Foundation

My back is better.  Before my massage yesterday, Ruth and I talked at length about what has been going on in my life and with my body.  So many things are shifting that it makes sense that my body is reacting to the changes in breathing, thinking, and being.  At one point she had her hand on the bone at the base of my spine, which was incredibly sore, and I said, "There it is.  That is at the very core of what hurts."

I am unable to find a way to make sense of or put into words all the feelings and ideas that have come unleashed.  They have lived deep inside for so long that they have become part of my foundation.  I have worked for decades to unearth where it all began, layer by layer, brick by brick.  The knowledge comes not when I ask but when I am ready.  The process takes patience and unfolds in its own time.

This evening I picked up the poetry book of Danna Faulds titled Go In and In (2002, Morris Publishing).  Her words come as close to an explanation as I can find right now ~

Foundation Stones

Here is my past--
what I've been proud of,
and what I've pushed away.
Today I see how each piece
was needed, not a single
step wasted on the way.

Like a stone wall,
every rock resting
on what came before - 
no stone can be 
suspended in mid-air.

Foundation laid by every
act and omission,
each decision, even
those the mind would
label "big mistake."

The things I thought
were sins, these are as
necessary as successes,
each one resting on the 
surface of the last, stone
upon stone, the fit
particular, complete,
the rough, uneven
face of these rocks
makes surprising,
satisfying patterns
in the sunlight.