I have been breathing deeply and moving slowly. My sore ribs and pounding heart are taking a long time to heal.
My sorrow is deep, for the loss of innocent lives and for the families of Newtown whose lives will never be the same. The tears come when I least expect them.
The words that run through my mind are
There are no stars tonight, only tears that fall.
I have searched for a reference to a poem or song that contains the phrase but have found none.
This morning I lit candles while I mixed cookie dough. I have so much to be grateful for while families have lost the light of their lives.
Breathing deeply and moving slowly....
Then I put on the first music I have listened to in days, my newest favorite CD The Calling by Mary Chapin Carpenter. I played it so often when my son was home that he asked me if I had it on repeat. There in the last song are not the exact words I have been looking for, but I did find the words of hope for light after the darkness ~
Bright Morning Star
Last night I dreamed my head was in a fever
Last night I dreamed it never was so far
To reach a shore of safety and redemption
And to gaze upon a bright morning star
I dreamed I was by friends all but abandoned
I dreamed I was alone but for my scars
And blinded by the tears that fell like water
No more to see my bright morning star
The streets of dreams never looked this lonely
The streets of dreams never felt this hard
I heard my voice barely of a whisper
As the clouds denied a bright morning star
Sometimes this life is no more than a moment
And sometimes the light is lost unto the dark
But courage hears the sound of dawn approaching
And each our own bright morning star
I woke to find every window open
I woke to find the heavy door ajar
And I walked outside and stood upon the hilltop
And gazed once more on a bright morning star
I walked outside and every bird was singing
As I found again my bright morning star.
by Mary Chapin Carpenter, 2006.
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Hello December
My son has a job! He interviewed on November 19 with a structural engineering firm in Boston, and this past Friday he was offered the position. He starts work on Monday, the day before his 25th birthday.
I am so excited for him. I told him this morning that I envy him, just starting out with so much to look forward to.
Possibility.
This job is just the beginning. For the time being he will stay with friends in Newton. Soon he will have his own place. Then he will be off and running with all the excitement that a life in Boston holds.
On Saturday we will load up the car and take T back to the city he knows so well. Then Ken and I will drive to Nashua, NH for his company's Christmas party.
On Sunday we will finish Christmas shopping. Then it will be time to head home, just the two of us....
Thursday, November 29, 2012
My Heart
In the November issue of O Magazine, Martha Beck has a column titled "You're Doing Just Fine." She writes about that inner critic that we do battle with and need to oust permanently. Her solution is an Everybody Committee, which only helps if you have the right people on your Committee. The secret is to staff your Everybody Committee with people who accept you unconditionally. Then, as Martha says, "You [will] be supervised, all day every day, by people who forgive your errors and believe in your destiny."
As I read the article I made a mental list of the names of those I needed to kick off my Committee. It took more thought to create a list of replacement members.
Then it came to me. You, you who read here, are on my Everybody Committee. Your encouragement and support is what rings in my ears when I feel lost and unsure, when I question how I got where I am and what comes next. Your insights enlighten me, your faith in me fills my heart. I have chosen you as the mirror that reflects the "me" I can't see but most want to be.
For the past several days I have carried with me your positive comments on my last post. I awoke on Saturday with a soreness in the muscles in my chest. I had no symptoms of a heart attack, but the bruised feeling brought my awareness to my heart. I thought about how hard I have been on myself, frustrated and disappointed and sad. At night I went to bed worried and not feeling well. What helped me relax were kind words to myself modeled after the reflections of my Everybody Committee
I promised to take better care of myself.
Tuesday morning my heart started pounding when I sat up in bed. I dressed slowly and laid down on the couch with the heating pad. Hours later, when that hadn't helped, I called for a doctor's appointment. I asked what would feel best while I waited, and the answer was a hot shower and a movie with subtitles [Where Do We Go Now?, which I highly recommend].
Later, after two doctors, two EKGs, a chest xray, and many blood tests, my heart was pronounced healthy. However, my ribs are out of alignment and need attention.
My daughter gently insisted I take her massage appointment Wednesday morning. My massage therapist worked on my ribs, front and back, my shoulders, neck, and diaphragm for over an hour. We talked about images that came to mind: pliable ribs; a diaphragm that expands when I exhale and deflates when I inhale; loose shoulders; and a head gently perched on soft neck muscles.
I told her I have been hard on myself, and when she asked if I was done with that I said yes. I told her that scenes from the movie Under the Tuscan Sun came to mind: the dry faucet that eventually runs with water; the strangers that become family; the woman who grows into a life different than what she expected but exactly what she wanted. We talked about the challenge of living a luscious, juicy life full of what we want, not what we thought we had to accept.
Before Wednesday, when I imagined my heart, I thought of it protected by the surrounding ribs close by, rigid, and watchful. What if those ribs relaxed and spread out, my lungs had room to breathe, and my heart had room to open? What would that feel like?
The journey continues....
As I read the article I made a mental list of the names of those I needed to kick off my Committee. It took more thought to create a list of replacement members.
Then it came to me. You, you who read here, are on my Everybody Committee. Your encouragement and support is what rings in my ears when I feel lost and unsure, when I question how I got where I am and what comes next. Your insights enlighten me, your faith in me fills my heart. I have chosen you as the mirror that reflects the "me" I can't see but most want to be.
For the past several days I have carried with me your positive comments on my last post. I awoke on Saturday with a soreness in the muscles in my chest. I had no symptoms of a heart attack, but the bruised feeling brought my awareness to my heart. I thought about how hard I have been on myself, frustrated and disappointed and sad. At night I went to bed worried and not feeling well. What helped me relax were kind words to myself modeled after the reflections of my Everybody Committee
I promised to take better care of myself.
Tuesday morning my heart started pounding when I sat up in bed. I dressed slowly and laid down on the couch with the heating pad. Hours later, when that hadn't helped, I called for a doctor's appointment. I asked what would feel best while I waited, and the answer was a hot shower and a movie with subtitles [Where Do We Go Now?, which I highly recommend].
Later, after two doctors, two EKGs, a chest xray, and many blood tests, my heart was pronounced healthy. However, my ribs are out of alignment and need attention.
My daughter gently insisted I take her massage appointment Wednesday morning. My massage therapist worked on my ribs, front and back, my shoulders, neck, and diaphragm for over an hour. We talked about images that came to mind: pliable ribs; a diaphragm that expands when I exhale and deflates when I inhale; loose shoulders; and a head gently perched on soft neck muscles.
I told her I have been hard on myself, and when she asked if I was done with that I said yes. I told her that scenes from the movie Under the Tuscan Sun came to mind: the dry faucet that eventually runs with water; the strangers that become family; the woman who grows into a life different than what she expected but exactly what she wanted. We talked about the challenge of living a luscious, juicy life full of what we want, not what we thought we had to accept.
Before Wednesday, when I imagined my heart, I thought of it protected by the surrounding ribs close by, rigid, and watchful. What if those ribs relaxed and spread out, my lungs had room to breathe, and my heart had room to open? What would that feel like?
The journey continues....
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
My Gratitude
On Thursday Laura will post her Gratitude Quilt. I encourage you to visit her site, especially if you haven't seen the Quilt before. It is amazing.
I have contributed in years past. I didn't this year. I thought about it. I would close my eyes, take a deep breath, and think about what I am grateful for. Everything that comes to mind belongs to someone else: my kids are great, my husband loves his job, my friends check in when they don't hear from me, and so on. When I focused on what is mine, I see my car. I can say that here but I'm not going to share that with the world.
I continue to push forward like I always have. I exercise, meditate, practice lovingkindness, and make an effort to do things for others. I support and encourage family members and friends in their endeavors. Yet, I cannot gain any traction in getting where I want to be in the world.
I was thinking about this on Sunday while I made the bed. One more thing is not going to work out the way I thought it would. I let go of the expectation without a second thought. I questioned why I am able to do that. Am I hard hearted? I looked at that question objectively, not judging whether it was good or bad but wondering if that could be an explanation. Is that why I keep going?
Later in the day my daughter and I went shopping. She came back to the house for the evening, and after dinner she and I lingered over coffee at the table. We both follow bloggers who have children, and we regularly discuss the different ways people handle their experiences. My daughter has friends who have children, and she is seriously considering what it means to be a parent. She asked me how I did it. More specifically she wanted to know how I knew how to be a parent to her.
I thought for a moment. I was 23 when she was born. I was overwhelmed with joy at her birth, while at the same time I was heartbroken at the loss of her twin sister. I didn't know enough to know all the things that could go wrong. I didn't have time to be scared. I knew I had a tiny baby to care for, I was the person responsible for her life.
On Sunday I told her that she came first, that she survived and thrived were the most important things. I always wanted her to know she was loved no matter what. My sadness was mine and separate from her. My living daughter was my priority, as were her brothers when they were born. I would do what I needed to do for me on my own time. I never wanted my children to feel responsible for my feelings. I am the parent and it was my job to take care of them.
Then my daughter thanked me. She said she has always felt loved and accepted for who she is. She knew I was sad sometimes but never felt that it was her fault or that she had to take care of me. She watched me get better, and she thanked me for modeling how to work through problems.
I told her that I would have missed so much joy if I had done it any other way. I wanted to be present for every moment of my children's lives.
I asked her if she thought I was hard hearted. Sometimes I pushed my children to keep going, too. She said she always knew I cared, that I would be there for her no matter what.
I am grateful that I had this conversation with my daughter. This is what I will remember about Thanksgiving this year.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone. May your gratitude find you, too.
I have contributed in years past. I didn't this year. I thought about it. I would close my eyes, take a deep breath, and think about what I am grateful for. Everything that comes to mind belongs to someone else: my kids are great, my husband loves his job, my friends check in when they don't hear from me, and so on. When I focused on what is mine, I see my car. I can say that here but I'm not going to share that with the world.
