It's Not Personal

I was dubious about writing a book review, something I have not done before, but I wanted to help my online friend Cindy Hampel. When she asked me to write a review for her book I told her I would, while I knew if I didn’t want to recommend the book I would gracefully bow out.

Cindy sent me a copy of her book titled It’s Not Personal: Lessons I’ve Learned from Dealing with Difficult Behavior.* I opened the envelope and set the book aside, not sure how to begin. Then I decided I should begin reading at the beginning. That was a good idea because in the preface Cindy explains the basis for the book and how it came to be written. The book is a compilation of stories based on her personal experience and what she learned about how to deal with difficult people.

The book reads like a journal. Each chapter is a few pages long with a concise piece of advice at the end, such as this gem at the end of Chapter 1, “Difficult behavior is a window, not a mirror…so don’t take it personally.” I found myself nodding as I read. Many of the situations were familiar to ones I had experienced and the advice made sense to me.

Yet I wasn’t sure how to write a review. What could I say about someone’s writing where she shares stories and what she learned from each situation? How could I have an opinion about a body of work that is so personal?

Then my life got busy, and when I was about halfway through the book I set it aside for a few days. I had the opportunity to see friends, and I had conversations with different family members.

I was particularly frustrated after one conversation. I had tried to share an idea with someone who couldn’t see my point of view; I couldn’t make myself understood. Then I had the thought, it’s not personal. And that was exactly what it was: the person could only see what was in their interest and could not hear what I was trying to say. It was the first time I had been able to reflect on a conversation with this person and not wonder what I could have done differently. It wasn’t me. It wasn’t personal.

That’s when I knew I wanted to finish the book and write a post about the helpful, practical advice the book has to offer. Any relationship could be substituted for each situation that is described, and the gem of wisdom at the end of each chapter could relate to a variety of situations. This is a book that I will reference in the future to remind myself that it’s not personal when I find myself dealing with difficult behavior.

I recommend this book for anyone who would like to have a better understanding of difficult behavior and how to be more at ease in relationships with difficult people.


*Copyright 2011 by Cindy Hampel, Orange Sun Press, Royal Oak, MI.