Things have felt out of sync all day, since I got up this morning. I had a lot to do and started laundry before I made coffee or fed the cat.
I needed to clean up the pine needles around the tree that Ken and I brought in last night. I went to sweep up the bulk of them before I got out the vacuum, when I discovered water still on the floor from when Ken watered the tree...and there's damage to the floor's finish in a couple places. I moved the tree and wiped up the water. I kicked myself for not double checking that the spill was cleaned up after Ken used the rag, or for not taking the pitcher from him and watering the tree myself, or for not waiting to bring the tree in tonight.
I realized right away that that was folly on my part. I can't go back and fix what's happened.
But that's often my first reaction, before I am even conscious of having a reaction. "If only" or "what if" or "why didn't I?" pop into my head as I think of what I could have done differently even if I had no part in creating the situation.
All week-end Ken asked when I wanted to bring in the tree. I was dragging my feet. This is early for us to put up the tree, but he says it would be nice to "decorate" for the cookie swap I am hosting on Thursday.
I say it doesn't feel like Christmas until the kids are home.
My older son will be home this coming week-end and split his time between here and Boston until Christmas Eve, when he will bring his younger brother home from Boston.
My daughter now celebrates Hanukkah and, while she will be sharing Christmas Eve and Day with us because that's our family time, will not be helping with the tree. We don't have all the details worked out for the melding of holidays. We will have to learn as we go.
It's a different kind of Christmas this year. We've never had to think about squeezing a visit into a few days or working around different beliefs. We are ready and willing to do both but have some things to figure out.
This is our new normal for the holidays, and that raises as many questions as how to fix the finish on the floor.
Well, we got the lights on the tree last night. That's good enough for now.
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8 comments:
I sense some restlessness. This is a challenging season to keep all the pieces in place. We tend to put a lot of pressure on ourselves to make things perfect (aka like "the old days) and you're so right to point out that there's often a "new normal". Here's hoping you take the time to enjoy the moments.
Speaking of new normal, even with both my boys married men now and living many states away, we almost always managed to have Christmas Eve with both them. This year, things got moved until the day after Xmas and if I let myself I start to feel really bad about being "last in line" after all the other, more important parents. But at least I'm still IN the line.
Oh, yes, a new normal. I am struggling with that one, too. My daughter (and my Christmas buddy, decorator, tree trimmer, etc.) is still away at college and I really miss her--I hate to say, for the very first time. The empty nest feels very empty. She has always been here at this time of year; this year, not. Still exams at school. So the tree stands untrimmed. The baking has been minimal. I realize now more than ever how much Christmas joy is about sharing the mirth. Sending holiday love to you for ease of mind and heart...We'll be breathing in acceptance together. :-)
It is challenging BUT exciting!!
Thinking up New ways to celebrate for yourself and for those that you love. Figuring out ways to get together and then making THE MOST of it all. That is a great blessing, truly, if you allow yourself to think in those terms instead of what you are missing.
Much love and peace to you as you come up with your New holiday Season!! woohoo!
~Dawn
Out of sorts, but love in the post and still in your heart. Maybe each of you could say or do a little ritual for the season, whether it's a reading or personal reflection on the meaning of Christmas or Hanukkah, or just gratitude.
May your holidays be warm and heartfelt.
It seems like you are going through a lot of what I'm going through -- what many empty nesters are going through -- during the holiday season. Because Christmas is such a family holiday, with all those tender connections, it's hard to endure the changes when our kids grow up and leave home. I'm right there with you.
Thanks so much for your comments on my "Christmas Grinch" post. We're on the same wave again ...
A new normal. It's interesting how normal does change throughout life, in so many ways. But still, the rituals and traditions call to us, and we feel those changes more during these times. I'd say to just keep things as simple as possible, lowkey, and enjoy the peace of the season with your loved ones still, but under new scenarios. A bit of the old, and a bit of the new.
I can relate to the stewing about the "what ifs" and "if onlies". That's been one of my strongest mental habits, and it is so self-destructive. When I catch myself doing it now, I remind myself "it's done, you can't do anything about it now" and that helps me to let go of it. More self-loving, more relaxed and less perfectionist.
And we do seem to be living in an extremely perfectionist time, don't we? I hadn't really realized that until recently. I thought it was just me.)
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