I continue to push forward like I always have. I exercise, meditate, practice lovingkindness, and make an effort to do things for others. I support and encourage family members and friends in their endeavors. Yet, I cannot gain any traction in getting where I want to be in the world.
I was thinking about this on Sunday while I made the bed. One more thing is not going to work out the way I thought it would. I let go of the expectation without a second thought. I questioned why I am able to do that. Am I hard hearted? I looked at that question objectively, not judging whether it was good or bad but wondering if that could be an explanation. Is that why I keep going?
Later in the day my daughter and I went shopping. She came back to the house for the evening, and after dinner she and I lingered over coffee at the table. We both follow bloggers who have children, and we regularly discuss the different ways people handle their experiences. My daughter has friends who have children, and she is seriously considering what it means to be a parent. She asked me how I did it. More specifically she wanted to know how I knew how to be a parent to her.
I thought for a moment. I was 23 when she was born. I was overwhelmed with joy at her birth, while at the same time I was heartbroken at the loss of her twin sister. I didn't know enough to know all the things that could go wrong. I didn't have time to be scared. I knew I had a tiny baby to care for, I was the person responsible for her life.
On Sunday I told her that she came first, that she survived and thrived were the most important things. I always wanted her to know she was loved no matter what. My sadness was mine and separate from her. My living daughter was my priority, as were her brothers when they were born. I would do what I needed to do for me on my own time. I never wanted my children to feel responsible for my feelings. I am the parent and it was my job to take care of them.
Then my daughter thanked me. She said she has always felt loved and accepted for who she is. She knew I was sad sometimes but never felt that it was her fault or that she had to take care of me. She watched me get better, and she thanked me for modeling how to work through problems.
I told her that I would have missed so much joy if I had done it any other way. I wanted to be present for every moment of my children's lives.
I asked her if she thought I was hard hearted. Sometimes I pushed my children to keep going, too. She said she always knew I cared, that I would be there for her no matter what.
I am grateful that I had this conversation with my daughter. This is what I will remember about Thanksgiving this year.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone. May your gratitude find you, too.
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Reflections On An Election
I have spent the last two weeks immersed in coverage of the 2012 election. I gave myself over to it because it was on my mind every waking moment anyway. I wanted to know as much as I could about every aspect ~ the candidates, the issues, the polls, the analysis, and the predictions.
I love politics. I have had an interest since my earliest memory of knowing what the word meant. I see a connection between my life and politics at every level. I marvel at the changes in this country in my lifetime because of the people who have been elected and how they have worked for progress through leadership and legislation.
Anyone who said the 2012 election did not matter has not been paying attention.
Across the country there was much at stake ~ reproductive rights, health care, education, union rights, movement toward alternative energy and away from war, civil rights, jobs, our social safety net, fair and just immigration policy, the environment, diplomatic relations with other countries, and respect for differences within our own borders.
At one point on election night I realized I was holding my breath. I was able to breathe in deeply and exhale with relief at 11:15 p.m. when Ohio was called for President Barack Obama. As more results came in his margin of victory grew. The final tally was 332 electoral votes for President Obama, as well as a majority of the popular vote, which made him one of a handful of presidents in history to be re-elected with such numbers.
It was also a historic election for women who will serve in Congress: There will be 20 women in the Senate, sixteen Democrats and four Republicans, and there will be 80 women in the House, sixty Democrats and twenty Republicans.
Maine elected its first Independent Senator and was one of three states to pass a law for marriage equality by popular vote.
I have been basking in the election results for a week. I know that the political road ahead will be bumpy and that none of these numbers in any way promise that a consensus will be reached easily on any issue. I also know that we have to start somewhere. I am optimistic that we are in a good place to begin the work that needs to be done.
I love politics. I have had an interest since my earliest memory of knowing what the word meant. I see a connection between my life and politics at every level. I marvel at the changes in this country in my lifetime because of the people who have been elected and how they have worked for progress through leadership and legislation.
Anyone who said the 2012 election did not matter has not been paying attention.
Across the country there was much at stake ~ reproductive rights, health care, education, union rights, movement toward alternative energy and away from war, civil rights, jobs, our social safety net, fair and just immigration policy, the environment, diplomatic relations with other countries, and respect for differences within our own borders.
At one point on election night I realized I was holding my breath. I was able to breathe in deeply and exhale with relief at 11:15 p.m. when Ohio was called for President Barack Obama. As more results came in his margin of victory grew. The final tally was 332 electoral votes for President Obama, as well as a majority of the popular vote, which made him one of a handful of presidents in history to be re-elected with such numbers.
It was also a historic election for women who will serve in Congress: There will be 20 women in the Senate, sixteen Democrats and four Republicans, and there will be 80 women in the House, sixty Democrats and twenty Republicans.
Maine elected its first Independent Senator and was one of three states to pass a law for marriage equality by popular vote.
I have been basking in the election results for a week. I know that the political road ahead will be bumpy and that none of these numbers in any way promise that a consensus will be reached easily on any issue. I also know that we have to start somewhere. I am optimistic that we are in a good place to begin the work that needs to be done.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
All Quiet On The Home Front
Monday night we went to bed to the sound of wind whipping around the house. Earlier in the evening the lights flickered but we didn't lose power.
I woke up this morning to a wet deck, a yard covered in leaves, and the power still on. The internet was wonky and then out during a brief thunderstorm. We lost power for less than an hour this afternoon.
I waited for the other shoe to drop, sure that we hadn't seen the worst. Instead, the sun broke through the clouds while rain pelted every side of the house for about twenty minutes. I sipped coffee while I went from window to window, glad I'd left the screens in because they were getting a good cleaning.
We got lucky, and we know it.
The places that were hit with heavy rain and strong winds were hit hard. People and government in those states have a huge clean-up ahead and tough decisions to make if extreme weather is becoming the new normal.
I went to sleep last night praying for everyone I could name in the path of the storm. As far as I know my family and friends all made it through in good shape. I promised myself Eggo waffles for breakfast and time on the treadmill if I woke up with the power on. I savored every bite and enjoyed every step.
We go to bed grateful tonight that we are safe and sound.
I woke up this morning to a wet deck, a yard covered in leaves, and the power still on. The internet was wonky and then out during a brief thunderstorm. We lost power for less than an hour this afternoon.
I waited for the other shoe to drop, sure that we hadn't seen the worst. Instead, the sun broke through the clouds while rain pelted every side of the house for about twenty minutes. I sipped coffee while I went from window to window, glad I'd left the screens in because they were getting a good cleaning.
We got lucky, and we know it.
The places that were hit with heavy rain and strong winds were hit hard. People and government in those states have a huge clean-up ahead and tough decisions to make if extreme weather is becoming the new normal.
I went to sleep last night praying for everyone I could name in the path of the storm. As far as I know my family and friends all made it through in good shape. I promised myself Eggo waffles for breakfast and time on the treadmill if I woke up with the power on. I savored every bite and enjoyed every step.
We go to bed grateful tonight that we are safe and sound.
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Which Of These Things...
...is not like the others?
On Tuesday October 16 we had an earthquake. We were just finishing up dinner and the house started to shake. Whoa. Facebook immediately lit up with friends in New Hampshire, Vermont, and Boston reporting seismic activity. We learned later that it was rated 4.0, the strongest event felt here in 40 years. The ground quaked from New Jersey to Quebec City, apparently because the old, dense crust on our side of the continent allows the shock waves to travel long distances. Thankfully there was no major damage or loss of life reported.
Nine days after the earthquake I had an interview, and I use the term loosely. I was ushered into a room by a man, the principal I gathered, who spoke so quickly that I didn't catch his name. There was a woman sitting at the table who neither introduced herself or told me her position, though she did smile and tell me she had a cold. The principal fired questions at me, fidgeting in his chair, while the woman looked on. I asked a few questions and was told that I would hear the next day one way or the other. Beginning to end I was in the room for less than 20 minutes. True it was for a long-term sub position...but still! When he called the next day to tell me they hired someone who already worked within the school system I said that I guessed as much because the interview was rushed. When these places already know who they want to hire they need to refrain from plastering the state with news of an opening, which really doesn't exist, and advertise in-house so people within the system, who will be tapped for the job, can be the ones to apply. My son looks at me like "this is crazy" and I explain to him that this is life when you try to get a job these days in public education.
Today Ken made room in the garage for the car, which is now safely out of harm's way. We have battened down the hatches in preparation for impending hurricane Sandy. Maine is slated to get heavy rain starting tomorrow and wind gusts of 50-70 miles an hour Monday night. We have gas for the generator if we do lose power. Ken is working locally so he will be home tomorrow at a decent hour and not on the road. We can only do what we can do and keep a good thought for all of those in the path of the storm.
An earthquake, an interview, and a hurricane all within the span of 13 days. Sounds like a bad joke doesn't it? Maybe the interview fits in after all ~ no rhyme or reason on the timing and no way to predict the outcome beforehand. We have to prepare the best we can, wait out the event, and deal with the aftermath.
I am hopeful that this most recent storm will move through quickly and clear skies will soon return.
On Tuesday October 16 we had an earthquake. We were just finishing up dinner and the house started to shake. Whoa. Facebook immediately lit up with friends in New Hampshire, Vermont, and Boston reporting seismic activity. We learned later that it was rated 4.0, the strongest event felt here in 40 years. The ground quaked from New Jersey to Quebec City, apparently because the old, dense crust on our side of the continent allows the shock waves to travel long distances. Thankfully there was no major damage or loss of life reported.
