Words

I love words.  The best part of my current job is that I talk with students about words, what they mean and how they are used, how they work together and how we use them to convey what we mean.

My love of words makes it all the more frustrating that I can't figure out how to put the right words together to write about what has happened.  There are too many feelings and too many things I can't say because it's not just about me.  I have my perspective and others have their perspective, and there are few specifics I can share that don't make it sound like I am pleading my case, which is the last thing I want to do.

I can say that the work I've done over the last several years has helped me stay present in emotional situations, able to keep the focus on myself and stay calm while I speak from my heart.  I have no regrets.

There is a plaque hanging next to my kitchen door that reads "Be wise, be kind, be true."  I have done the best I know how to do with the people I care about most.  I have been as kind as I can be, as helpful as I know how.  I have been true to my values, careful not to carry tales or put people in the middle of situations that are not of their making.

In the end I need to accept that people are who they tell me they are, that they feel the way they say they do.  I need to let go of the desire to be heard.  I can't make people like me or want to spend time with me. 

It hurts.  Time helps.

The journey continues....