights a week starting in October. I have made the commitment to practice with these programs until I can easily use each one. I. Will. Practice.

This week I have an appointment for massage therapy. Next week is acupuncture. The following week I have an appointment for osteopathic treatment, my first one in more than five years. Something is out of whack and needs attention.

I feel out of sync with the life I want. I can't continue to go through the motions and hope that it becomes real. That is not working.

Restart. Click.

The Thread

Today my daughter handed me a poem by a poet new to me. The poem is beautiful and perfect for this time, just as she said it was. Again and again I am reminded that I am not alone, that my feelings are familiar and the same questions have been asked by so many before me ~

The Thread
by Denise Levertov

Something is very gently,
invisibly, silently,
pulling at me - a thread
or net of threads
finer than cobweb and as
elastic. I haven't tried
the strength of it. No barbed hook
pierced and tore me. Was it
not long ago this thread
began to draw me? Or
way back? Was I
born with its knot about my
neck, a bridle? Not fear
but a stirring
of wonder makes me
catch my breath when I feel
the tug of it when I thought
it had loosened itself and gone.

My Buddy Leo

Last week-end Ken noticed what felt like a cyst on Leo's chest. We watched it for a few days. It got smaller and then larger again. I called the vet on Thursday and made an appointment for Friday. We feared the worst, that it was a tumor.
The vet did a thorough exam and said she was having a hard time hearing his heartbeat. She recommended x-rays to see if she could tell what was going on.

It turned out to be a good news/bad news scenario. The good news was there was no tumor in his chest and his lungs were clear. The bad news was that that information didn't answer any of the questions about the cyst or his heart. She recommended a test of the fluid in the cyst, blood work, and a thyroid test.

Last evening I talked at length with the vet on the phone. Again, there was good news and bad news. No sign of cancer. The cyst may be an indication of something deeper or it could be a reaction to an injury and will heal in time. There is no problem with his thyroid, but that means that he probably has the beginnings of heart disease. The lab work did show the start of kidney disease, which means we will be starting him on special food that is very low in protein. Poor Leo ~ he loves his protein-filled wet food and little tastes of meat as special treats.

There are good signs: he's not having trouble breathing and none of his habits have changed. Our best estimate is that he's about 14 years old, so all things considered he's doing okay.

It is silly to be so attached to little guy. I asked him last week who I would talk to if he wasn't around. He looked at me as if to say, "What's for dinner?" So we will take it one day at a time and do what we can to keep him as healthy as possible.

For The Interim Time

I was fortunate to be a part of Jan's tele-class "Living in the Meantime" this past Monday evening. Jan will soon have a podcast of the class available at her blog awake is good.

I had not intended to write a post about the class. Jan does such a beautiful job on her blog and with her classes that I am not sure I would do justice to the message or her delivery. If you haven't visited her blog, I encourage you to stop by. If you are experiencing a transition of any kind, I would recommend that you listen to the podcast when it's available.

I took notes during the class and this week have been sitting with what I heard. Ken is working out of town; we have had some of the hottest days of the summer; and I have been feeling uncharacteristically calm. Outwardly nothing has changed. Inwardly I am waiting patiently, and that is due in part because I heard on Monday night that a lot of what I have been doing is appropriate for someone who is living in the meantime.

I am smack dab in the middle of the meantime. Jan said that to surrender is to trust and that that is big work. She also said that things do work out.

So I have been practicing trust this week. I have taken better care of myself, and I am sleeping better, despite the heat.

Jan shared part of a blessing on Monday night that was perfect for the topic of the class. I had just ordered that particular book of blessings and was anxious to read the entire piece. The book arrived today and I thumbed through it this evening. I found the blessing that Jan shared and started reading, and again the tears started. There is something about the promise that things will work out that gets me every time. It occurred to me that someone else may need to hear that promise tonight ~

For the Interim Time
by John O'Donohue

When near the end of day, life has drained
Out of light, and it is too soon
For the mind of night to have darkened things,

No place looks like itself, loss of outline
Makes everything look strangely in-between,
Unsure of what has been, or what might come.

In this wan light, even trees seem groundless.
In a while it will be night, but nothing
Here seems TO believe the relief of dark.

You are in this time of the interim
Where everything seems withheld.

The path you took to get here has washed out;
The way forward is still concealed from you.

"The old is not old enough to have died away;
The new is still too young to be born."

You cannot lay claim to anything;
In this place of dusk,
Your eyes are blurred;
And there is no mirror.

Everyone else has lost sight of your heart
And you can see nowhere to put your trust;
You know you have to make your own way through.

As far as you can, hold your confidence.
Do not allow your confusion to squander
This call which is loosening
Your roots in false ground,
That you might come free
From all you have outgrown.

What is being transfigured here is your mind,
And it is difficult and slow to become new.
The more faithfully you can endure here,
The more refined your heart will become
For your arrival in the new dawn.

(From To Bless the Space Between Us, Doubleday, 2008, p. 119-20)