Nine days after the earthquake I had an interview, and I use the term loosely. I was ushered into a room by a man, the principal I gathered, who spoke so quickly that I didn't catch his name. There was a woman sitting at the table who neither introduced herself or told me her position, though she did smile and tell me she had a cold. The principal fired questions at me, fidgeting in his chair, while the woman looked on. I asked a few questions and was told that I would hear the next day one way or the other. Beginning to end I was in the room for less than 20 minutes. True it was for a long-term sub position...but still! When he called the next day to tell me they hired someone who already worked within the school system I said that I guessed as much because the interview was rushed. When these places already know who they want to hire they need to refrain from plastering the state with news of an opening, which really doesn't exist, and advertise in-house so people within the system, who will be tapped for the job, can be the ones to apply. My son looks at me like "this is crazy" and I explain to him that this is life when you try to get a job these days in public education.
Today Ken made room in the garage for the car, which is now safely out of harm's way. We have battened down the hatches in preparation for impending hurricane Sandy. Maine is slated to get heavy rain starting tomorrow and wind gusts of 50-70 miles an hour Monday night. We have gas for the generator if we do lose power. Ken is working locally so he will be home tomorrow at a decent hour and not on the road. We can only do what we can do and keep a good thought for all of those in the path of the storm.
An earthquake, an interview, and a hurricane all within the span of 13 days. Sounds like a bad joke doesn't it? Maybe the interview fits in after all ~ no rhyme or reason on the timing and no way to predict the outcome beforehand. We have to prepare the best we can, wait out the event, and deal with the aftermath.
I am hopeful that this most recent storm will move through quickly and clear skies will soon return.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Hit "Send"
I frequently check a website called servingschools. All schools list all openings, from bus drivers to cooks to teachers to substitutes. It is where I get the information I need to apply for positions, and every once in a while there is something out of the ordinary posted. Six days ago just such an opportunity caught my eye, a senior associate position with a nonprofit organization that works with teachers, administrators, and other professionals throughout the state to create teaching and learning models for the 21st century.
Be still my heart. The thought that such a place might exist has kept alive for 18 years my hopes for education reform. The idea makes me giddy that this organization provides a forum for conversations, seminars, and support for implementation of changes in our schools.
The reality of submitting an application to this place that I only imagined made me nervous. Very.
I read and re-read the posting for the position. Yes, I could do the job. No, I don't have all the experience they ask for. Wait, I have the education...and that and that and that.... I shouldn't apply because there will be so many people who will. What do I have to lose? Why shouldn't I take a chance? Where do I begin?
I started working on my resume on Sunday. The ad calls for someone with varied teaching experiences. Those I have, but in most recent versions of my resume they have been lumped together in one entry. Time to separate jobs and list what each added to my experience. More is more in terms of all I've done. Less in more in the amount of space it takes to tell my story. I was determined to keep my resume to two pages.
I worked and reworked those two pages all day yesterday. If there is any chance that I might qualify I didn't want to leave anything out that might work in my favor. There is no way to know what might catch the attention of the person who reviews the resumes ~ it can be where I went to school or a place I taught or a name on my reference list.
Then there is the cover letter, which is a separate entity. There is no reason to duplicate the information in my resume. I believe the letter is the chance for someone who has never met me to get a glimpse into what is at the heart of why I want the position. Many drafts, and many hours, later three sentences construct the middle paragraph:
As usual I let my writing sit overnight. I made a few final tweaks this morning before I transformed the Word document into a PDF, something new I learned compliments of my youngest son. I attached the file to an email and hit "send."
That's a lot of time and energy invested into something that may not amount to anything, except that I now have a completely revised resume that will be appropriate for application to the next interesting position that may come available.
I was so intent on what I was doing that I didn't think twice about answering the phone at 9:15 a.m. with a cheery "Good morning." The woman was looking for me to ask me to schedule an interview for a long-term substitute position that I had guessed was already filled. Thursday at 10:30 a.m. it is.
So it's time for a haircut and a settling back down to earth. That's how it feels to face another interview for a teaching position. I will go and put my best foot forward because I don't know what's next. I can only dream....
Be still my heart. The thought that such a place might exist has kept alive for 18 years my hopes for education reform. The idea makes me giddy that this organization provides a forum for conversations, seminars, and support for implementation of changes in our schools.
The reality of submitting an application to this place that I only imagined made me nervous. Very.
I read and re-read the posting for the position. Yes, I could do the job. No, I don't have all the experience they ask for. Wait, I have the education...and that and that and that.... I shouldn't apply because there will be so many people who will. What do I have to lose? Why shouldn't I take a chance? Where do I begin?
I started working on my resume on Sunday. The ad calls for someone with varied teaching experiences. Those I have, but in most recent versions of my resume they have been lumped together in one entry. Time to separate jobs and list what each added to my experience. More is more in terms of all I've done. Less in more in the amount of space it takes to tell my story. I was determined to keep my resume to two pages.
I worked and reworked those two pages all day yesterday. If there is any chance that I might qualify I didn't want to leave anything out that might work in my favor. There is no way to know what might catch the attention of the person who reviews the resumes ~ it can be where I went to school or a place I taught or a name on my reference list.
Then there is the cover letter, which is a separate entity. There is no reason to duplicate the information in my resume. I believe the letter is the chance for someone who has never met me to get a glimpse into what is at the heart of why I want the position. Many drafts, and many hours, later three sentences construct the middle paragraph:
As a teacher I am an advocate for students. I returned to graduate school to earn a
degree in social work because I wanted a better understanding of how to work
within a system to create change, how to bring people into the process to
explore what is possible. People have insights
and ideas, and progress is made when people work together.
As usual I let my writing sit overnight. I made a few final tweaks this morning before I transformed the Word document into a PDF, something new I learned compliments of my youngest son. I attached the file to an email and hit "send."
That's a lot of time and energy invested into something that may not amount to anything, except that I now have a completely revised resume that will be appropriate for application to the next interesting position that may come available.
I was so intent on what I was doing that I didn't think twice about answering the phone at 9:15 a.m. with a cheery "Good morning." The woman was looking for me to ask me to schedule an interview for a long-term substitute position that I had guessed was already filled. Thursday at 10:30 a.m. it is.
So it's time for a haircut and a settling back down to earth. That's how it feels to face another interview for a teaching position. I will go and put my best foot forward because I don't know what's next. I can only dream....
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Autumn's Chill
I started something last Sunday with my fire building. Monday afternoon and again today Ken built a fire in the chiminea.
The air has cooled. The heat warms us.
We stop what we're doing. Pull up a chair. Sit a spell.
The days are long. From the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep I am aware of where I am, what I am doing, what I want for my life, what I can't accomplish regardless of my efforts, and how fortunate I am.
I have made the commitment to go for a walk or get on the treadmill every day, and I have walked every day for the last six days. Physical movement helps when I can't make any other sort of movement happen. My body can move when everything else stalls. My knees beg to bend, my arms long to swing. Thank goodness my body remembers what it needs even when my mind is tired.
A friend emailed Wednesday morning with the news of the death of a guy I dated the summer after high school. We were friends and that summer we wondered if there might be more to our relationship. There was. We really liked each other. He didn't want me to go away to college. I told him I had to leave to find out who I could be. We met and talked at Christmas, and he wanted me to stay. We still really liked each other but we couldn't be together apart. He went back to the life he'd always had, and I moved on. Thank goodness I knew I had to keep moving.
Even now I keep moving until the fire invites me to stop for just a bit. There will be time to move when the embers die down.
The air has cooled. The heat warms us.
We stop what we're doing. Pull up a chair. Sit a spell.
The days are long. From the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep I am aware of where I am, what I am doing, what I want for my life, what I can't accomplish regardless of my efforts, and how fortunate I am.
I have made the commitment to go for a walk or get on the treadmill every day, and I have walked every day for the last six days. Physical movement helps when I can't make any other sort of movement happen. My body can move when everything else stalls. My knees beg to bend, my arms long to swing. Thank goodness my body remembers what it needs even when my mind is tired.
A friend emailed Wednesday morning with the news of the death of a guy I dated the summer after high school. We were friends and that summer we wondered if there might be more to our relationship. There was. We really liked each other. He didn't want me to go away to college. I told him I had to leave to find out who I could be. We met and talked at Christmas, and he wanted me to stay. We still really liked each other but we couldn't be together apart. He went back to the life he'd always had, and I moved on. Thank goodness I knew I had to keep moving.
Even now I keep moving until the fire invites me to stop for just a bit. There will be time to move when the embers die down.
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Playing With Fire
Literally.
I built a fire in the chiminea this afternoon. It has been set up on the deck for months but we hadn't used it yet this season. Bad weather and mosquitoes have not made the deck an inviting place this summer.
This afternoon started clear and reasonably calm. I was feeling ambitious. I wanted to feel competent at something I haven't done in awhile, and it has been years since I've built a fire. It took several attempts because even kindling and wood kept under cover was damp. I knew I was on the right track because there was smoke even though leaves, twigs, and bark wouldn't stay lit. I kept at it, adding smaller and smaller pieces that might take fire. It took about a half hour....
Then success. I carefully added larger pieces of wood as the fire took hold. What a feeling of accomplishment. I enjoyed the warmth of that fire for quite awhile today.
I need more of that.
The thing about being rejected for so many jobs in the last five years is that I'm not sure what I'm good at any more, outside the house.
I know I'm good at house stuff. I have been spending a lot of time in the kitchen since T has been home, and it feels good to be cooking for more than Ken and me on a regular basis. Closets are decluttered and organized. I have updated the scrapbooks and photo albums. Projects get done, always with more to do.
Building the fire was symbolic. I don't expect that I will need to build a fire to survive. I do, however, need to know that I can take care of myself. I am at a point in my life where I want to be recognized for what I know and what I can do. It feels odd that I need to convince myself and others that I am capable, that I have things to say that deserve to be heard, but that's how I feel. This is beyond me knowing that I am a valuable being, because I believe that....
