Beauties Among The Boulders

There is much to do to tame our property, with the goal to honor the natural, woodsy setting. This week I took photos of two small, low to the ground, surprise finds. Both are native to our spot in the woods.

The first is a jack-in-the-pulpit, which you have to look carefully to find among the ferns ~

The second is a lady slipper, which appeared in clay soil amidst rocks, sticks, and leaves. As far as I can tell from the sources I found, this particular color is not rare or protected ~

With surprises such as these, I have renewed energy to continue with the work that needs to be done.

Vote For Me

When my daughter heard I was running for the town's select board, she bought me this "Candidate in a Box" campaign kit~
We had a good laugh and didn't think too much about it.

When I took out papers to run for the position of select person and went door to door to collect signatures, I was the only person to go to through the process to have my name on the ballot June 9.

This week I learned that a small group of townspeople are running a covert write-in campaign to have voters choose another candidate by writing that person's name on ballots. The rules are that if a write-in candidate gets the most votes, that person wins the election.

The problem with this is the word "covert." It's one of those things that people hear about through rumors and gossip. It's hard to know exactly who or how many are involved.

The good news is that it doesn't look like the intention is a personal attack on me.

The bad news is that it does look like this small group is working undercover to derail an effort to update land use ordinances that has been underway for two years and has involved committee work, public hearings, and compromise.

Originally I wanted to get involved in my community by running for local office and filling a position that it looked like no one else would step forward to fill.

Instead I am caught up in a campaign with an unseen opponent, a campaign that I didn't expect or plan for.

People are helping me with the creation of information about myself, phone calls, letters to the editor, and generally getting out the word. Tomorrow morning, at the recycling barn, a friend and I will hand out post cards that explain who I am.

In the meantime, because I am facing an unknown opponent and I have no idea to what lengths they will go, I have pulled many of my posts from this site. They are "saved in draft" and will reappear when the dust settles. I don't like feeling vulnerable. As honest as I have been in the past year, I do not want to leave myself open to the judgment of strangers if by chance they find me online.

My daughter joked that if someone googles my name the first thing that comes up is a famous porn star. That's not me, but everything on this blog is.

The election is in ten days. Wish me luck with my campaign....

Keeping Time

Finally. After two years and ten months of trips back and forth to the clockmaker's shop, this clock appears to be keeping time ~

We made the trip to Camden last August to take both of our antique clocks back in to be worked on. We explained in great detail what each clock was doing. I left an outlined list so the information wouldn't be forgotten. I spoke specifically with the clockmaker and learned that his adult daughter had started working in the shop with him. I asked that they allow both clocks to run for at least four weeks after repairs to see if the problems were fixed.

We returned to collect our clocks in late December. We were reassured that both clocks were running properly.

At home we set the time and started each clock. Uh oh. The door on the front of the Ansonia, pictured above, would not click closed. The movement was positioned too far forward and the pin that holds the hands was hitting the glass door. We started it anyway to see if it would keep time. That clock has been keeping the correct time and chime schedule.

The other clock, a Seth Thomas tambor-style mantel clock, kept time and chimes for two weeks. Then the chimes went astray, completely forgetting that they were part of a team, and developed a routine that followed no rhyme or reason.

I called the clockmaker. I spoke to his daughter. The work on the clocks continues to be guaranteed, which is why we repeatedly travel the distance to have them worked on. Bring them in when you can, she said. I want the door on the Ansonia fixed so I can bring it home with me, I said, so I will call ahead and come when your father can look at it and I will, again, leave the Seth Thomas for adjustment.

So two weeks ago I made the trek to the clockmaker's shop. The daughter did not see the problem with the door, but the clockmaker did. He fixed the Ansonia while I waited. I explained in detail, again, the problem with the Seth Thomas. He said that sometimes these things happen.

Then I asked him if he ever met clockmakers from other parts of the country. It had occurred to me that maybe he met my father years ago. He said no, that he meets colleagues from Maine but rarely from elsewhere. I explained that my father was an amateur clockmaker who kept both clocks in good repair until he died, but he didn't recognize my father's name. We've had trouble with the clocks since we moved, and I joked that the thought crossed my mind that the karma in the house wasn't good for the clocks. The clockmaker said that's not the first time he's heard that.

In any event, he will set the Seth Thomas, keep it wound, and watch it for the next few weeks.

I continue to wonder why the simple task of getting two clocks to work has turned into such a monumental undertaking. I wonder what the lesson is and who is supposed to learn it. I lose my patience and put the problem away for a time. Then I have the thought that I need to follow up and see this project through. For some reason the issue is not resolved, the case is not closed. I review the details and evaluate the process. I ask questions and listen for answers. Something is not finished.

At this moment one clock is keeping time and chiming on cue. Maybe if I put it down in words it will remain to be true. Knock wood and fingers crossed....

It Was A Long Week-End

It actually felt like spring for the last three days. The trees have new leaves, and the light has changed. More than once I caught myself staring out the window, watching the sun shine through the green.

