February Treats

I wrote the last post while I was watching The Oscars, one of the treats of February.  I had seen more of the movies up for awards than I realized.  I saw Birdman and The Judge by myself and want to see them again with Ken; I particularly enjoyed the performances of Robert Downey Jr. and Robert Duvall in the latter; I thought Birdman was over the top, which might have been why it was so popular, and while it wasn't one of my favorites last year I wouldn't mind seeing it again to see what I might have missed. 

Ken and I both liked Wild; I got so absorbed in the movie I forgot Reese Witherspoon was acting, and in a different year I think she could have won the Oscar.  Ken and I thought Grand Budapest Hotel was weird, but that kind of movie often does well with voters of The Academy; I don't want to see that one again.  We did like The Imitation Game, but instead of seeing it again I want to learn more about the mathematician Alan Turing and how his mind worked.  We saw Begin Again on DVD, and that is the sort of movie I will watch again because I like the story and the actors and the music is good.  I saw Into the Woods with my daughter and it was good fun; Anna Kendrick has an amazing voice, and Meryl Streep certainly held her own.

While still watching The Oscars I added movies we haven't seen yet to our Netflix queue:  Boyhood, Selma, The Theory of Everything, and Big Hero 6.  The winning song from Selma gave me goose bumps.

There are some movies from last year that I don't care to see at all.  I read the book Still Alice and thought it was well written, but now that I know the story I don't want to see the movie, though I'm sure Julianne Moore did a terrific job and deserves the Oscar.  I am just as sure J. K. Simmons earned his Oscar, but I don't want to see Whiplash because I don't enjoy movies about one person intentionally abusing another.  American Sniper and Foxcatcher are based on true stories, and I don't want to see them because I know enough about those tragedies already.  After last year's Academy Awards we gave in and rented Gravity, which was as bad as I thought it would be; I will not be suckered in this year to watch Interstellar.

That Sunday evening awards show was the perfect way to end February vacation.  I was relaxed and well rested.

Then I went back to work.  I have been tired every night, so tired that I have climbed into bed early the last two nights.  The frustration of the job is tiring, as is the frigid cold weather and the mountains of snow.  Sometimes the best thing is to climb into a warm bed with a good book ~ I'm on my third re-read of favorite Elizabeth Berg novels.

Another treat of February is that it is the shortest month, so no matter how cold or snowy it is we know it will be over soon.  It's also the last full month of winter.  We have no illusions that spring is anywhere close, but it feels good to say "the last month of winter."

We get accustomed to the snow as it piles up.  I took photos after the January 27 blizzard and again on February 22 after the storm the day before.  Yes, we had a lot of snow in January, and photos show how much more we have now.  Ken does a terrific job of keeping us cleared out ~

Results of the Blizzard of January 2015 ~

After the February 21 Snowstorm ~

He gets those nice clean edges and keeps the driveway wide by blowing snow right up against each side.  It's a lot of work but it sure makes it easier to come and go.

February Break

I just had a week off from school. The week of Presidents' Day is school vacation for Maine students. When we first moved to Maine it seemed strange for schools to have another week off so close to Christmas vacation, but once I had kids in school I could appreciate the time off.  This was not a thing when I was growing up in Maryland.  I think they do it here because some people want to go skiing and others want to go where it's warm, but I don't know that for sure.  We just enjoyed the break in the routine when the kids were little.

I made the most of the week.  Hair cut.  Teeth cleaned.  Reading.  Sewing.  Movies. Massage.  Shopping.  Sleeping.

Of course we got more snow, so that was a good excuse to stay home for two days, which was lovely.  I've always enjoyed time at home.  These days I appreciate that time even more.

There was time to send emails, make phone calls, and write letters.

There were things I intended to do that didn't get done.  I still haven't sent Christmas cards out, for a variety of reasons, so I'm thinking I might send out looking-toward-spring cards. 

I didn't post here either, though I have taken some photos of the snow to share tomorrow.  I was waiting for something interesting or exciting to happen, but the week passed fairly quietly.  I didn't win the lottery, which was disappointing, but there's always next time.

I'll be back....