I feel compelled to do more, to fill in the places that feel empty.
I built a fire in the chiminea this afternoon. It has been set up on the deck for months but we hadn't used it yet this season. Bad weather and mosquitoes have not made the deck an inviting place this summer.
This afternoon started clear and reasonably calm. I was feeling ambitious. I wanted to feel competent at something I haven't done in awhile, and it has been years since I've built a fire. It took several attempts because even kindling and wood kept under cover was damp. I knew I was on the right track because there was smoke even though leaves, twigs, and bark wouldn't stay lit. I kept at it, adding smaller and smaller pieces that might take fire. It took about a half hour....
Then success. I carefully added larger pieces of wood as the fire took hold. What a feeling of accomplishment. I enjoyed the warmth of that fire for quite awhile today.
I need more of that.
The thing about being rejected for so many jobs in the last five years is that I'm not sure what I'm good at any more, outside the house.
I know I'm good at house stuff. I have been spending a lot of time in the kitchen since T has been home, and it feels good to be cooking for more than Ken and me on a regular basis. Closets are decluttered and organized. I have updated the scrapbooks and photo albums. Projects get done, always with more to do.
Building the fire was symbolic. I don't expect that I will need to build a fire to survive. I do, however, need to know that I can take care of myself. I am at a point in my life where I want to be recognized for what I know and what I can do. It feels odd that I need to convince myself and others that I am capable, that I have things to say that deserve to be heard, but that's how I feel. This is beyond me knowing that I am a valuable being, because I believe that....
I feel compelled to do more, to fill in the places that feel empty.
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
None Of That Mattered
The rejection letter came in today's mail. It is possibly the shortest turn-around time in my interviewing history, which is long and varied, between the interview and the "no."
Dear Interview Committee: If you already know who you plan to hire, please inform the unknowing interviewee in advance that you will be wasting her time and energy when she gets dressed up, arranges her day to avoid traffic delays to arrive early, thinks seriously before she answers your questions, and processes what you've said before she constructs meaningful questions for your benefit. Maybe you enjoy the game, but I'm here to tell you that she doesn't.
I think I'll feel better after I go shred some papers.
Dear Interview Committee: If you already know who you plan to hire, please inform the unknowing interviewee in advance that you will be wasting her time and energy when she gets dressed up, arranges her day to avoid traffic delays to arrive early, thinks seriously before she answers your questions, and processes what you've said before she constructs meaningful questions for your benefit. Maybe you enjoy the game, but I'm here to tell you that she doesn't.
I think I'll feel better after I go shred some papers.
Afterthoughts
I did the best I could in Friday's interview. Now I wait to hear how they think I did.
The women who met with me appeared to like each other and their jobs. They laughed easily and gently asked a half dozen or so questions that took less than a half hour to answer. I had as many questions for them about the daily schedule and how the position has worked in the past.
The position is not for a regular classroom teacher. The person they decide to hire will work with students who need someone to help them learn how to moderate behavior so they can be successful in the classroom. My first internal response was "me?" Then as I thought about it and answered questions I realized that I have a lot of "tools" in my toolbag to work with students around the choices they make. I am comfortable working with groups of students as well as students one-to-one.
I wonder what in my application made them want to talk to me. How many people applied? How many people did they interview? When the Human Resource Manager called to set up the interview she asked if I was still interested in the position. The interview was then set for almost two weeks later. What happened in between that phone call and the conversation I had at the school Friday morning?
This weekend I rethought many of the answers I gave. Too much information? Not the answers they were looking for? Did I appear nervous or overconfident? Had they already decided one way or the other before I got there? What did they think during the interview?
Anything is possible before an interview takes place. Then it happens and the decision is out of my hands. Now I wait.
The women who met with me appeared to like each other and their jobs. They laughed easily and gently asked a half dozen or so questions that took less than a half hour to answer. I had as many questions for them about the daily schedule and how the position has worked in the past.
The position is not for a regular classroom teacher. The person they decide to hire will work with students who need someone to help them learn how to moderate behavior so they can be successful in the classroom. My first internal response was "me?" Then as I thought about it and answered questions I realized that I have a lot of "tools" in my toolbag to work with students around the choices they make. I am comfortable working with groups of students as well as students one-to-one.
I wonder what in my application made them want to talk to me. How many people applied? How many people did they interview? When the Human Resource Manager called to set up the interview she asked if I was still interested in the position. The interview was then set for almost two weeks later. What happened in between that phone call and the conversation I had at the school Friday morning?
This weekend I rethought many of the answers I gave. Too much information? Not the answers they were looking for? Did I appear nervous or overconfident? Had they already decided one way or the other before I got there? What did they think during the interview?
Anything is possible before an interview takes place. Then it happens and the decision is out of my hands. Now I wait.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Once A Year
Flu shot. Check.
Mammogram. Check.
Every. Year.
* * * * * * * * * *
Until three years ago I'd never had a flu shot. Then Ken landed in the ICU with pneumonia in July 2009. Now we each get a flu shot every year, he so he doesn't get the flu and me so I don't get it and bring it home. I don't remember the last time I had the flu...it has been decades. I have no intention of getting the flu, but my daughter the doctor says I need to get the vaccine to be sure. This year I intend to head back into the classroom, so I need to be doubly sure.
Today at 2:55 I was administered this year's flu vaccine. It takes minutes and my insurance covers it, so that's not a problem. It's just that I trust my body to fight off viruses, so I feel resistance when people tell me my own immune system may not be able to protect me. It's no longer up to me to trust my system; today I had a flu shot.
* * * * * * * * * *
I put off getting my first mammogram as long as I could, and by the time I succumbed I was several years past 40. Then I was convinced to have a baseline mammogram, probably by some article I read or some guest on "Oprah." It has become a yearly ritual because that's the standard.
Every year I ask the technician when I can stop having a yearly mammogram. Every year I am told that there is no end in sight.
I am now seven years post menopause. I am obsessed with facial moisturizer so my face doesn't dry up and blow away. I use progesterone cream daily to counteract my lack of estrogen, which I use sparingly but gratefully so I can enjoy marital relations with my husband because we still like each other and sex is a good thing that keeps us connected.
None of that buys me any advantage in regards to a yearly mammogram. Women don't get a pass, regardless of their age or health history. We need a mammogram every year for the purposes of early detection. Period.
Today at 3:45 I had my yearly mammogram. The technician said she got four good pictures. I will have the report in a week. There is every reason to believe that the news will be good, as it has been every other year. As much as I don't think I will ever get breast cancer I will continue to get a mammogram every year because the alternative to early detection is inconceivable. I have a husband, three grown children, a career to restart, and a lot of living still to do.
So many things feel out of my control lately, and it seems silly to take comfort in a shot and an x-ray. But there it is...at least for another year.
Mammogram. Check.
Every. Year.
* * * * * * * * * *
Until three years ago I'd never had a flu shot. Then Ken landed in the ICU with pneumonia in July 2009. Now we each get a flu shot every year, he so he doesn't get the flu and me so I don't get it and bring it home. I don't remember the last time I had the flu...it has been decades. I have no intention of getting the flu, but my daughter the doctor says I need to get the vaccine to be sure. This year I intend to head back into the classroom, so I need to be doubly sure.
Today at 2:55 I was administered this year's flu vaccine. It takes minutes and my insurance covers it, so that's not a problem. It's just that I trust my body to fight off viruses, so I feel resistance when people tell me my own immune system may not be able to protect me. It's no longer up to me to trust my system; today I had a flu shot.
* * * * * * * * * *
I put off getting my first mammogram as long as I could, and by the time I succumbed I was several years past 40. Then I was convinced to have a baseline mammogram, probably by some article I read or some guest on "Oprah." It has become a yearly ritual because that's the standard.
Every year I ask the technician when I can stop having a yearly mammogram. Every year I am told that there is no end in sight.
I am now seven years post menopause. I am obsessed with facial moisturizer so my face doesn't dry up and blow away. I use progesterone cream daily to counteract my lack of estrogen, which I use sparingly but gratefully so I can enjoy marital relations with my husband because we still like each other and sex is a good thing that keeps us connected.
None of that buys me any advantage in regards to a yearly mammogram. Women don't get a pass, regardless of their age or health history. We need a mammogram every year for the purposes of early detection. Period.
Today at 3:45 I had my yearly mammogram. The technician said she got four good pictures. I will have the report in a week. There is every reason to believe that the news will be good, as it has been every other year. As much as I don't think I will ever get breast cancer I will continue to get a mammogram every year because the alternative to early detection is inconceivable. I have a husband, three grown children, a career to restart, and a lot of living still to do.
So many things feel out of my control lately, and it seems silly to take comfort in a shot and an x-ray. But there it is...at least for another year.
Monday, September 24, 2012
Last Week In September
We are off to a good start this last week of the ninth month of 2012.
Four of us went to Boston yesterday. My daughter bought tickets to a Red Sox game for Ken's January birthday. At the time we had no idea that this would be the least winningest season the Sox have had in 15 years. I was looking forward to the trip regardless of the team's record, and it was made all the better that T could join us, which worked out well because he stayed in Boston to fly out to Seattle today.
While T dropped off his luggage with a friend, three of us had lunch at Thorntons Grille after more than three long years without this jewel in a Fenway neighborhood. In January of 2009 Thorntons Grille and a row of adjoining small businesses were completely destroyed by fire. My son sent me a link to the news article. We were all very sad. This restaurant was our favorite place to eat when we visited the guys in Boston and one of their go-to places for a meal with friends. We watched with anticipation as plans to rebuild evolved; the surrounding community was adamant that the restaurants and shops needed to be rebuilt as they were, to reflect the character of the neighborhood. It took two years and many hearings, but community members won and plans were developed.
