Thursday, September 10, 2009

The Woman In The Mirror

Six months ago my life felt different than it does today. Some of what has changed belongs to me and some of it is due to circumstances. Twenty-six weeks, or one hundred eighty-two days, doesn't sound like a lot of time, until I think about all the things that have changed ~

My youngest son has moved to Boston.

I knew this was likely, but it was six months ago that it became a reality. He decided to pursue a co-op experience in the big city, which meant he would live there year round. Most of his friends are there, as well as his volunteering and engineering activities, so it made sense that he would want to be there, too.

Today his room is home to my sewing machine, and there are curtains at the windows.

My oldest son has moved to the west coast.

I knew this was a possibility, but I had filed it in the "remote chance" folder in my mind. He proposed to his girlfriend in January, and six months ago we were making plans. There is going to be a wedding! There are venues to see and cakes to taste and colors to choose! Things fell into place quickly, and I sensed an undercurrent of activity. Wedding plans gave way to job interviews and moving arrangements.

Today I put his motorcycle on a moving van bound for Cal-i-forn-ia.

My daughter has started her third year of residency.

Six months ago she was headed out of state for her second month-long rotation "away" in her second year. There was flurry of activity at the residency as the next class of interns was granted admission and graduation loomed for the finishing third-years. Politics, problems with schedules, and feelings of being overwhelmed prevailed. Then it was time for the new third-year residents to take the reins. This is the year they prepare for life after residency, where the person and the profession merge.

Today she is making decisions, some shared and some still unspoken, about her future.

Within the last six months my children have taken flight ~ away, all of them, away from me.

The woman in my mirror looks familiar, which is strange because inside I feel not at all the same.

My story is changing, as tears cleanse and sadness fades. Early-morning dreams and mid-day musings, when caught unaware, a glimmer of something new...then gone. Nothing left to hold onto but feelings that do not fit and patterns that no longer work. So let go....

Grasping at air and gasping for breath, I am reaching for what will fill the place left empty.

There is space where there was none. There is room for what comes next.

The journey continues....

6 comments:

CaShThoMa said...

So much change; ever moving forward. It can be overwhelming but exciting to see what comes next. The feelings of emptiness are familiar to me too. This is an interesting time of life to be sure. What will the next 6 months bring? Keep writing!!!

Anonymous said...

It's exciting to watch grown children though. I enjoy seeing my two older girls make their way. So adult but sometimes the extreme youth peeks through like when the older one shyly admitted at her Dad's birthday dinner,

"I think I've met a boy."

I don't have the same empty nest feelings as they were grown and out in the world when I met their Dad, but I am still thrilled by the changes I see in them.

Anonymous said...

Hugs Sharon! Great post!

Elaine said...

The woman in the mirror is a wise woman, indeed. Thanks for sharing your beautiful and intimate thoughts.

Janice Lynne Lundy said...

I've always loved the thought that change was inevitable and growth is optional. So much change you are being invited to Sharon, and so much growth. I pray that your empty nest will provide comfort and inspiration in this new season of growth...

Kitty said...

This is a beautiful post.

There is space where there was none. There is room for what comes next. The journey continues....


Yes, yes and yes.

It really is amazing how much things can change in the space of so little time. These are amazing times, though, aren't they? Not always the most comfortable to experience, though. Of course, if they were more comfortable, maybe we wouldn't take the next steps that we need to take.