Feedback

I have received the first official feedback on my product, the IntiMat®. The woman who made the comments is a seamstress. It is the highest compliment that she thinks the IntiMat® is "made with excellent craftwomanship." The other feedback I have received, from people who market-tested my product, extols the virtues of the IntiMat® from a user's point of view. I appreciate the time people have taken to use my product and share their thoughts. This feedback tells me that I am on the right track.
[My etsy shop is at http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=5700127. I invite you to visit.]

All morning I thought about why this feedback is so important to me. It matters. The last time someone had something to say to me about the job I was doing it was to tell me that I had too many ideas and I needed to stop making suggestions. Yeah, I still have a hard time wrapping my mind around that one, too. It looked like the perfect job for me....

In the spring of 2007 I was in my last semester of school for an MSW. I was taking four classes and working 20 hours a week at a non-paid internship. We had just moved, so life was busy and the timing wasn't good to take on another, albeit paying, job. But the position was just what I wanted: work, half-time, as a project manager and policy analyst. I was so excited! The first project was to work with principals from all over the state to update school policies around alcohol and substance abuse. As a teacher and a parent, I knew many of the issues. I also knew how important it was to include teachers and parents in the development of policy since they were often the ones left to explain and enforce the policy.

I started in with great gusto. The organization I worked for was a non-profit that relied on grants from other sources. I thought my first meeting with the representative of the funder of the project went well. The next day my supervisor informed me that she had gotten a call about the meeting; the word was that I had too many ideas and came on too strong. I relayed to her exactly what I said, and she agreed that that was my job. I asked her if she was going to back me up, but she said there wasn't anything she could do because we relied on the funder for more than this project. I backed off and did the very things I shouldn't have done - I lost my voice and gave away my power. I believed everything that was said about me. I went quiet, just like a submarine in enemy waters.

Looking back, I know I was too exhausted to handle the situation the way I would have under different circumstances. My mind went blank and I forgot everything I know about how to compromise, collaborate, and create solutions. I found myself weighing every word I said and stopped sharing ideas based on my experience and education. I watched while meetings were mismanaged and opportunities to work with stakeholders were lost. I gave up.

Then my mother had a stroke, and I took time off to be with her. That is when I decided I needed to quit the job and find the me I had lost. When I resigned, I took responsibility for how I handled the situation. Once I left, the job was restructured to research/project "assistant" and someone with less experience was hired.

That experience is why the positive feedback about my product is so important. It matters to me that my work meets my standards for excellence, and it feels good to have someone else recognize that, too.