This summer Thorntons Grille reopened. It is as good as it ever was, atmosphere and food. Yeah!
The day was gorgeous. We had walked the two miles from the bus station to the restaurant. Under a clear blue sky we then walked over to Fenway Park for a 1:35 p.m. game.
The ballpark is 100 years old this year. It has been several years since I've been to Fenway but nothing has changed. The wooden seats painted dark green are as close as possible to the row in front and the one behind, so you quickly get to know your neighbors. The green posts supporting the upper tiers may obstruct a portion of your view of the field, unless the fans sitting next to you leave early and you move down a few seats. Kids of all ages eat cotton candy and popcorn. The coffee is made by Dunkin' Donuts, fresh and hot.
We had a wonderful time. It was a bonus that it was a great game and the Red Sox won. Afterward we all walked up to see the "red seat," a regular seat painted red to commemorate a phenomenal homerun that Ted Williams hit in 1946 against Detroit. I hadn't seen it before, and it was fun to be in the ballpark as people made their way out of the stands. Families with children were filling the left field grandstand so the kids could run the bases on the field, a real treat for the youngest fans.
T walked with us to the subway station, he headed back to his friend's apartment while we headed to South Station to catch a bus home. We all wished him luck for his Thursday interview in Seattle with the company that designed the "greenest" commercial building in the world.
It was a good day and a good start to this last week in September. I have an interview on Friday for a teaching job I don't know much about, other than it's in a middle school with a good reputation and a philosophy of education that I embrace.
It may turn out to be too good to be true, but I have all week to imagine the best case scenario for T and me.
Four of us went to Boston yesterday. My daughter bought tickets to a Red Sox game for Ken's January birthday. At the time we had no idea that this would be the least winningest season the Sox have had in 15 years. I was looking forward to the trip regardless of the team's record, and it was made all the better that T could join us, which worked out well because he stayed in Boston to fly out to Seattle today.
While T dropped off his luggage with a friend, three of us had lunch at Thorntons Grille after more than three long years without this jewel in a Fenway neighborhood. In January of 2009 Thorntons Grille and a row of adjoining small businesses were completely destroyed by fire. My son sent me a link to the news article. We were all very sad. This restaurant was our favorite place to eat when we visited the guys in Boston and one of their go-to places for a meal with friends. We watched with anticipation as plans to rebuild evolved; the surrounding community was adamant that the restaurants and shops needed to be rebuilt as they were, to reflect the character of the neighborhood. It took two years and many hearings, but community members won and plans were developed.
This summer Thorntons Grille reopened. It is as good as it ever was, atmosphere and food. Yeah!
The day was gorgeous. We had walked the two miles from the bus station to the restaurant. Under a clear blue sky we then walked over to Fenway Park for a 1:35 p.m. game.
The ballpark is 100 years old this year. It has been several years since I've been to Fenway but nothing has changed. The wooden seats painted dark green are as close as possible to the row in front and the one behind, so you quickly get to know your neighbors. The green posts supporting the upper tiers may obstruct a portion of your view of the field, unless the fans sitting next to you leave early and you move down a few seats. Kids of all ages eat cotton candy and popcorn. The coffee is made by Dunkin' Donuts, fresh and hot.
We had a wonderful time. It was a bonus that it was a great game and the Red Sox won. Afterward we all walked up to see the "red seat," a regular seat painted red to commemorate a phenomenal homerun that Ted Williams hit in 1946 against Detroit. I hadn't seen it before, and it was fun to be in the ballpark as people made their way out of the stands. Families with children were filling the left field grandstand so the kids could run the bases on the field, a real treat for the youngest fans.
T walked with us to the subway station, he headed back to his friend's apartment while we headed to South Station to catch a bus home. We all wished him luck for his Thursday interview in Seattle with the company that designed the "greenest" commercial building in the world.
It was a good day and a good start to this last week in September. I have an interview on Friday for a teaching job I don't know much about, other than it's in a middle school with a good reputation and a philosophy of education that I embrace.
It may turn out to be too good to be true, but I have all week to imagine the best case scenario for T and me.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
The Great Outdoors
We have had some problems with the outdoors encroaching on the quality of our lives indoors. Yesterday I attempted to find yet another solution to each of the two most aggravating frustrations.
Ants. I have tried everything I can think of to keep ants out of the house in early spring. For some reason they think our abode is a good place to warm their cold bodies before the ground thaws. I placed dry bait traps in a dozen locations, sticky tape at baseboards and door jambs, and diatomaceous earth [ground shells] around the perimeter of the house. Still they preferred overcoming those obstacles to staying outside where they belong.
So I called in the big guns ~ in May I called the University of Maine Cooperative Extension Service. I don't know if it's because our university system started as an agricultural school or because we are largely a rural state, but we have an excellent resource in our state for every thing you can imagine that has to do with inside a household of any size or outside on a piece of property of any type.
I was referred to the expert on ants. It only took a few tries before I got the expert on the phone. He had concrete suggestions: place one certain type of wet bait in strategic areas in the house and treat the ground outside with a specific chemical. I found the bait at Home Depot, but the chemical ingredient was harder to come by. I finally found a product online that contains the chemical, so I ordered it and a sprayer with which to apply it.
Then I boosted my confidence so I would feel brave enough to tackle the task. I read through all the directions on how to mix the product with water and the precautions to take in what I wear and how I handle the liquid. I did further research online about the chemical, its effects and dangers.
I waited for the perfect conditions and yesterday was the day ~ sunny, warm, and calm.
It only took me an hour to figure out how to put together the pressurized sprayer and do a trial run with water. Then it took me two hours to spray the perimeter of the house, far longer than necessary I'm sure but I was intentional and cautious.
Now I wait to see if this magic product works....
I came inside to clean up and start dinner, when I heard barking right outside the room where my son was using his computer. I threw on my shoes and raced outside to shoo the neighbor's boxer out of our yard.
This has been a problem for many months. It was one thing when there was only one dog next door who periodically thought our property was an extension of his own. Then the neighbors got a puppy that was part chow, and as she grew her temperament grew increasingly hostile...toward us...in our own yard. I have spoken to the neighbors about the problem, which got dangerous when the chow raced at and nipped my daughter's dog's leg earlier this year while she was still recovering from surgery. I called again to tell the neighbors that they needed to keep their dogs out of our yard.
After a brief respite, the visits from next door resumed. Before we went on vacation I called a town council member to ask about the town's policy. She still hasn't gotten back to me....
After I shooed the boxer away yesterday, he came back with the chow by his side. Enough was enough. I called the animal control officer to see what my standing is, and it's strong. The law is that an owner is required to keep their animal under their control at all times. He encouraged me to give him a call the next time either of the dogs is running loose, for our protection as well as the dogs' safety.
I agree but I can't do that without giving the neighbors a heads up. I gathered myself and walked over to the neighbor's house, where both dogs came at me in their driveway, barking and growling. I stopped and waited for the owners to call the dogs back, and they went until they decided it was more interesting to escort me to where the owners were standing. I was more convinced than ever that we need to stop the dogs from coming onto our property.
My knees knocked and my voice shook, but I told the nice young couple next door that their dogs must stay on their own property. The next time I see them out of their yard I am going to file a complaint. The consequences are not dire [a verbal warning the first time, a written warning second time, a summons the third time] but I made it clear that "I'm sorry" will no longer suffice.
As I write this I see a theme of waiting until enough is enough. Confrontation, whether with ants, dogs, or neighbors is not comfortable for me. I wait and wait until I can no longer ignore a situation.
I don't know why this is true because when my kids were growing up I was a crusader on their behalf, whether to advocate for them with others or to protect them from themselves. As a classroom teacher, I deal efficiently and effectively with issues that affect students.
This is obviously something I need to think more about. I want to feel entitled to stand up for myself.
This is as good a time to start as any.
Ants. I have tried everything I can think of to keep ants out of the house in early spring. For some reason they think our abode is a good place to warm their cold bodies before the ground thaws. I placed dry bait traps in a dozen locations, sticky tape at baseboards and door jambs, and diatomaceous earth [ground shells] around the perimeter of the house. Still they preferred overcoming those obstacles to staying outside where they belong.
So I called in the big guns ~ in May I called the University of Maine Cooperative Extension Service. I don't know if it's because our university system started as an agricultural school or because we are largely a rural state, but we have an excellent resource in our state for every thing you can imagine that has to do with inside a household of any size or outside on a piece of property of any type.
I was referred to the expert on ants. It only took a few tries before I got the expert on the phone. He had concrete suggestions: place one certain type of wet bait in strategic areas in the house and treat the ground outside with a specific chemical. I found the bait at Home Depot, but the chemical ingredient was harder to come by. I finally found a product online that contains the chemical, so I ordered it and a sprayer with which to apply it.
Then I boosted my confidence so I would feel brave enough to tackle the task. I read through all the directions on how to mix the product with water and the precautions to take in what I wear and how I handle the liquid. I did further research online about the chemical, its effects and dangers.
I waited for the perfect conditions and yesterday was the day ~ sunny, warm, and calm.
It only took me an hour to figure out how to put together the pressurized sprayer and do a trial run with water. Then it took me two hours to spray the perimeter of the house, far longer than necessary I'm sure but I was intentional and cautious.
Now I wait to see if this magic product works....
I came inside to clean up and start dinner, when I heard barking right outside the room where my son was using his computer. I threw on my shoes and raced outside to shoo the neighbor's boxer out of our yard.
