Negative Nellies

They started pummeling me first thing this morning. I had no sooner opened my eyes than the Negative Nellies started in and sent me diving back under the covers. You can't do this! What makes you think you can pull this off? Who do you think you are?!

I know what set them off. Last night I put the finishing touches on a letter of application and resume to send by email today. [Done, by the way.l

The job in question has a history for me. One night last week the idea of this job set me to dreaming so intensely that the morning I woke up from the dream I jumped out of bed thinking I was already doing the work. I have had that dream for months, before the job existed: sitting around tables with people, talking about education, discussing how to make schools better for students. Traveling. Brainstorming. Thinking outside the box. Making a difference.

It was last Monday that the listing showed up on the non-profit job board I follow. It's a job at a private, alternative school for students who want to earn their high school diplomas. I worked there as a teacher six years ago. The school was in the midst of transition, which was accelerated by strategic planning and an impending change in leadership. The school is a model for alternative education, known throughout the state, with nationally known educators and policy makers on the board of directors. Major changes were needed if the school was to continue to exist.

It was my ten months at the school that led me to decide to return to graduate school for a Master of Social Work degree. I left on good terms with all who worked there. I didn't anticipate that there would ever be an opportunity for me to return.

The position is newly created for a program that needs to be developed.

Exciting? You bet.

Intimidating? Absolutely.

I decided I was going for it. I will never know if I don't put myself out there.

So the Negative Nellies had a lot to work with this morning. Fortunately, I have learned how to bring my attention back to the present moment, slow my breathing, and calm my mind. I was alive and well, the flannel sheets were as soft as ever, sunlight was filling the room, and I had plans for the day. I answered the negative thoughts with positive action, which is still a new strategy for me and every time it works I am pleased with the results.

I wasn't going to write about this tonight. What if the job is already filled? What if I'm not called for an interview? What if my history at the school takes me out of the running? What if I'm not "who" they are looking for?

Here's why I am sharing this experience: What if there is a job and the work is what I have been dreaming of doing for months and I am the person for the job?

And what if I missed the chance to document this part of my journey?

Now that would be an opportunity missed.