Like A Fever

It started with setting up accounts online. One thing led to another, and by Monday evening Ken and I were having a conversation about our financial picture. We review our budget once a year; the class I am taking pushed the conversation ahead a few months. It takes time to gather the account folders, organize the statements, and update the figures. If I needed to go through the process for my business plan it made sense to share the numbers with Ken.

For the first time we have an end-date.

At this point in our lives, there are only so many earning years left for us.

The plan was for me to graduate in 2007, get a full-time job with a modest salary, and use my income to pay off the mortgage before Ken retired.

Things haven't happened that way. We need to evaluate where we are and adjust our plans.

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Yesterday in class we covered a lot of ground.

To continue what we started last week, we worked individually and in small groups to refine the mission statement for our business and an explanation of what our business is about.

The subject of marketing was introduced, the first of three classes on the topic. We worked during class to describe our product, define our target customer, and pinpoint the competition.

There was time to write and time to share ideas with classmates. It is eye-opening to hear a person's first impression about an aspect of your product. It's helpful to get a fresh perspective. It takes time and thought to integrate all you hear and learn.

Finished drafts are due next week, a paragraph each for the mission statement, business description, product details, target customer, and competition.

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After class I had errands to run.

My first stop was Sam's Club. I had a dozen items to pick up. I made my way to the check-out, where someone directed me to the register at the photo counter. That sounded like a good idea, until I got over there and realized that I had to unload my cart so the items could be scanned and then put every item back in the cart myself because of the way the counter is designed.

I could feel the frustration building.

Out at the car, I had to unload and load again and remembered I would have to do it again when I got home.

It was too much. Ordinarily it wouldn't have been, but yesterday it was too much.

I was tired. I was frustrated. I wasn't where I wanted to be, nowhere near what I wanted to be.

The tears started to roll, unbidden and unwanted.

I got home to an empty house and knew I needed something to do with my evening. I started rearranging furniture, a good default activity that requires movement and focus.

I was tired and didn't finish what I started. It was after midnight when I got to sleep.

I woke up at 6:30 this morning to an unfamiliar clicking sound. The heat was running. I had slept for six hours, a good run these days.

I felt better. Nothing had changed. The frustration had run its course, like a fever.

Life goes on.