Last weekend was a weekend away, from home and routine and errands and chores. Ken and I didn't go far, only 45 miles south, to stay in a nice hotel and eat in fine restaurants. I agreed when Ken proposed the get-away early last week, although I didn't realize at the time how much good it would do for us to take a mini vacation.
It has been a rough few months for us. Ups and downs, misunderstandings, silence. We would make a bit of progress, and then things would slide back again. We couldn't seem to get on the same page about anything, except our kids and how much we enjoy all of us being together.
The holidays made that crystal clear to me.
Then everyone went home, the new year got under way, and I realized I had to make decisions about what I want my life to look like.
I remember being in this same place at different times throughout the last 36 years. Each time I think we have resolved whatever the problem is and that we will not return to this place again. Time goes by and we forget...until the next time. Something shifts, or someone changes, or life happens. We try to put things back the way they were, but things no longer fit the way they did. When nothing works we stop trying, we set things aside, and we wait. And wait. And wait.
Sometimes we wait longer than I thought possible.
Sometimes things shift in a way I couldn't have imagined before it happens.
Life comes back.
Ken and I have started talking again about our life together.
Change is constant and happens despite our best efforts to avoid it. I keep forgetting that.
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4 comments:
You seem very tuned in to your life, though, which is a good thing. Seeing the reality of where we are, and what we might need, lets us live in a more honest and satisfying way.
As someone said to me earlier today "Nothing worthwhile is ever easy".
The Frenchman and I have been testy with each other a lot lately. A new dog and all that come with that, living under each others' noses for the past 3 months, it all starts to pick away at the seams. As long as we can still give each other a hug and say I love you, I know there's still hope.
Joanne always has such wisdom to share. Understanding that we're all different and that we view the world from different places, helps me to get through the rough patches.
Relationships get extra complicated when one party does not keep pace or chooses not to acknowledge that shift is happening. Been there... We have to be ever watchful – it’s so easy to let issues ride and settle for the status quo. Congrats on being vigilant and sensitive to keeping your life and marriage on track.
This is why I think meditation is a metaphor for life. We watch the breath arise, we watch it fall away...we get lost in thoughts, emotions, sensations...forget the breath and then suddenly remember to return over and over again. By practicing meditation we are able to recognize these patterns in our lives and somehow, at least for me this allows me to be more present to whatever is happening with less judgment and fear (not always, but more and more often)...I am so glad you had your little get-away...that shift is happening for you my friend. Keep the faith...shift ALWAYS happens.
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