I started something last Sunday with my fire building. Monday afternoon and again today Ken built a fire in the chiminea.
The air has cooled. The heat warms us.
We stop what we're doing. Pull up a chair. Sit a spell.
The days are long. From the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep I am aware of where I am, what I am doing, what I want for my life, what I can't accomplish regardless of my efforts, and how fortunate I am.
I have made the commitment to go for a walk or get on the treadmill every day, and I have walked every day for the last six days. Physical movement helps when I can't make any other sort of movement happen. My body can move when everything else stalls. My knees beg to bend, my arms long to swing. Thank goodness my body remembers what it needs even when my mind is tired.
A friend emailed Wednesday morning with the news of the death of a guy I dated the summer after high school. We were friends and that summer we wondered if there might be more to our relationship. There was. We really liked each other. He didn't want me to go away to college. I told him I had to leave to find out who I could be. We met and talked at Christmas, and he wanted me to stay. We still really liked each other but we couldn't be together apart. He went back to the life he'd always had, and I moved on. Thank goodness I knew I had to keep moving.
Even now I keep moving until the fire invites me to stop for just a bit. There will be time to move when the embers die down.
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5 comments:
The fire burns, taking away all that extra stuff. Keep it burning.
I love to walk, it is the only exercise I stick with daily. But that could be because I have a dog, and I would feel pretty bad if I did not take her. Either way it works.
Sometimes your comments on my blog surprise me. You talk about running away from yourself, not knowing as much as you would like to or not liking what you see. What if you stopped for a bit? I wonder if you'd let the wind kiss your cheek. Your writing, your motherly love, your creativity are all so beautiful, so precious Sharon. May there always be someone in your life to mirror all this to you.
About the previous post and being rejected for full time work. Story of my life. I got a teaching degree when our state had a surplus of teachers. I couldn't move because my husband had a job that paid the bills. And I had my kids to consider. They needed to live close to their dad. My options were limited by lack of opportunity, being a mom and being on the downside of 30. If being over 30 is a liability, what is being over 50? OTOH, we know what we need, physically and emotionally. A warm fire, a walk on the beach, a moment of peace.
I'm so sorry for your loss. There's something primal and comforting about fire. Be gentle with yourself and listen to your heart's whisperings - as Glinda the Good Wish said, "You've had the power all along, my Dear."
...that's "Witch"...not Wish, but you probably knew that.
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