By Feet And Inches

As promised it snowed on Groundhog Day - more than a foot.  That made for snow day #4 with a late start for schools the next day in hopes that roads could be cleared and people would be able to get out.  For the most part it worked and we had a clear day that Wednesday.  Snow throughout the day on Thursday delivered another five inches and made for the most treacherous roads so far this winter, but with no time off everyone made the best of it and left plenty of time to travel.  We had two days to shovel out before snow arrived again this past Sunday morning and continued right through Monday evening, topping off with another fresh six inches.

For those of you keeping count, in central Maine we have had over five feet of snow since January 1.

Ken cleared away a few inches Sunday evening before he headed out of town for the week.  He called yesterday and offered to come home but I said I would be okay.  I took a personal day today and had a lot to do, but I decided if I had trouble I would figure something out.  As it was I got out of the driveway alright but got stuck trying to make it back up the hill.  Somehow I managed to back down [after a lot of back and forth] and went about shoveling my tire tracks and putting down sand.  It worked!  I made it into the garage.  I will make it out in the morning and not worry about the trip back up the hill until I get home.

Aside from the weather, this year got off to a tough start.  It really has been a day-to-day slog.  There have been few bright spots.

Luckily, the last few days have seen a bit of an upturn.  Friday evening Ken prepared a lovely meal and our daughter joined us for a relaxed visit.  A friend took me to the movies on Saturday.  My mom sent me chocolates and last evening I had a nice chat with her on the phone.

Today I considered going shopping and getting my hair cut short.  I did neither.  Instead I turned in the paperwork necessary to refinance the house [further cutting our interest rate so that it is now almost half of what it was when we bought the house in 2007] and changed long distance companies [someone from some department at CREDO finally called me about the email and letter I sent to say how thoroughly dissatisfied I was with their customer service; she not once apologized or offered any form of compensation but said over and over how this sort of thing never happens; well it happened to me and not only do I feel better now but I will save over 50% on my long distance bill by changing companies].

Today was productive and uplifting as well.  I received the perfect cards from my two oldest friends, both across the country and valued beyond words for their friendship.  I received a bonus phone call from my friend in New Mexico, who sees right into my heart and says exactly the right thing.  Then my sister surprised me with a phone call from Scotland.  The day topped off with phone calls from my son in Boston and Ken in New Hampshire.

Happy Birthday to me.  I am going to count today as a fresh start to the year.

Under The Weather

Seven days.  Three snowstorms.  Thirty-six inches of snow.  Three snow days.

That describes the last week of January.

It was the snow days that made it possible for me to make it through the week.  I was able to muster the energy to work Monday and Thursday, but I don't know how many other days I would have made it to school.  I have been sick with sinus pressure, headache, stuffy head, sore throat, swollen glands, cough, and runny nose.  The symptoms keep cycling through so that just as I think I'm getting better something else pops up.  Other than some wooziness this morning, I felt better today.  Maybe whatever this was meant for me to ease out of January. 

I took it slow but still managed to keep up with laundry, make a dozen new cloth napkins, reserve places for my daughter and me at a quilting retreat in August, order new artwork for the bedroom, move furniture in the living room, and enjoy full hours at a time reading a new book.

There have been missteps, too.  My brain took a holiday yesterday - when I wasn't feeling any better I neglected to cancel plans with a friend and forgot to let my daughter know I wouldn't be coming by.  That's not like me.  I'm usually on top of schedules and make it a priority to keep commitments.  Those lapses are the downside of not feeling well and giving into that feeling.

An upside has been that I haven't been hungry.  Since the first of the year I have favored cookies, chips, and wine.  Being sick has broken that cycle, and I've been drinking less coffee, also a good thing.  It's a good time to start some new habits.

Fresh start today, the 1st of February.  It was sunny and the temperature got into the teens.  The Patriots won the Super Bowl.  A day like today could give a person hope...

Except that there are several inches of snow predicted for tomorrow. 

January Reprieve

It happened Monday ~ sunshine streamed through the windows and the temperature climbed into the thirties.  I was home for the day and had the opportunity to relish the light and warmth. 

The day was a glorious reprieve from the previous two weeks of frigid cold.  Two days the temperatures were so low that we had inside recess, and the other days registered in the high teens and low twenties with the wind chill, which makes for a cold forty-five minutes outside.

This week is warmer.  We haven't had a repeat of Monday's temps but it has made it into the twenties with no wind and the sun shining each day.  It also helps that I have a new coat.  I found the perfect knee-length parka at LLBean in December, but I refused to pay full price.  I figured if the coat was meant to be mine I would find it on sale after the holidays.  Last Friday, with the mercury down around zero, I found one coat in my size on deep clearance at the LLBean Outlet in Freeport.  With my new fleece-lined wool mittens and my boots with wool liners I am now toasty warm every day. 

