Life Update

I am currently reading a novel by Heidi Jon Schmidt, The House on Oyster Creek.  The setting is the coast of Cape Cod where the main character, Charlotte, has moved with her husband and young daughter.  She has befriended an oyster farmer and is working to save the tidal flats where he "farms" oysters and clams.  In her quest she has a conversation with Ada, a woman who has lived in the town of Wellfleet her entire life and pays Charlotte a compliment:

"Charlotte glanced away - the flash of Ada's loneliness was too painful, and the praise made her shy - but she felt the truth of it:  She was uncertain partly because of her openness.  Henry [Charlotte's husband] could press ahead and crush his opposition because he didn't stop to ask himself whether he might be wrong.  Charlotte let life flow through and change her; and if this would have made her a very bad critic and a dreadful real estate developer, it had helped her become a good mother; the most ordinary, most important thing on earth."

I read that last night and has an aha moment.  Life has been swirling with the accomplishments of my family ~ my children's careers are flourishing, and my husband passed an important exam necessary to renew his New Hampshire credentials.  Throughout conversations and updates I listen and encourage.  When goals are reached I celebrate.  I take in stride whatever happens, find the positive points, and work hard to keep whatever I might think to myself.  Their lives impact mine.  I adapt and change.   I like Charlotte's idea that this is important.

I have been feeling that I am the most ordinary person I know, with little to share and not much to offer, hence the lack of posts from this corner.  Nothing new to see here, while my online friends are moving and shaking the world around them.  I am grateful for the photos and stories that people share.  I have not been holding up my end in the blogging world because the stories around here lately are not my stories to tell.  My vow to keep the focus on my life leads to b-o-r-i-n-g when all the goings on are internal as things shift and I search for balance.  I am still waiting for what's next for me...

In the meantime I have a new cat in my life.  Meet Millie ~

She's an eleven year-old cat who has some treatable health issues and needed a new foster home.  My daughter forwarded the information to me on Mother's Day.  I thought for sure someone would take her in, but this weekend the situation became urgent.  I called Sunday, my application was approved Monday, and Millie came to live with us Tuesday.  She made herself right at home on my quilt squares ~

She needs fattening up, along with medication to kick a urinary tract infection.  So I'm feeding her as much as she'll eat, giving her pills and fluids, and petting her as much as she'll allow.  She likes looking out the kitchen door just like Leo did ~

I can help her, and I think she's good for me.  I will let you know how it goes ~

Blue And Brown

Over 35 years ago, while on my honeymoon in Maine, I bought a pattern for a Dresden Plate quilt.  Ken and I always said we wanted a bedroom done in blue and brown, so I started buying fabric with those colors.  I gave up the idea of that particular quilt but kept the fabric for a future project [the fabric with tiny rose flowers is fabric left from the first dress I made my daughter] ~

Three weeks ago I pulled out the other pieces of fabric for this quilt I've collected over the years [the piece with stars is from my daughter and is called "Possibilities"] ~

I lined the fabric up to see how the colors coordinated ~

This is just what I had in mind.  I decided to use squares ~

And rectangles, which are sewn together in threes ~

And cut in thirds to make more squares ~

The fabrics don't match but they go together.  The project is satisfying, playing with colors and patterns and shapes, making things fit.  After all this time it feels right to work on this project now.  I'm calling it my Harmony Quilt ~

On Vibrate

Everybody's Fine.  The Robert De Niro movie by that name has been going through my mind since Friday.  In the movie De Niro's character, Frank, travels to see each of his grown children to make sure they're fine.

In my case, my children have been checking in regularly to let me know they're fine.  My son in Boston called early Friday morning to tell me he was okay before I had any idea there was a manhunt underway.  He was home trying to figure out how to get to work, and soon after his call we heard that all of Boston was told to shelter in place.

I watched and listened as Friday's events unfolded.  I kept thinking the police would locate the suspect...any minute they would come upon him hiding...arrest him...and this chapter would be finished, though the story was just beginning.  I was concerned about the safety of my son, but I was acutely aware that the bombing suspects were someone's sons, too.

It feels like someone put the world on vibrate....

Two weeks ago during a massage my body started to vibrate.  It was unexpected but not scary, odd but not hurtful.  I felt the effects for hours afterward.  A few days later I asked my daughter what she thought the vibrating meant.  She said she didn't have a scientific explanation, but she had a theory and used a metaphor to explain:  When musicians in an orchestra tune their instruments before a concert, the sounds are disjointed, apart from one another, out of sync.  Each instrument needs to be tuned on its own before it carries its part within the group.  When the conductor taps his wand, the sounds find each other, come together, and play in harmony.

Chaos lays the groundwork for harmony.

That explanation has been reassuring to me as I reflect on all that is happening, in my life and out in the world.  I want a reason for continued optimism.   I want to believe that we will figure this out.

I like to think that through it all we are moving toward harmony....   

Safety Not Guaranteed

Last week my older son called via Skype to let me know he was safe in China, where he travels several times a year for work.  All was well.   He wanted us to know he knew what connections he would need to make to leave quickly if the situation in North Korea should escalate.  I was glad to hear his voice.  Most times I look for a post on Facebook that he has safely arrived overseas or has returned safely home.

He was the one I was concerned about....

