One foot in front of the other. Cleaning. Clearing. Rearranging. Rethinking my role in my family and my life. Asking. Waiting. Listening. Then yesterday I had an aha moment....
One of the blogs I read regularly belongs to Cindy La Ferle. She has also started writing for the Michigan Women's Forum online in a column called Middle of the Road. Yesterday I read her first post, and I was struck with her words "...the second half of life offers the freedom to choose again -- to polish, edit, refine and reconsider." The freedom - not out of my control but with self-determination. To choose again - not to undo but to make an alternative decision. To polish, edit, refine and reconsider - not to regret or lament but to enhance, adapt, rethink and process. What a positive perspective to take about this time in my life, to see the potential and possibilities - not what I will be missing or giving up.
I am more than the errands I run, the arrangements I make, and the appointments I keep. I am more than support staff for the rest of my family. My husband and children have the life I want: challenging, with support from home and room to grow; independent, with time for family and friends; productive, with something to show for the effort spent.
I have spent twenty-eight years being the parent I always wanted. There was a time when that was appropriate. Now my children are grown and can tell me what they want and ask for what they need. Each of my children, in their own way, has told me that I have done my job and they are fine now. They want room to make their own decisions and mistakes.
I can choose again - I can make choices that suit the life I want to have now.
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2 comments:
Indeed, its about the attitude that you now have the opportunity to do whatever you want to do...
a tricky concept to those not used to it. I saw this on gma the other day and thought of you, having "retired" from full-time mom duty, it might be applicable in some respects. Check out this network they speak of, it may be helpful?!?
http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/Story?id=5171916&page=1
Good point, K. I was forced into retirement at 50! I hadn't thought about it that way. I checked out the link - helpful tips there. Second career, here I come.
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