Halfway through class on Tuesday I wanted to be anyplace else.
Physically, I was sore from hauling rocks the day before and tired because I didn't sleep well. I couldn't get comfortable in the straight-backed chair, so I got up to walk around as often as I could without interrupting class, which also helped me stay awake.
Mentally, I was on overload. The topics this week were production and distribution, image and branding, advertising and promotion. By lunchtime I could feel the anxiety creeping in, and after lunch I had to force myself to focus to "stay in the room." When we broke into small groups I asked if people were as excited, less excited, or more excited compared to the first week. We agreed that we were feeling stressed and decided the best strategy was to take things one step at a time.
Once class was over I put everything out of my mind. I felt frustrated but couldn't verbalize why.
Wednesday morning I had an "aha moment." I was catching up with my blog reading, and the Monday meditation over at Awake is Good invited me to flow like a river. That struck a chord with me because of 1)my recent attention to the way water moves through my yard, and 2)the feeling that I have been swimming upstream for a long time. In my yard I am trying to accommodate the way rainwater naturally flows through my property, whereas in my life I have been trying six ways to Sunday to make things fit that have no intention of falling into place.
Aha.
The contrast is striking. I am willing to let rainwater follow its path, yet I am unable to honor my own. I have lived with myself my whole life, yet there are still things that I will not accept about who I am and how I do things.
There's nothing like a good metaphor to bring clarity.
Flow on.
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8 comments:
I love that a metaphor can bring clarity. This is timely for me to see too...very timely.
I am so happy to hear the flow, the buoyancy in your voice and intentions, Sharon. So glad my post touched your heart.:-)
I keep reminding myself to flow, too, with family issues that rose like flood waters this week. Instead of treading, it's much healthier to float. I feel better. May we both drift on with ease. Be well!
I knew I'd remember the title eventually...
"
In the river I know I will find the key
And your voice will rise like the spray
In the moment of knowing
The tide will wash away my doubt
'Cause you're already home
Making it nice for when I come home
Like the way I find my bed turned down
Coming in from a late night out.
Please keep reminding me
Of what in my soul I know is true
Come in my boat, there's a seat beside me
And two or three stars we can gaze into...
I'll wait no more for you like a daughter,
That part of our life together is over
But I will wait for you forever
Like a river...
I'll never leave, always just a dream away
A star that's always watching
Never turn away
We'll never leave, always just a thought away
A candle always burning
Never turn away
The moon will hide, the tree will bend
I'm right beside you
I'll never turn away."
Carly Simon, Letters Never Sent
AS I read your words I thought maybe your restlessness in class was due to the amount of new information you are receiving. While this path must have lots of godo for you, it sounds as if it's a new one; you said you feel as if you've been swimming upstream for a while. Be kind and gentle with your self as you experience all of the change as you adjust your "swimming pattern"--you will be using lots that you might not have used ever, or have used a long ago. Baby steps are perfect, and your metaphor is right on:) Lots of peaceful flow your way:)
It's all coming together Sharon! A lot of wisdom in this post!
I can relate to so much of this. One step at a time ...
This resonated--maybe we're all a little like this? (or maybe it's just me and you, lol.)
Sharon,
Great metaphor to adopt! Having been through this, it is an ebb and flow. I can assure you that you'll have just as many days where you're excited and pumped as you will feeling uncertain...it's all part of it and I've decided that's part of the fun. You'll look back before long and realize how far you've come! THAT will be exciting! For you and for us!
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