This has been a problem for many months. It was one thing when there was only one dog next door who periodically thought our property was an extension of his own. Then the neighbors got a puppy that was part chow, and as she grew her temperament grew increasingly hostile...toward us...in our own yard. I have spoken to the neighbors about the problem, which got dangerous when the chow raced at and nipped my daughter's dog's leg earlier this year while she was still recovering from surgery. I called again to tell the neighbors that they needed to keep their dogs out of our yard.
After a brief respite, the visits from next door resumed. Before we went on vacation I called a town council member to ask about the town's policy. She still hasn't gotten back to me....
After I shooed the boxer away yesterday, he came back with the chow by his side. Enough was enough. I called the animal control officer to see what my standing is, and it's strong. The law is that an owner is required to keep their animal under their control at all times. He encouraged me to give him a call the next time either of the dogs is running loose, for our protection as well as the dogs' safety.
I agree but I can't do that without giving the neighbors a heads up. I gathered myself and walked over to the neighbor's house, where both dogs came at me in their driveway, barking and growling. I stopped and waited for the owners to call the dogs back, and they went until they decided it was more interesting to escort me to where the owners were standing. I was more convinced than ever that we need to stop the dogs from coming onto our property.
My knees knocked and my voice shook, but I told the nice young couple next door that their dogs must stay on their own property. The next time I see them out of their yard I am going to file a complaint. The consequences are not dire [a verbal warning the first time, a written warning second time, a summons the third time] but I made it clear that "I'm sorry" will no longer suffice.
As I write this I see a theme of waiting until enough is enough. Confrontation, whether with ants, dogs, or neighbors is not comfortable for me. I wait and wait until I can no longer ignore a situation.
I don't know why this is true because when my kids were growing up I was a crusader on their behalf, whether to advocate for them with others or to protect them from themselves. As a classroom teacher, I deal efficiently and effectively with issues that affect students.
This is obviously something I need to think more about. I want to feel entitled to stand up for myself.
This is as good a time to start as any.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Shift Change
The past week I have thought a lot about when we first bought this house. We started house hunting on a lark, and I have witnesses who will verify that I said I would never move from the house in Augusta. Our younger son was in his first year of college and our house was finally the right size again. When Ken and I started taking weekend jaunts to check out what was on the market we didn't mention it to T because we didn't think anything would come of what was just a reason to get out of the house in January.
I will never forget the phone call from our surprised first-year college student. "You're moving?!" My older son had spilled the beans. I assured him that we were just looking and no decisions had been made.
When we made the offer on this place, T was my first call. I promised him that he would always have a room here. I've always felt good about that and glad that he has felt comfortable coming and going.
So it was bittersweet when I picked him up at the bus station on Tuesday. I know his first choice is to find a job in Seattle. Those plans haven't settled out yet, and it made sense for him to come home to regroup. He will continue to apply to companies in Seattle and Boston. I told him that the right thing will come along.
I believe that because I have seen that happen again and again for each one of my children.
I chuckled at the irony of how many square feet of living space we have in this house as I dismantled my sewing room. We have lots more "room" but the same number of rooms we had for almost three decades in a much smaller house. The space here is living space, not storage or places-to-put-stuff space. Over the last five years we have spread out to fill every corner and closet, which included my taking over T's room for my sewing room when he moved to Seattle a year ago.
It took me a full day to inventory fabric I had stored in several places across two rooms and another day to clear off the daybed that is a holding bay for mending, ironing, and projects in progress. This led to sorting through two closets....
My goal is to be prepared for any eventuality. I want things to work out in the very best way for my son. I also want him to enjoy being home while we enjoy having him around. It was easy to talk about how he will continue to look for work in Seattle, while I secretly hoped that proximity would work in the east coast's favor. I promised myself that I would be supportive of whatever happens....
Which is why I smiled and asked questions this evening when he shared that he has an interview in Seattle two weeks from today. He will fly out and spend a week, which allows time for any other interviews he may be able to put in place.
In the meantime we are comparing job hunting strategies and watching West Wing on DVD.
I feel privileged to have whatever time we have together. That is where I will keep my focus.
I will never forget the phone call from our surprised first-year college student. "You're moving?!" My older son had spilled the beans. I assured him that we were just looking and no decisions had been made.
When we made the offer on this place, T was my first call. I promised him that he would always have a room here. I've always felt good about that and glad that he has felt comfortable coming and going.
So it was bittersweet when I picked him up at the bus station on Tuesday. I know his first choice is to find a job in Seattle. Those plans haven't settled out yet, and it made sense for him to come home to regroup. He will continue to apply to companies in Seattle and Boston. I told him that the right thing will come along.
I believe that because I have seen that happen again and again for each one of my children.
I chuckled at the irony of how many square feet of living space we have in this house as I dismantled my sewing room. We have lots more "room" but the same number of rooms we had for almost three decades in a much smaller house. The space here is living space, not storage or places-to-put-stuff space. Over the last five years we have spread out to fill every corner and closet, which included my taking over T's room for my sewing room when he moved to Seattle a year ago.
It took me a full day to inventory fabric I had stored in several places across two rooms and another day to clear off the daybed that is a holding bay for mending, ironing, and projects in progress. This led to sorting through two closets....
My goal is to be prepared for any eventuality. I want things to work out in the very best way for my son. I also want him to enjoy being home while we enjoy having him around. It was easy to talk about how he will continue to look for work in Seattle, while I secretly hoped that proximity would work in the east coast's favor. I promised myself that I would be supportive of whatever happens....
Which is why I smiled and asked questions this evening when he shared that he has an interview in Seattle two weeks from today. He will fly out and spend a week, which allows time for any other interviews he may be able to put in place.
In the meantime we are comparing job hunting strategies and watching West Wing on DVD.
I feel privileged to have whatever time we have together. That is where I will keep my focus.
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Back Online
My desktop is back online. [The problem was McAfee, which has been removed from this computer and I will have removed from my laptop as well. My smart children have been telling me forever to use Microsoft's anti-virus but I was slow to listen.]
The first thing I want to do is visit blogs and leave comments. If I don't get to yours this morning, I will be by this evening.
I now realize that I cannot be someone who lives only with a laptop. I miss sitting at a keyboard and viewing a full-sized monitor.
My routine is to check in with email, facebook, and blogs throughout the day. Our desktop is in the center of the house, so it's easy to take a moment to check in. My phone hardly rings during the day, so technology is my connection.
I am back in the stream of connection just in time.
I am slipping into the place where I question the decisions I have made that brought me to this "middle of nowhere" place once again, not that I can go back or that I would do anything differently if I could.
It's all my own doing, moving from job to job and going back to school again and again. I chuckle when I compile transcripts for applications because I only send those for completed degrees ~ I leave out the two business classes I took in 2001 and the 13 credits I earned when I started a doctoral program in 2002 before I decided that I didn't want to be an administrator in a school or school system.
I am floating, waiting, listening and watching for a sign of what to do next.
In the meantime I submit applications, cook good things to eat, clean and declutter rooms and closets, finish sewing projects and start new ones.
Back to "start" I go, an all too familiar place that holds something new every time.
The first thing I want to do is visit blogs and leave comments. If I don't get to yours this morning, I will be by this evening.
I now realize that I cannot be someone who lives only with a laptop. I miss sitting at a keyboard and viewing a full-sized monitor.
My routine is to check in with email, facebook, and blogs throughout the day. Our desktop is in the center of the house, so it's easy to take a moment to check in. My phone hardly rings during the day, so technology is my connection.
I am back in the stream of connection just in time.
I am slipping into the place where I question the decisions I have made that brought me to this "middle of nowhere" place once again, not that I can go back or that I would do anything differently if I could.
It's all my own doing, moving from job to job and going back to school again and again. I chuckle when I compile transcripts for applications because I only send those for completed degrees ~ I leave out the two business classes I took in 2001 and the 13 credits I earned when I started a doctoral program in 2002 before I decided that I didn't want to be an administrator in a school or school system.
I am floating, waiting, listening and watching for a sign of what to do next.
In the meantime I submit applications, cook good things to eat, clean and declutter rooms and closets, finish sewing projects and start new ones.
Back to "start" I go, an all too familiar place that holds something new every time.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Intermittent Connections
In my house, the problems with technology abound.
Every day I depend on my computers for entertainment, news, weather, communication with family and friends, and overall connection with the outside world. Currently I need access to the "Serving Schools" website because that is where all job openings in schools are posted, the only place where every teacher position is advertised and links to school websites provide access to applications.
Not to mention that my resume and cover letters are saved on my laptop and desktop. I can't easily explain why some documents are in one place and others are in another. It depends on where they were composed and saved and whether or not they were emailed to be saved or printed elsewhere.
It has become obvious that I need to do a bit of organizing when things are working again, I say with certainty that things will be working again.
The problems started last Wednesday when I couldn't get the laptop to connect to the Internet. I tried everything to no avail. On Thursday my daughter installed and ran "spybot," which found and fixed 31 of 33 malware incidents. The problem must be in one of the two not erased because the laptop sometimes connects to the Internet...and sometimes it doesn't.
We decided that I would take it into the shop. There was no urgency because I could use the desktop, right? True...until Saturday morning when the desktop would not connect to the Internet. The icons showed connection to the router but no connection to the modem, which I knew wasn't true because the laptop sometimes connects and (knock on wood) the iPad connects. I had had a lengthy conversation with our phone company/DSL provider when the laptop stopped connecting, and everything is working on their end.
So I am limping along technologically speaking. I took the desktop into the shop Monday morning. Today I managed to get the laptop hooked up with the printer so I could complete a third application and get it in the mail. I have had no response to the first two I mailed so I need to stay on top of this. Two more applications to print out, complete, and mail tomorrow.
Tonight I am trying to make friends with the iPad, and hopefully this post will appear the way I have composed it. I have my doubts.
I miss my regular computer routine.