I haven't been anywhere in three days. When the week-end started I didn't intend to stay put. I had lots of things to tend to around the house, things that have needed doing for months that I haven't felt like doing. Once I got started, it was easier to keep going.

It's been quiet. I talked to P in Boston and got emails from my daughter, but other than that it's been just Ken and me all week-end.

We cooked good food and watched good movies. It feels like we got caught up with each other. We sometimes need time to be together without plans and expectations. This week-end there wasn't one thing that had to be done.

And that meant my focus could be elsewhere, or nowhere. Things have shifted, ever so slightly. I'm not sure what has changed, or why. I have some new ideas and new energy to think about them.

It will be interesting to see what tomorrow brings.

Leo Wants Out

Outside that is. Leo loves to go outdoors. We started taking him out when we had something to do in the yard, but he has gotten more adventurous with each outing and no longer stays close to the house. There is too much wildlife around to leave him to his own devices, so we only take him out when we can keep a close eye on him. That is not often enough for Leo. He tried sitting on the window sill, but it just wasn't the same as being outside ~

He figured out how to use a nearby chair to get on a table near the door ~

but he can't figure out how to work the doorknob ~

So for now he will have to settle for looking longingly out the window ~

Post Plant Sale

The plant sale was a huge success. I don't have any numbers yet, but I heard this year's sale had the largest number of plants in 36 years. Just before the doors opened on Saturday I snapped this photo of geraniums sitting under a window~

The bagpiper, who entertained those waiting outside, led the line of people into the hall~

In an effort to clean up our "yard" so we can someday plant, Ken has been periodically burning brush in our fire pit in the front~

I was feeling optimistic, so I bought violets and daisies to plant on either side of the steps to the deck and a ground cover called Emerald Gaiety for the slope beside the walkway~

Plant Sale

Thank you, friends, for your support.
It means more than I can say.
It helps to stay busy. In January my book club friends invited me to join the Friends of the Library committee. Several weeks ago I made a commitment to help with the library plant sale, the proceeds of which provide half of the operating budget. This is the 36th year of the sale, and I had heard that it was a big event. I had no idea how big. In mid-April women started digging up and potting perennials intended for the sale, which is held in the town hall. Three days before the sale the potted plants are brought to town hall in trucks and trailers. One truckload ~


after another~

after another is delivered to town hall as trucks make repeated trips to local gardens ~

The side yard is designated for trees, bushes, and shrubs ~

while plants of all kinds fill long tables inside ~

along the back wall ~

and along both side walls ~

The whole operation depends on many volunteers. Yesterday I unloaded trucks and trailers. Today I labeled and priced plants. Tomorrow I will help unload a delivery of vegetable plants and annuals from a local greenhouse. Before the Saturday sale an inventory is made so we know how many plants we have to start, and a count will be kept so we know how many are sold. Records are kept each year to plan for the next year. I have no doubt that the women in charge of this event could run a small country.

Wishin' And Hopin'

I wish I knew what I was doing. I feel pulled in so many directions because I don't know which effort will take me where I want to go. It would help if I had a clear idea about what the future holds. No matter how hard I try, the cloudy vision of the future refuses to clear.

I keep hoping that something will click into place.

I have signed up for another series of workshops. This time the topics are basic bookkeeping, financial planning, and marketing for women who have, or want to start, their own business.
Last night was basic bookkeeping methods that are easy to put in place and use. I like math and keeping records. The anxious moments come when I think about the things that I have no control over. I set those fears aside long enough to finish the class.

When I got home the disappointment I feel in myself washed over me. What have I done with my life? What am I doing now?

My life is full of loose ends, and it feels like there is no way to tie anything up neatly.

Someone in a post or a comment recently said, "Don't tell me what you're going to do; show me what you've done." That has been going through my head for days.

I have spent thirty years making a home and taking care of my family. That's what I have done. That job is finished. I did such a good job that my children are now taking care of themselves and living their own lives.

I didn't account for what comes next, for what I would do afterward. The days are filled with self-doubt and obstacles at every turn. The nights hold uneasy wakefulness and unsettling dreams.

More questions. No answers. Sadness is heavy. The tears flow easily. The core of peace is elusive.

Career Exploration Summary

The Career Exploration Workshops ended a few weeks ago. I have been gathering my thoughts about the process in hopes that some insight, some small kernel of wisdom, would emerge to give me a clue as to what to do next.

I had reasons to be optimistic. The workshops where we explored our personal values and interests gave me food for thought.

The third week we used laptops to visit a variety of sites that listed job openings. The good news for me was that I hadn't inadvertently left any rock unturned; the bad news was that I didn't find anything new.

I didn't attend the fourth week because the class was about education and training. Going back to school is my default position. At this point I need some experience before I return to the classroom as a student.

