Well, happy anniversary to me. August 6, four years ago, was the last day of the last period I would ever have. It's one of those things you realize afterwards - you don't know it's your last period until it has gone by, and you don't know you're in menopause until it's a year later. Perimenopause is the time of transition before your last period. Menopause is the year after your last period. Postmenopause is what the experts call the rest of your life, although according to some websites they are trying to come up with a better label for what is, for many women, the longest span of a woman's lifetime.
Call it what you will, by any name it is a pause in what had become the monthly womanly routine. I have had other women envy me when I tell them I am in menopause. I think they feel that way because they're not here yet, and they do not realize the changes that are ahead for them.
Once I had a pregnancy, and my hormones straightened out, I didn't mind having a period every month. It came, it went, life went on. My body felt like I wanted it to feel and did what I wanted it to do. I lost weight when I wanted to, and I could control the shape of my body with exercise. I could sleep when I wanted to, and when I wanted to fool around with my husband I was always able to accommodate the desire to do so.
Perimenopause was a time of transition: emotional, stressful, and tiring, with hot flashes and night sweats. It was also a time when I had bursts of energy, started working in the yard, and took on projects I had been thinking about for years. Ironically, sex was the best it ever had been. It's hard to say when perimenopause started because periods didn't change until the last year and a half, when they were no longer regular and were heavier than anything I had ever experienced. Whew! I wound up in the stirrups for a biopsy because things were so out of whack. It was nothing serious, just my body gearing up for menopause.
Menopause slid by because I didn't yet realize I was done. Aside from not having periods, my body acted pretty much like it had been through perimenopause. Sex was still good. I was able to keep my figure with little effort. I did feel better emotionally, which was a plus. My youngest child was in high school and able to be independent, so I took a job I wanted that meant I wasn't home every evening.
Then two years out the wheels started to come off the bus, so to speak. The changes happened slowly and I didn't realize that I was permanently in the "change of life" until my skin was flaky, my hair was dry, sex hurt, and I felt anxious 24/7. This has not been a fun time.
I learned that I had the potential for belly fat, which was a revelation to me. The only time I'd ever had a belly was when I was pregnant. Enter crunches and awareness of eating.
I discovered tiny lines and long, black facial hair. Enter a variety of Olay miracle creams and electrolysis.
I found myself avoiding sex because my body didn't feel familiar to me and didn't respond the way it used to. Enter lubricant, acupuncture, herbs, progesterone cream, and estrogen cream if I can find one I'm not allergic to. This whole area is still a work in progress. I'm not giving up, but it's a hard thing to talk about.
Which brings me to the point about how isolating this time of life is. When a girl starts her period, it's all "you're a woman now" and trips to the drug store. When a woman gets pregnant, it's all "congratulations" and preparation for the baby. When a woman enters menopause, it's hard to find someone in the same place: some women aren't there yet, some women are taking hormones, some women sailed right through, and some women don't want to talk about it. So you read the books, watch The Oprah Show, and check out websites.
And I wait, hoping that "this too shall pass." It has been a long four years. I wasn't ready for menopause at 48, and I'm not ready to throw in the towel at 52. I know this change and all the other changes in my life go hand in hand. Maybe when the rest of my life finds its center, my body will follow suit and I will begin to feel like "me" again.
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10 comments:
Thanks for clearly describing the ebb and flow (so to speak) of changes that take place in our bodies at this stage. I'm at the beginning of this process and have always wondered about it. Sharing like yours helps to make it a less isolating experience. Thanks.
Elaine
wisewomencoffeechat.com
Really, you did articulate this process so clearly. And, I don't think we really talk about it that much.
I share so much of that experience, especially the sex part. As a single woman, it's doubly hard since dealing with pain and dryness are not exactly helpful in building intimacy in new relationships...
Thanks for sharing so openly and honestly...
I can SO relate and am really glad I was out surfin' and found your blog.
I hope you don't mind if I visit now and again.
..Karen
I have been in the perimenopause stage since my first husband died two and a half years ago. I don't know if they are related but aside from the shortening periods I haven't had many symptoms.
I for one will not miss my period. I had my daugther after IVF so I went for nearly three years without a period between IVF and breastfeeding. It was wonderful after a life time of endometrious, migraines and just pain.
I am having a time with the belly thing but I have always battled my weight and body, so what else is new?
I know this stage can go on for a while but can't get a definite time frame as a I am adopted and have no family history to go on.
Thanks for sharing your story.
Funny- I got that Sam Lamott thingie too! Just starting to read your blog and enjoying the familiar issues. I too am 52 and in post phase with so many unknowns and so much floundering. Thanks I'll be back!
Ah yes…the pause; the change.
Somewhere between age 39 & 40 I had symptoms that I knew meant I was in perimenopause. I broached the topic with my gynecologist, not because I wanted him to do anything, but so he could make a note in my chart for future reference. His response? "You can't be having menopausal symptoms, you're only 39." That was my last visit with him.
The symptoms continued – the hot flashes; waking at 3 a.m. for no reason and not being able to go back to sleep until 5:30-6:00…just about time to start my day; being annoyed by certain noises (Oh my gosh, food noises – slurping; a utensil scraping for the final minuscule morsel); anxiety in crowds; feeling that I could kill someone because they were annoying.
Two more tries and I found a gynecologist who empathized and helped me through my mid-forties. It is soooo important to have good medical support as well as girlfriend support during our life transitions! My doc's annual comment was, "What can we do to keep you tuned up for another year?" Low dose hormones did the trick for me — made me easier to live with, helped my sleep patterns, reduced anxiety, helped with libido. I was happy; the family was even happier. Hormones aren't for everyone, but for me they were life changing.
During my annual checkup in '03 I was surprised when told I was being scheduled for a vaginal ultrasound to investigate a small ovarian cyst. Never had symptoms; never knew it was there. Two days later the doctor's opinion was revised—it was a softball size mass that should be removed and blood was drawn for a CA125 (blood test for cancer; thank God it was negative). The next week I had a total hysterectomy to remove a grapefruit size mass that had originated on the uterus but had spread and attached itself to the ovaries and bladder. Voilá ~ instant menopause. And hormone replacement therapy.
Since my plunge into "the pause", and with the help of HRT, I feel great. Yes, I still battle the misplaced eyebrows (those nasty black hairs in odd places on my face), but I'm okay with my graying hair and my body shape. I am quite happy not to have periods or hot flashes and I'm ecstatic that I feel even tempered, and don't have problems in the sex department (well, I'm married to a guy who is 19 years my senior so that's not completely true – but that's for another blog on another day!).
No matter how or at what age we transition, one thing is certain – we will all hit menopause. Isn't it great that we can have dialogue and find support no matter our stage of transition? Thanks, Sharon, for providing space for dialogue and sharing.
Thanks to all of you who have stopped by. It's good to hear about your experiences. Our needs change, so it's important to know we have options.
Thanks for your blog. I think it's more helpful for me to hear about other women's first-hand experience instead of third-person descriptions and statistics.
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