Every day I depend on my computers for entertainment, news, weather, communication with family and friends, and overall connection with the outside world. Currently I need access to the "Serving Schools" website because that is where all job openings in schools are posted, the only place where every teacher position is advertised and links to school websites provide access to applications.
Not to mention that my resume and cover letters are saved on my laptop and desktop. I can't easily explain why some documents are in one place and others are in another. It depends on where they were composed and saved and whether or not they were emailed to be saved or printed elsewhere.
It has become obvious that I need to do a bit of organizing when things are working again, I say with certainty that things will be working again.
The problems started last Wednesday when I couldn't get the laptop to connect to the Internet. I tried everything to no avail. On Thursday my daughter installed and ran "spybot," which found and fixed 31 of 33 malware incidents. The problem must be in one of the two not erased because the laptop sometimes connects to the Internet...and sometimes it doesn't.
We decided that I would take it into the shop. There was no urgency because I could use the desktop, right? True...until Saturday morning when the desktop would not connect to the Internet. The icons showed connection to the router but no connection to the modem, which I knew wasn't true because the laptop sometimes connects and (knock on wood) the iPad connects. I had had a lengthy conversation with our phone company/DSL provider when the laptop stopped connecting, and everything is working on their end.
So I am limping along technologically speaking. I took the desktop into the shop Monday morning. Today I managed to get the laptop hooked up with the printer so I could complete a third application and get it in the mail. I have had no response to the first two I mailed so I need to stay on top of this. Two more applications to print out, complete, and mail tomorrow.
Tonight I am trying to make friends with the iPad, and hopefully this post will appear the way I have composed it. I have my doubts.
I miss my regular computer routine.
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Loose Ends
Feeling at loose ends.
Tying up loose ends.
In this third week of August both are true. I have no fewer than half a dozen projects in different stages of completion around the house as I spend time with family and friends and begin again to apply for teaching jobs.
Everything I go to do takes multiple steps to finish.
It took three weeks to receive both stereo speakers from Newegg. Great product but mediocre customer service and a frustrating return policy when the error is theirs.
The new dehumidifier has been timely during weeks of high humidity because it actually removes moisture from the air. It was indispensable when I had to coat with oil-based paint a rusting vent in my six year-old dryer, which I remembered after vacation when I dried a white sheet.... The directions called for 24 hours drying time between each of four coats.
Two weeks ago a storage shelf fell off our closet wall. We heard a thunderous crash and thought a tree had fallen across the deck. It wasn't that thank goodness, but a unit with two shelves and a short bar for hangers had fallen to the floor. It was amazing that nothing was broken or damaged. As I picked up the pile of clothes I realized I expected this small unit to hold too much weight. I have repaired the wall and Ken has reinforced the shelf, which we will hang up this weekend.
We had hot, dry weather in early July. Plants went dormant, and my lush flower beds from last year were nowhere to be seen. In late July the rain started and has continued on a regular basis, often in the company of thunder, lightning, and rain so heavy drivers can barely see the road ahead. Maine is one of two states in the country that have had a normal amount of rainfall this summer. The hostas recovered and bloomed, but for the first time ever deer have feasted on my hostas and left leafless stalks in their wake.
I had 276 prints made of photos taken over the past year. It was fun to look through all the photos on the computer and select representative pics. It took time to order prints online, but the reward of memories in hand was worth it. I am midway through updating albums and scrapbooks.
I have another teacher application packet ready to mail today. While I don't know what I will be doing this fall, I know I will be working somewhere.
In the past I did not like the feeling the week before school started because it felt like summer was ending too soon and there was still so much to do.
At this point in my life, I know that there will always be much to do ~ appliances break down, metal rusts, shelves fall off walls, and cars need to be replaced.
I also know that there is always time for friends and family.
Life doesn't stop when I return to work. Life happens through all my best laid plans just the way it is supposed to.
Onward....
Tying up loose ends.
In this third week of August both are true. I have no fewer than half a dozen projects in different stages of completion around the house as I spend time with family and friends and begin again to apply for teaching jobs.
Everything I go to do takes multiple steps to finish.
It took three weeks to receive both stereo speakers from Newegg. Great product but mediocre customer service and a frustrating return policy when the error is theirs.
The new dehumidifier has been timely during weeks of high humidity because it actually removes moisture from the air. It was indispensable when I had to coat with oil-based paint a rusting vent in my six year-old dryer, which I remembered after vacation when I dried a white sheet.... The directions called for 24 hours drying time between each of four coats.
Two weeks ago a storage shelf fell off our closet wall. We heard a thunderous crash and thought a tree had fallen across the deck. It wasn't that thank goodness, but a unit with two shelves and a short bar for hangers had fallen to the floor. It was amazing that nothing was broken or damaged. As I picked up the pile of clothes I realized I expected this small unit to hold too much weight. I have repaired the wall and Ken has reinforced the shelf, which we will hang up this weekend.
We had hot, dry weather in early July. Plants went dormant, and my lush flower beds from last year were nowhere to be seen. In late July the rain started and has continued on a regular basis, often in the company of thunder, lightning, and rain so heavy drivers can barely see the road ahead. Maine is one of two states in the country that have had a normal amount of rainfall this summer. The hostas recovered and bloomed, but for the first time ever deer have feasted on my hostas and left leafless stalks in their wake.
I had 276 prints made of photos taken over the past year. It was fun to look through all the photos on the computer and select representative pics. It took time to order prints online, but the reward of memories in hand was worth it. I am midway through updating albums and scrapbooks.
I have another teacher application packet ready to mail today. While I don't know what I will be doing this fall, I know I will be working somewhere.
In the past I did not like the feeling the week before school started because it felt like summer was ending too soon and there was still so much to do.
At this point in my life, I know that there will always be much to do ~ appliances break down, metal rusts, shelves fall off walls, and cars need to be replaced.
I also know that there is always time for friends and family.
Life doesn't stop when I return to work. Life happens through all my best laid plans just the way it is supposed to.
Onward....
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Hope Springs
*I share no details that are not obvious in previews.*
On Sunday Ken and I saw the movie Hope Springs. Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones look their ages in complex, adult performances that are worthy of a mature audience. There were moments when tension on screen rendered the theater you-could-hear-a-pin-drop quiet.
It is long past due time that a movie like this has been made.
Kay and Arnold have been married 31 years. She works at Coldwater Creek [I need to finally use that coupon] and he is an accountant. They have a beautiful home.
The reviews of the movie that I've seen summarize the surface premise of the movie. They call it a dramedy. There was a woman in the theater who laughed uproariously are regular intervals, often the only sound heard because the rest of us did not find the truth of the story funny. The couple on screen act out the reality of many middle-aged couples in this country. Their not knowing how to get past the apparent indifference is hard to watch. The fact that Kay is so desperate to try speaks volumes about what she has invested. The fact that Arnold goes with her to Maine illustrates that he understands how serious Kay is about this trip. The hardest thing to watch, and possibly the truest element of the movie, is that there is no guarantee that there will be a happy ending.
I think the movie should be rated R, not because of explicit language or nudity but because of the mature subject matter. The writer, the director, and the actors, including Steve Carell, honestly deal with issues of a couple who have been married three decades.
I would recommend the movie for all middle-aged married couples.
If you haven't faced the problems that Kay and Arnold have, it will give you a look at what some couples are dealing with behind closed doors, too embarrassed to share their unhappiness with anyone, even each other.
If you recognize Kay and Arnold's situation, it helps to know that other couples have experiences similar to yours.
Ken and I enjoyed the movie. We recognize the distance apart that Kay and Arnold are feeling, and we know what it feels like to not know how the story ends. For us, for now, we are in a good place. The movie is a good reminder that it takes work to stay here.
On Sunday Ken and I saw the movie Hope Springs. Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones look their ages in complex, adult performances that are worthy of a mature audience. There were moments when tension on screen rendered the theater you-could-hear-a-pin-drop quiet.
It is long past due time that a movie like this has been made.
Kay and Arnold have been married 31 years. She works at Coldwater Creek [I need to finally use that coupon] and he is an accountant. They have a beautiful home.
The reviews of the movie that I've seen summarize the surface premise of the movie. They call it a dramedy. There was a woman in the theater who laughed uproariously are regular intervals, often the only sound heard because the rest of us did not find the truth of the story funny. The couple on screen act out the reality of many middle-aged couples in this country. Their not knowing how to get past the apparent indifference is hard to watch. The fact that Kay is so desperate to try speaks volumes about what she has invested. The fact that Arnold goes with her to Maine illustrates that he understands how serious Kay is about this trip. The hardest thing to watch, and possibly the truest element of the movie, is that there is no guarantee that there will be a happy ending.
I think the movie should be rated R, not because of explicit language or nudity but because of the mature subject matter. The writer, the director, and the actors, including Steve Carell, honestly deal with issues of a couple who have been married three decades.
I would recommend the movie for all middle-aged married couples.
If you haven't faced the problems that Kay and Arnold have, it will give you a look at what some couples are dealing with behind closed doors, too embarrassed to share their unhappiness with anyone, even each other.
If you recognize Kay and Arnold's situation, it helps to know that other couples have experiences similar to yours.
Ken and I enjoyed the movie. We recognize the distance apart that Kay and Arnold are feeling, and we know what it feels like to not know how the story ends. For us, for now, we are in a good place. The movie is a good reminder that it takes work to stay here.
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
August Has Arrived
One week in and already enough has happened to call this month a success.
My youngest was home this past week. I got a surprise phone call August 1 from Travis that he was flying home from Seattle the next day. There was a job he wanted to check out in Portland [after our trip west I had to confirm that he meant Portland, Maine]. He landed at 9:30 Thursday morning for an interview at 11:00.
We had just seen him I know, but it has still been so good to have him home.