Life is challenging enough without being cold.

I will admit that my feelings have been somewhat frozen since the first of the year, stalled in time.  Bit by bit there has been a thaw, and like frozen fingers that slowly warm there have been fresh pangs of pain, new twinges of realization.

It is in this context of weather and emotion that I have considered the choice of a word for 2015.  This is not a process I force and two years ago no word made itself clear. 

For 2011 the word "unafraid" was front and center.

In 2012 the word "possibility" presented itself and was the theme for the year.

Last year the word "release" was my guide.

Since the holidays, a few words have come to mind, words too passive for all that has already been said and done this year.  I need a strong word, a positive message for my heart and mind.  I want a word that signifies openness, light, and warmth.  I want a word that encompasses a healing heart, feelings other than sadness and anxiety, and new ways of thinking.

My word for 2015 is "freedom."  I knew I had made the right choice when I heard Janis Joplin on the car radio singing, "Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose."

It is also a word for all I have to gain.

Words

I love words.  The best part of my current job is that I talk with students about words, what they mean and how they are used, how they work together and how we use them to convey what we mean.

My love of words makes it all the more frustrating that I can't figure out how to put the right words together to write about what has happened.  There are too many feelings and too many things I can't say because it's not just about me.  I have my perspective and others have their perspective, and there are few specifics I can share that don't make it sound like I am pleading my case, which is the last thing I want to do.

I can say that the work I've done over the last several years has helped me stay present in emotional situations, able to keep the focus on myself and stay calm while I speak from my heart.  I have no regrets.

There is a plaque hanging next to my kitchen door that reads "Be wise, be kind, be true."  I have done the best I know how to do with the people I care about most.  I have been as kind as I can be, as helpful as I know how.  I have been true to my values, careful not to carry tales or put people in the middle of situations that are not of their making.

In the end I need to accept that people are who they tell me they are, that they feel the way they say they do.  I need to let go of the desire to be heard.  I can't make people like me or want to spend time with me. 

It hurts.  Time helps.

The journey continues....

Packing Away Christmas

I finished taking down the tree today.  I put it up December 15, which is early for our house.  I wanted the house ready when family arrived the weekend before Christmas, and that meant weeks of clearing and cleaning and making ready to get the tree up by mid-December.

Today I finished packing away ornaments and rolling up strings of lights.  There weren't many other decorations this year.  We needed space for gathering and eating and sleeping and enjoying the baby.

For the first time in many years there was a baby in the house this holiday season.  What a joy it was!  Every day my grandson was a delight from the time he woke up until the time he went to bed.  His birthday was three days before Christmas, which added to the magic of his time here.  He played with toys that belonged to the generation before him and was delighted with all of his own gifts.  His love of helium-filled mylar balloons prompted all of us to cheer and clap.

This light of my life sat in the high chair while I worked in the kitchen, and we "chatted" and compared notes the entire time.  I showed him how to smell cinnamon and vanilla.  He snacked on Chex cereal while I made cookies and bits of bread when I made French toast.

My grandson and his parents left Sunday for another week in Boston.  They will be back for a brief time this coming weekend.  I don't know when I will see him after that.  I hear second-hand that there are changes afoot in his travel plans in the coming months, so I need to ask about plans and schedules.

So Christmas is packed away for another year.  Who knows what next year will look like.  I know that I am grateful for the time I had with family this year.

And tonight is the eve of a new year....

I have been preoccupied this week with a post written by Carolynn at A Glowing Ember about her choice of a word for 2014.  I wracked my brain but could not remember the word I chose for this year or, to be more precise, the word that chose me.  This afternoon I went into my archives to look and then I remembered.  The word stayed with me for months; I wrote about it in my journal and worked with it until it was literally worn out.  The word was "release."

It sounds harsh, but the word did its job.  By mid-year I had let go of just about everything.  I have heard over the years that life is easier if you "let go" but I have not found that to be true.  Nothing has been easy this year, not my relationships or my marriage or my job or my everyday life.  Not one thing has been easy....

Except my love for my grandson. That is easy and natural and true.

And that I will hold onto forever.