The final week was intended to give people time to set short-term and long-term goals. I felt like I knew more about what was important to me personally. However, the type of work I want to do is the same and how I go about finding a job is pretty much the same, too. It was hard to sit in a room where people were talking about going back to school because they now know what they want to do. I am past that point.

There was still one thing I wanted to do. The organization that sponsored the workshops celebrated thirty years in 2008. In honor of that milestone a brochure was printed that features the stories of thirty women who have participated in the programs offered. Many have gone on to start their own businesses. Some changed careers. Each story is unique to the individual as they found their way to do what they really want to do.

One story in particular caught my interest, and yesterday I had the opportunity to talk to a woman who is doing the type of work that interests me. Years ago, after she attended the Career Exploration Workshops, she thought she might like to do a different kind of work, and she had in mind the type of job she would like to have. A few months later that job was advertised in the local paper. She applied, got an interview, and was hired. Eleven years later she is an associate director in one of the divisions in the organization, and she loves the work.

Our conversation renewed my optimism that I will find a job when the time is right. We talked about how working with others, thinking outside the box, and understanding how to work within a system can be part of many different kinds of jobs. She mentioned how being an administrator entails all of those things, something that came up when I was exploring my interests. She gave me good advice about my cover letter and how to respond to questions during an interview. We talked about the benefit of having an open mind, a wide view, and patience.

I will continue my search for a job. In the meantime I will say "yes" when other opportunities present themselves. The journey continues....

Happiness Is...

I just walked two miles on the treadmill in 28 minutes! Making progress makes me happy.

As I said I would here, I read again What Happy People Know by Dan Baker. The book made a lot more sense to me the second time through because I was no longer looking for the secret to happiness. There is no magic formula, but there are things that people can learn to do.

Happy people know that life has ups and downs. They know the hard times won't last, or as Oprah says, trouble don't last always. People who are happy do not allow fear to derail their lives. They let go of the stories of the past to live in the present. Happy people talk to themselves in a positive way even when, especially when, they're having a hard time. People who are happy aren't always happy, and they give themselves a break when life isn't going exactly the way they want it to or thought it would.

On page 94 Baker writes about the lesson he learned from an 86-year-old woman whose positive attitude transcended what many would see as reasons for her to be unhappy. "From that day on, I realized that there was something happy people know that unhappy people don't: No matter what happens in life, there's always something left to love, and the love that remains is always stronger than anything that goes against it." I starred that page so I could find it again easily.

When I finished Baker's book this week, the memory of a picture book I had as a young child came to mind. I remember reading it with an older cousin who would help me with the words I didn't know. Yesterday I found the six-inch square, brightly colored book on the shelf with the poetry books. In Happiness Is A Warm Puppy, Charles Schulz identifies and illustrates simple joys of childhood with the Peanuts characters. It's an adorable book and lists many of the things that children love, from jumping in a pile of leaves to sleeping in your own bed. I realize all these years later that many of the things mentioned in the book still make me happy.

Happy people know how to appreciate the simple things in life.

Coming And Going

My daughter is home from New Hampshire. She is exhausted, and life is in a jumble. There are two months left in her second year of residency, but the finish line feels far off in this marathon. There is little I can do to help. I can remind her, as Christopher Robin said to Pooh, "You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." I would add, your life is a miracle, and you are a gift to your patients. Hold tight to the dream, ask for help when you need it, and remember to breathe.

As one arrives, another one departs....

My youngest son has returned to Boston to start summer classes. He had less than two weeks between semester finals and the start of the summer session, which is required this year and next so he can get all the classes he needs. Northeastern is known for their co-op requirements, which in his case is three six-month paid internships in his field of civil engineering.

Last year he was able to find a co-op in Maine that started in May and ran through December. I enjoyed him being home because I knew he would probably look for a position in Boston this year. The job he secured starts July 1 with a firm in Boston that specializes in bridges, which is a particular interest of his. He did well to get everything lined up as early as he did. It will be a good experience.

I will savor the times I see my children this spring and summer. As time goes on, their lives will only get busier as commitments pull them in different directions.

Daffodils

When we bought our house two years ago, the man who built the house asked me if I had seen the flowers in the yard. He was very proud of the daffodil and tulip bulbs he had planted. The daffodils sit along a rock wall near the edge of the property ~

and are hard to see from any distance~

although they are beautiful up close ~

Yesterday I cleaned out the area near the front steps. There is a rhododendron bush that doesn't bloom, tulip leaves without buds, and lupin that did bloom last year. Leo is checking out all the earthy smells ~

I woke up this morning thinking about all the work that needs to be done on our property, which can hardly be called a yard at this point. When I read the posts of women who have beautiful gardens I wish I was there already. Last night I asked Ken if we can spend Saturday working to clear away more fallen limbs and brush. He sighed and said yes. It is a huge job, and it feels overwhelming. We need to break it into what we can do one day at a time. Somewhere down the line we will begin to see improvement. When Ken came home last evening he noticed that I had raked a section near the driveway and front stairs. That's a start.