I looked up the word "frumpy" to make sure it means what I think it means. It does.
I feel frumpy.
I have lots to do and it will get done. But none of it gets me any closer to my goal of doing things differently, of creating new patterns for my life. I am in a rut of doing what feels familiar.
This is no one's fault but my own. I am angry with myself, but I am short-tempered with the person closest to me, my husband. I owe him an apology. It's not his fault he has the life I want. He works hard and deserves to be happy. He likes his job; he loves his family; he's a happy guy.
I have the same home and the same family, which makes me happy, too.
I am lacking the "something to do" that makes me feel like I have a purpose. I am at the midpoint in my life and have to change horses in midstream. It's up to me to find something to do with my life, and I resent that, which doesn't change a thing.
It does make it harder to move forward.
I feel like the toddler who cries, "I don't want to!" I want someone to take me by the hand to tell my why I should and help me over the rough parts. I want someone to stay with me and be my friend through the scary parts and reassure me that everything will be okay.
I am an adult and know better. I have handled life and death issues with more grace than I am handling this period in my life. I don't like myself very much right now, so it's hard to see why anyone else would like me or want to spend time with me. If I had a choice, I know I'd like some time away from me.
Yes, I feel a lot of things right now. Maybe it's best to just go with I feel frumpy.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
8 comments:
You made me laugh because I can picture you (even though I don't know you) with your hands crossed in front of your chest, you lips pursed out and your brow furrowed as you say these words you have written.
Even though it feels like you are miles and miles away from what it is you are wanting. . . you are really standing right next to it. But sometimes we are frumpy and you gotta feel what you feel in order to move past it into something better.
(would it help if I yanked your pig-tail ;)? )
I agree. Embrace your frumpiness today, roll around in it, dive into it, enjoy it!
As Scarlett O'Hara said: "Tomorrow is another day!"
Feeling frumpy would make me grumpy too....hope those creative juices get flowing and blast away the blues.
I wonder if visualization would help; seeing yourself in a setting where your talent and energy is being put to use might jump start the process!
Even when you're feeling frumpy, your writing shines!
Changing horses is not as easy as it sounds.
I hear you on the "frumpy".
I feel like that too sometimes, especially when I can't get outside and revel in the good weather. It's part of cabin fever, I think. Here's what I do to break out of the frumpy funk:
I try to do one small thing each day that makes me feel more attractive. Something like painting my nails a pretty color (maybe while I am watching a film or a TV show at home). Or leaving conditioner on my hair while I shower. Just something small that makes me feel like I am caring for myself. It helps!
I was reading these on dictionary.com 1. A girl or woman regarded as dull, plain, or unfashionable.
2. A person regarded as colorless and primly sedate.
I'm thinking that playing with your colorful quilting fabrics and getting lost in their colors might help you rediscover your own color...no thinking necessary...just dive in with heart and hands...be with your mood and engage with the fabrics...maybe something will shift after a few days?
I've been kind of feeling the same way of late...Like, what exactly is my purpose if I'm stuck in this uncooperative body? NOW what? Am I just being lazy?...unhelpful, unkind questions...so I have started playing with paper and paints...not thinking...I can't say it has erased these questions...but it releases me for a while when I'm engaged.
gentle steps (or angry ones if thats the kind that show up today)
Exercise always helps me, in the form of a long walk. Walking is so much more than physical, and I get a lot from it spiritually too. And hey, how about a girls' day out shopping excursion, with finding some spring clothes with those beautiful quilt colors in them to lift you up? And a pair of skinnies, too, with ballet flats ;)
Post a Comment