The job is not the right one, but the time was well spent visiting with us and friends and getting a chance to watch some of the Olympics.
When Trav called to say he was coming home, I was still trying to catch my breath from being gone for four days.
I met a dear friend in Boston the last weekend in July so we could celebrate our birthdays. We have been trying to plan such a trip, she from New Mexico and me from Maine, for over a year. It took some work but we did it, and it was so worth the effort. We talked and walked and talked some more. Phone calls and emails are good for what they are, but they do not replace time together in person. She and I have been friends for more than 40 years. After this visit we have made a commitment to more regular visits in interesting places around the country. Seattle is already on the list:)
More friends to catch up with this week and next. This is the month to do it, especially with friends who are teachers. This fall I may be back in the classroom, too, so I want to take advantage of what's left of August.
I feel compelled to connect with people this summer. Time goes by and it's easy to get waylaid by the day to day details of appointments, paperwork, errands, and chores. There is dust on every surface in my house and the yard has been sadly ignored for months. Those things will wait.
I would rather spend time with friends ~
My youngest was home this past week. I got a surprise phone call August 1 from Travis that he was flying home from Seattle the next day. There was a job he wanted to check out in Portland [after our trip west I had to confirm that he meant Portland, Maine]. He landed at 9:30 Thursday morning for an interview at 11:00.
We had just seen him I know, but it has still been so good to have him home.
The job is not the right one, but the time was well spent visiting with us and friends and getting a chance to watch some of the Olympics.
When Trav called to say he was coming home, I was still trying to catch my breath from being gone for four days.
I met a dear friend in Boston the last weekend in July so we could celebrate our birthdays. We have been trying to plan such a trip, she from New Mexico and me from Maine, for over a year. It took some work but we did it, and it was so worth the effort. We talked and walked and talked some more. Phone calls and emails are good for what they are, but they do not replace time together in person. She and I have been friends for more than 40 years. After this visit we have made a commitment to more regular visits in interesting places around the country. Seattle is already on the list:)
More friends to catch up with this week and next. This is the month to do it, especially with friends who are teachers. This fall I may be back in the classroom, too, so I want to take advantage of what's left of August.
I feel compelled to connect with people this summer. Time goes by and it's easy to get waylaid by the day to day details of appointments, paperwork, errands, and chores. There is dust on every surface in my house and the yard has been sadly ignored for months. Those things will wait.
I would rather spend time with friends ~
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Seattle Memories
It is the everyday moments that come to mind when I remember Seattle, the reasons I like the city so much. I look forward to when I can return to room 301 at the Moore Hotel, a quiet space in the back of the building ~
Our exceptional timing Thursday evening took us to the original Starbucks store near Pike Place Market when there was not one person in line. We bought tasty frozen coffee drinks, and Ken took my picture while I was mid word ~
Downtown there is a covered walkway between Nordstrom's and William Sonoma that is somewhat of an engineering marvel. Nordstrom's would only allow the walkway to be built if it was not permanently attached to the side of their store ~
Late our first evening we had a wonderful meal of locally brewed beer and pizza, serious pie ~
Early Friday gorgeous sunflowers brightened a gray morning ~
We waited out a thunderstorm at Pike Place while rain made puddles ~
Against a backdrop of mountains, a cruise ship left the terminal. In Portland, Oregon we met a couple on their honeymoon who were taking a cruise to Alaska on a ship out of Seattle ~
Flowers growing wild at the Sculpture Park reminded me of pinks ~
The antique French cars on display at Seattle Center included a Renault like my family owned in the early 1960's ~
Hostas in bloom near the pavilion outshone similar plants at home in my garden ~
The seafood at the Queen City Grill was very good, and the sign outside caught my fancy because Lewiston is a city in Maine ~
Our last night we had dinner on Capitol Hill at B & O Espresso, which had beautiful stained glass in the window ~
It's hard to know during a vacation what moments will stand out when the trip is over. Thank goodness for the photos that hold those memories ~
It's hard to know during a vacation what moments will stand out when the trip is over. Thank goodness for the photos that hold those memories ~Saturday, August 4, 2012
Seattle In July
The skyline of Seattle was an impressive as I remembered ~
We arranged to meet Travis on the campus of University of Washington. I wanted to see the inside of the Suzzallo Library ~
Specifically the reading room, which was breath-taking ~
I wanted Ken to see the campus as a backdrop for Drumheller Fountain ~
Travis took us to see the skyline from Lake Union ~
We checked into the Moore Hotel on 2nd Avenue and spent the evening getting to know the neighborhood ~
Friday morning we started with coffee and pastries at Moore Coffee, easily accessible through the lobby of the hotel and with the best coffee we had anywhere in Seattle ~
The clouds did not hamper the view of the waterfront ~
It was early enough at Pike Place Market that we could actually see the extent of the vegetable stands ~
And the vibrant array of flowers for sale ~
We walked along Elliott Bay away from the city to Olympic Sculpture Park, built on a brownfield site reclaimed, cleaned up, and developed into green space for people to enjoy ~
Sculptures are scattered on green lawn and amidst wildflowers ~
Trains pass one way ~
While cars pass another ~ 
The next morning we headed over to the Space Needle in the fog ~ 
Seattle Center also holds International Fountain ~
A pavilion where Bastille Day was celebrated, complete with a line of antique French cars ~
And a monorail terminal, from which I caught of glimpse of the new exhibit of Chihuly glass ~
Saturday afternoon we took a bus to the Chittenden Locks, one of two places in the world where boats pass safely between fresh water and salt water ~
And where Bastille Day celebrations continued with music by the Greenwood Concert Band and patriotic songs sung by a local television celebrity ~
We watched boats head for the open sea and marvelled at all the city of Seattle holds ~
Seattle has become one of my favorite places. I have more photos to share in coming days, images that come to mind when I think of this city I am just getting to know ~Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Oregon For The First Time
Ken and I left the redwoods of California and discovered the coast of Oregon as we followed Route 101 north to Portland ~
Where we stayed two nights at the Mark Spencer Hotel ~
Teachers Fountain in the downtown area, dedicated to teachers everywhere ~
An antique car caught our attention, and a few days later we read a newspaper article about Nash Metropolitan cars that have been refurbished in Los Angeles ~
We took a walk to the waterfront ~
To see the bridges across the Willamette River ~
That go up so ships can go under ~
The waterfront park has a fountain that starts gently ~
And bursts forth periodically, which delights the children ~
A poster drew us to the Portland Art Museum ~
Where roses were still in bloom in the park across the street ~
This photo is for Mary, whose birthday is July 15 ~
This building once housed The Portland Telegram, a newspaper with the same name as a current paper in Maine ~
Then it was time to say good-bye to Oregon, for now, and take our leave for Seattle ~
Where we stayed two nights at the Mark Spencer Hotel ~
Teachers Fountain in the downtown area, dedicated to teachers everywhere ~
An antique car caught our attention, and a few days later we read a newspaper article about Nash Metropolitan cars that have been refurbished in Los Angeles ~
We took a walk to the waterfront ~
To see the bridges across the Willamette River ~
That go up so ships can go under ~
The waterfront park has a fountain that starts gently ~
And bursts forth periodically, which delights the children ~
A poster drew us to the Portland Art Museum ~
Where roses were still in bloom in the park across the street ~
This photo is for Mary, whose birthday is July 15 ~
This building once housed The Portland Telegram, a newspaper with the same name as a current paper in Maine ~
Then it was time to say good-bye to Oregon, for now, and take our leave for Seattle ~Thursday, July 26, 2012
California 2012
Ken and I flew into the San Francisco airport on July 2. We rented a car and drove to Los Gatos, arriving late at night to stay with our son and daughter-in-law. We didn't realize until the next morning that they have a lovely courtyard outside their front door ~
And beautiful greenery off their back deck ~
That night we attended a baseball game in Oakland and watched the Red Sox lose to the A's in the 9th inning under a full moon ~
The game was followed by an amazing display of fireworks ~
We celebrated Independence Day with a private wine tasting and vineyard tour in Cupertino at Ridge Vineyard, which literally sits atop a ridge ~
That overlooks Santa Clara and San Jose ~
Ken and I enjoyed baked goods and coffee the following morning at Los Gatos Coffee Roasting Company ~
On Friday we soaked in the atmosphere of early morning Los Gatos at Posh Bagel before we started the drive north to San Ramon ~
As we drove we couldn't get over the golden hills that rise up at every turn ~
And line every highway ~
On Sunday we topped off a wonderful visit with a delicious dinner at The Peasant & The Pear Restaurant in Danville ~
And a walk through the Blackhawk Mall, where shops encircle a pond complete with live ducks and whimsical sculpture ~
Monday morning we left early for Oregon, with a stop to say hello to the massive redwoods in Prairie Creek State Park, our last stop in California ~
And beautiful greenery off their back deck ~
That night we attended a baseball game in Oakland and watched the Red Sox lose to the A's in the 9th inning under a full moon ~
The game was followed by an amazing display of fireworks ~
We celebrated Independence Day with a private wine tasting and vineyard tour in Cupertino at Ridge Vineyard, which literally sits atop a ridge ~
That overlooks Santa Clara and San Jose ~
Ken and I enjoyed baked goods and coffee the following morning at Los Gatos Coffee Roasting Company ~
On Friday we soaked in the atmosphere of early morning Los Gatos at Posh Bagel before we started the drive north to San Ramon ~
As we drove we couldn't get over the golden hills that rise up at every turn ~
And line every highway ~
On Sunday we topped off a wonderful visit with a delicious dinner at The Peasant & The Pear Restaurant in Danville ~
And a walk through the Blackhawk Mall, where shops encircle a pond complete with live ducks and whimsical sculpture ~ 
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