Twenty-four years ago this spring, at age 30, I was very sick. In general terms it could be called a nervous breakdown, a crisis of mental health that had been coming on for years and could no longer be contained. My family doctor wanted to hospitalize me. A psychiatrist wanted to prescribe lithium. I chose option #3, which was to start seeing a counselor on a regular basis.
It was hard work and things got worse before they got better. During the worst of it Ken got the job he has now. Almost immediately he had to start traveling for work and was often gone for days at a time.
My mother traveled 600 miles for a visit. She said she had never seen me like that and didn't know what to do to help. She stayed a week and then went home.
I had two young children to care for and a house to manage while I figured out how to remake the life I had into one I could live with. That year on mother's day I sobbed to Ken that if I didn't get better I knew I would lose my kids. I kept working to get well because of my family. I found a new way to live because my counselor convinced me I was worth the effort.
These memories flooded back to me last night....
This week I am finishing up a project.
Last week, over the course of three days, I worked thirty-four hours on a project. It was physically demanding and mentally challenging, but it's something I am good at and can do in less time than most people I know. I volunteered for the work because I had a good idea of what needed to be done. The results have been received fairly well, although everything isn't exactly what the person wanted. That's to be expected because I bring my own perspective and way of doing things.
I have a few loose ends to tie up this week. Then it's time for me to step back.
My memories from all those years ago reminded me that there is only so much others can do to help. People can step forward and offer assistance along the way, but the journey belongs to the individual. It makes each one of us who we are.
May we be safe as we find our way.
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10 comments:
Thanks for sharing these memories of a most difficult time in your life. You're so right....it's "step, step, step".
Best to you, Sharon!
I'm so glad you decided on counseling and that it helped you to help yourself. Everybody suffers in their own way, but we can help each other find the way out by sharing our stories. So thanks for sharing this.
And no two journeys are alike. So we do have our own unique perspectives we then bring to anything we do in life. Often that's what makes life so very interesting, seeing and experiencing others' perspectives.
Oh, the pressures we put on ourselves.
I sought the help of a counselor while I was going through my divorce. She was a lifesaver for me and I still send her a Christmas card every year. The good ones are worth their weight in platinum.
So very glad you persevered and found your way back onto solid ground. You ARE worth it.
Blessings,
Carolynn
Sharon,
Thank you for sharing this tender story. How far you have come! I celebrate your healing journey and know that this "new" leg you are on is just going to shine with brilliance, even though you are working very hard at it. It is a blessing to know you...
One of the definite advantages to aging is being able to look back in time and appreciate our resiliency. I'm so glad you took the steps you needed to take care of yourself then - and now. Wishing you peace and health.
Sharon, you are a woman of courage, and I always admire your strength and willingness to forge ahead. Many people will relate to your story, and I know you've inspired them as you've inspired me.
P.S. I am posting your O'Donohue poem later this morning, and credit you for sharing it at the end of the poem, with the reprint credit. Thank you again.
Hey ma'am. It can happen to anyone and does frequently- more than you can imagine. Sounds like you got through it under difficult circumstances. Kudos and hugs to you!
In many ways, counseling may be the most difficult route. But in the end, we find out more about who we are and what we need in order to thrive and sometimes, just survive for the moment. I so wish that more people would just admit that they need help and remove the stigma that comes with admitting that sometimes we are not able to figure it all out on our own. This very brave story touched my heart.
Thank you for sharing your story and your very wise observations about how we ultimately must allow those around us to travel their own journey. I came down with a chronic pain illness several years ago, and I had to let go of certain things. One of those things was trying to help those who didn't really want to change. We live and learn!
Thank you for stopping by my blog and leaving me such a lovely comment! I truly appreciate it.
Reading through your entries and this one brings tears to my eyes.
When I went through my divorce 30 years ago - I had a similar experience. I am so thankful that step by step and many prayers I found my way back home.
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