Yesterday was a holiday in Maine.  We are the only state other than Massachusetts that celebrates Patriots' Day, which commemorates the first battles of the Revolutionary War at Lexington and Concord.  For some, like Ken, it's a day off.

My daughter and younger son were working, so it was unusual to get a call from my daughter in the middle of the afternoon.   I was watching Netflix while I worked on a new quilt, and Ken was working in the yard.  She wanted to let me know that she had communicated with our younger son in Boston via text and that he was okay.  Then she told me about the explosions at the finish line of the Boston Marathon.  I couldn't believe it.  The first reports must be mistaken.

There was no mistake.  Bombs went off and people were injured.

I immediately posted on Facebook that T was safe.  It was the fastest way to get the word out to the most people.  I called my mom, who doesn't use the computer.  I emailed a friend who isn't on FB.

I am grateful that my children are safe.  They are the first to remind me that they know how to take care of themselves.  They are living the lives they want to live.   

Rules Of Improvisation

My sister gave me the audiobook of Tina Fey's Bossypants.  I loved it and shared it with my daughter and a friend, who enjoyed it as well.  Before I listened to Tina Fey's story I couldn't get into her most recent TV show 30 Rock, but afterward I watched all the seasons that are on Netflix.  It all made much more sense once I knew her background.

There was one particular part of her book that has stayed with me.  I listened to it several times and took notes.  Tina shares her Rules of Improvisation, which also work for life in general.

1)  Agree and say "yes."  Respect what your partner has created and stay open minded.
[When you are working with someone, agree with their premise.]

2)  Say "yes AND."  Don't be afraid to contribute; your contributions are worthwhile.  Add something of your own to the discussion.
[The AND is when you say something that moves the interaction forward.]

3)  Make statements with your actions and voice.  Be part of the solution.
[Be confident.  Do not use an apologetic tone.]

4)  There are no mistakes, only opportunities, aka beautiful happy accidents.
[This is true when you take advantage of whatever happens.]

These are good, common sense guidelines.  Long ago I learned to say "yes" if given a choice, and I have never been sorry. There is a way to answer most questions with "yes," as long as the conversation continues to allow for clarification and flexibility.  I can talk to just about anyone because I can always find a way to extend the conversation; I am sincerely interested in what other people have to say.  I make a point to not raise my voice at the end of a statement because then it sounds like a question, and that defeats the point of making a statement.

If I look at life as an improvisation, the one rule I have trouble with is to see "mistakes" as opportunities.  I would expand that to decisions that made sense at the time they were made but have not panned out.  Maybe there are no clear answers.  Maybe one thing leads to another and it's hard to know what's connected, where the "mistake" ends and opportunity begins. 

This week I have to remind myself to keep breathing.  It's hard to see how anything fits together or where my place is in the scheme of things.

Just breathe.... 

In-Between Time

Yesterday's rain banished all but the iciest piles of snow.  The flower beds are thawing, though there are still places where leaves are frozen in place.  Each year at this time I am reminded to be patient, to trust that life indeed continues under the surface and will break through when it's time.  Brave tulip tips are barely visible, pushing forth despite cold nights still to come.

We spent March distracting ourselves from the evidence that spring had not yet arrived.  There were plenty of house projects to keep us busy.  Ken repaired a wall in the utility room that I still have to paint.  He removed plastic "lazy susan" shelves from a corner kitchen cabinet, which I reorganized to double the storage space.  We installed an under-cabinet rack to hold wine glasses, which frees up more cabinet space.  In our bedroom we hung new blinds, and I have washed curtains in three rooms.  I painted a three-drawer chest white and added porcelain knobs, a special place for fabric.  Flowers inside, if not yet outside ~

The yearly NCAA March Madness has been particularly exciting this year, with only one number one seed, Louisville, progressing to the Final Four.  My bracket was in trouble from the first round, so it's not my year to "win" the family competition.  That just frees me to root for all the teams to do their best and give us a good show.  I am looking forward to the games this coming weekend ~ two number four teams will meet as Syracuse and Michigan face off, and number nine seed Wichita State will play Louisville.  I am taking notes for next year, though teams change so often at the college level that it's hard to predict year to year.  Ken and I enjoy the fast-paced games. 

All wonderful distractions during this in-between time ~    

Day One Of Year Six

Five years ago I wrote my first post for this blog:

Spring arrives, a full moon appears, and Easter is celebrated - all within four days at the end of the snowiest winter many of us remember. It is a time of new beginnings and the perfect time for fresh ideas. 

Little has changed in the time since...
Yet nothing is the same....

Last month I told my massage therapist that the word "purpose" kept popping up.  I said I don't know my purpose, that I don't know what I'm doing.  She suggested that what I am doing is my purpose.

Five years ago I would not have made the observation, much less understood her response.

Last week during my massage we talked about the beliefs we have about ourselves, "our stories" in the words of Byron Katie, and who we are without our stories.  When I have a belief about my life the first question to ask: Is it true?  Depending on yes or no a series of questions follows.

I got off to a rocky start with Byron Katie.  Months ago I put her book down and haven't picked it up again.

Last week I thought I knew the answer to the first question I have about my life, but my answer leaves me with nowhere to go.

It's time to try again.

Now is a time of new beginnings and the perfect time for fresh ideas.