I have been working through something. Bear with me because there is a point.
The first time I played pool with Ken he asked me what I was doing; I told him I was aiming to hit the ball. He smiled and asked me why I was holding the cue left-handed. I smiled because the boyfriend who taught me to play pool was left-handed, and that was the only way I knew.
I am naturally right-handed. It would be nice to be able to
use my left hand to hold a paintbrush or roller, but I haven't had much
luck with that. My writing is hardly recognizable when I use my left
hand. My mother tried to teach me to knit, but she's left-handed and I never could make my hands work that way.
That said, there are two things I do with my left hand without thinking about it. I work combination locks with my left hand, due to all those years opening lockers while holding books with my right, and I unlock keyed locks with my left hand, due to all those years holding groceries and children with my right.
It must be a matter of practice. If I spent more time practicing with my left hand, I have no doubt that I could make it more productive. It would take perseverance. I would need to be patient with myself while I made mistakes and refined my movements. It would need to be more important to me than it is for me to put in that kind of time and energy.
It seems that the first way I learned to do something is the way that sticks. It's not that I can't change - it's just that it takes intention to learn a different way.
I am finding that this is also true with changing my habits of mind.
Last week I had an acupuncture appointment with Brett. I continue to go because I think it helps me reset my system and supports my intention to be my best self. I want Brett to notice changes, even small ones. She said it's hard for a person to change their nature. She added that people can experience shifts. I decided to focus on that while I was on the table.
I cannot change who I am, just like I cannot become left-handed. It's hard to change the ways I've always thought about things, but it's possible to make room for small shifts to happen.
I am focusing on the ways I can be more of who I want to be. It's taking a lot of time and energy to achieve small changes, which will hopefully come more naturally with practice.
I am taking it one day at a time. The journey continues ~
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8 comments:
Sharon I relate to your dilemma. Change is so difficult. Just when I think I have mastered the art of moving gratefully (and gracefully) through this life, in flies the monkey wrench. And I start all over again from the beginning. It's so difficult. Reading you helps:)
Sharon, I feel the same way as Cindy. The way you wrote about it makes it so much easier to get a handle on why change is so difficult. Thank you. I wish you the best as you continue to try, too!
I commend your desire to be true to yourself and to bring her out into the open for all of us to enjoy. I wonder what would happen if you just set about to play and have fun with different aspects of yourself.
This puts me in mind of a quote I like (naturally). :o)
"The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are." Unknown
Blessings,
Carolynn
Oh
how I wish there was someone near that I could go to
for acupunture.
Too far away for me
they are :)
Yeah, I don't think it's a matter of other, just more, or better. Puts me in mind of Rafa Nadal, a natural right-hander who was trained to play tennis as a lefty. And of course that has been hugely successful. But the guy also has a massive and very public case of OCD. I don't know if that has anything to do with the righty-lefty thing, but I do wonder.
Change is hard, and it's easy to just roll back into what we were before we changed. Each little change is a drop of water that wears away the stone of our old self. It may take some time, but you will succeed in attaining what it is you want to be.
Jen
I remember being told to change subtle aspects of my day to day life like switching the toothbrush to the other side of the sink, etc. to open up new pathways in my brain.
I do believe it works.
Good luck with the acupuncture and I loved the pics of you and the wee man :)
XO
WWW
Your analogy is so true, Sharon. Being true to ourselves seems a lot of work for me, but has become easier. It is like breaking a very bad habit. Acupuncture is very helpful for me, too.
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