Sleep And Rain

Sleep. It felt awkward to write about my problems with sleep, but I am glad I did.

First, I feel better knowing that I am not the only one who has dealt with sleep issues. I honestly thought that post-menopause would bring better sleep, not worse.

Second, I am so far from what most of you have found that works that I am going in the opposite direction: late night desserts; a glass of wine with the thought that it will help me relax; no regular bedtime or get-up time; laying in bed fretting in the middle of the night; neglecting to buy another bottle of calcium/magnesium when I ran out; not trying any natural herbs that promote sleep; and not paying attention when I am tired. I didn't start doing all the unhelpful things at once, but one thing led to another which led to another and I didn't know how to get back on track.

Now I can make a fresh start. Thank you.

Rain. Pounding rain hit my area Wednesday night. I was actually on my way out to meet a friend when she called to say heavy rain was on its way and tornado warnings were up for the counties south of us. I battened down the hatches and watched it pour. I expected some damage to our newly planted hillside and newly laid steps, and there was. It could have been worse ~ we didn't get a tornado. But there are deep rivulets through the plants, where the roots are hanging on for dear life, and dirt and mulch to reclaim and put back where it belongs. I have a dozen new plants in my car that will, hopefully, hold more soil in place until everything settles in enough to stay put.

The song in my head this week is "Rain" by Patty Griffin. I have listened to this song many, many times over the past eight years but today I heard it in a way I've never heard it before. Some may hear it as a sad love song. Today I heard it as an internal plea for an open heart, a way to live I haven't lived before. There are things I have been unable to give myself, and now I want a chance to try again.

Rain
by Patty Griffin, from the album 1000 Kisses, 2002

It's hard to listen to a hard hard heart
Beating close to mine
Pounding up against the stone and steel
Walls that I won't climb
Sometimes a hurt is so deep deep deep
You think that you're gonna drown
Sometimes all I can do is weep weep weep
With all this rain falling down

Strange how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
But I'm holding on underneath this shroud
Rain

It's hard to know when to give up the fight
The things that you wanted that will never be right
It's never rained like it has tonight before
I don't want to beg you baby
For something maybe you could never give
I'm not looking for the rest of your life
I just want another chance to live

Strange how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
But I'm holding on underneath this shroud
Rain

Strange how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
But I'm still alive underneath this shroud
Rain